Wankerbastards will upset us that try, but we will still be dry. Or dryer at a push. It's a good job we are not in a rush.

[Frouby]

Thread 6 for the Tryers to be Dryers.

Support thread for reducing alcohol, stopping alcohol, monitoring alcohol. All welcome, absolutely no judgement. Whatever your aims with alcohol come and join us here. Lots of swearing but no judging or criticising.

Previous threads dotted around but can never do clicky links.

Flossie has DH been in contact yet? I agree with Dion, the best reply is to say what you said, making sure he knows how shocked and hurt you were by his behaviour and you really didn't understand why he was so angry. I hate it when men gaslight you and change everthing to make you think it was your fault when it clearly wasn't. I really feel for you, verbal abuse is terrible. Sending lots of French hugs.

Longest glad you had such a good weekend! I can't do camping now following a fortnight in Austria where it rained all the time.

Frouby I understand your frustration with DH. He has lost his drinking partner and is resentful because not only have you cut down drastically it has probably made him aware that he drinks too much and he feels guilty.

I agree with you that drinking can bring out the more unpleasant side you your character, as well as making you less productive and more likely to make mistakes. I've just realised a huge mistake I made in January and it will cost me very dear financially.
Have a nice day with your ponies. I love spending time with the animals. My dogs is always pleased to see me and more grateful than the DC and DP are when I feed them.

Madame, yes he text me just now. Saying he loved me and was sorry for his part. He also said he was upset that I’d been distant this morning with him’!! What did he expect?! Love and hugs?! I replied saying I didn’t want to discuss last night as I’m still processing his behaviour!! Now I feel bad that I didn’t say I loved him on my text!! Arghhhhhh I’m so easily swayed but when I stop and think about yesterday, it hits me again what a twat he was!! I think my memory isn’t strong enough!!

Frouby - I agree with Madame. Dh is prob gutted his drinking partner has laid off. It also highlights his own drinking. I know I felt like this a few weeks ago when dh had some nights af

Flossie, you said exactly the right thing. Don't feel bad. Even if you do love him, now isn't the moment to tell him that. I don't mean that in a game-playing kind of way: I mean that it would just tell him that he can speak to you in a way that would lose him his job (if he did it at work), or his friends (if he did it to them). Once things have calmed down, you could try to ask him why he thought it was ok to speak to you like that, do impressions of you, etc. Is he more upset about DD2 than he's letting on, or than he realises? I know it's so easy to say LTB - but in real life, it is very rarely that straightforward. Thinking of you.

Frouby, I also agree with Madame about DH. I would definitely feel that my drinking was being shown up if I lived with someone who stopped or dramatically cut back.

flossie I have been taken up with work stuff but read what happened with angry-man last night. His behaviour was shocking. My thoughts are with you. I wanted to mention one specific thing. I remember it clearly from a previous lost of control on his part that you wrote where "he clapped in my face". It's such a grim act, I bet you can't even think of doing that to anyone, any place for any reason. Don't let him draw you in and make you part of this.

dion it's been a few things really that has changed how I think about alcohol. Fatclub has helped a bit, doing stuff in an evening (kayaking, ponies), wanting to be healthier for me and the kids. Looking forward to my always AF sundays, then being anxious on drinking nights. Starting to lose weight without actually changing what I eat, just stopping drinking as much. Lots of little things that are actually quite big things really.

Then the last couple of weeks watching DH getting drunk, but not feeling envious just feeling annoyed.

I am not over drinking every day though. I find it easier every week but I still feel the urge around now. But making sure I have becks blue in definetly helps. I love beer, I do like gin and wine but prefer beer. The fact that I can have an AF beer for less cals than a gin means I reach for that first.

So am on the right path with things, just need to stay focused, have a really good summer and autumn and then find something to keep me busy over winter. Hopefully work will be busy over winter, I want to redecorate upstairs and I can keep the ponies ticking over for the kids to ride after school until November, then start them back in work February.

Lost another 1lb this week at fatclub, 10lbs altogether which is slow but steady progress. Especially as I had a bad few days foodwise and had lager on Saturday.

Flossie I hope your dh is very, very sorry when he gets home. You absolutely did the right thing with your text. He's lucky you haven't changed the locks tbh.

Flossie, everything Dion says is spot on. I’ve a lot to say on the subject of verbal and emotional abuse, but I sometimes struggle to put it on MN. So for now, take a squeeze from me and a nod to Dion.
You’re right to be frosty. It’s not retaliation, just sending out a message.

Thinking of you this evening Flossie. I hope it isn't too difficult for you when DH gets home. Stay strong. You didn't deserve that abuse last night, it wasn't your fault. You are a lovely person, who does everything for everyone. Except yourself. Your DH is a very lucky man.

Madame, that is so well said. Thinking of you, Flossie.

I struggle with writing it on MN too, NC4.

On a happier note, I am staggering through Day Two. I would like to say I am channelling my Inner Frouby. However, I'm actually channelling a two-day hangover and the lurgy that won't shift.

Just about survived mental day and have stuck to 1/3 bottle. Was not on top hosting form and both dds turned into total horrors - clearly the weekend catching up with them. Dd1 whizzing round like a dervish then bursting into sobbing fits because I said 8:50pm was not the time to start obsessing about her homework. Dd2 shrieking over every little infringement into her personal space. Christ knows what DM's pal thought but i managed not to totally lose it so feeling relatively proud.

Flossie, it'd be so good to have a proper heart to heart one day. Mumsnet does have its limitations. Suffice it to day I can empathise with where you are at too. Sending love and strength. Xxxxxxxx

Hi everyone. I've been reading all the posts from the past few days and I want to say you are all heroes.

Flossie - I am so sorry your H is behaving so badly. You're doing brilliantly. Without wanting to be Debbie Downer, I think you need to face the possibility that he could just be like that. What do you want your life to be like?

I'm feeling really chill after a weekend of no booze or moderation (counting Monday as weekend as I had the day off). No drinking alone; single drinks with bf; max two a day. I feel so much better facing the week than I expected to, after a late night and knowing that work will be crazy. Really feel up for my life actually; really feel like showing up for it and giving it some welly. A great feeling.

No idea how to hold onto this.

Common themes on this thread - work and family drive people to drink!

Frouby - I get the sedentary-drinking-buddy vibe. I know that so well. My ex was a bit like that, and used to feel very threatened by my AF patches. Perhaps he know deep down that if I was sober long enough and had enough going for me I'd realise I was bored and thwarted with him :) Thats not a judgement on your relationship btw

Ok, happy Tuesday, people. Everyone have a great week x

senseless please add to the list 'schools'. Both me and DH deal in some pretty tough discussions, mediation and negotiations as part of our professional lives (our work has been associated with conflict over the past 20+ years). Armies, non-state armed groups, prison officials you get the picture. I'm amazing that this bloody school is that hard to handle, they come at us with a united "dream team" approach, can't get a word in edgeways through the education-speak pseudo-science. #thatparent

Aw, I caved and let dd1 take the Art Book to have a flick through in bed after the homework fit carried on and when I went to bed I found it full of little Pokémon card book marks where she'd noted her favourite paintings (this was her homework). It's basically all the ones that involve animals. But was so sweet. Little cherub monkey head.

Dd2's friends from camping are here and they're playing pretty well. Someone suggested softplay which I agreed to but then somehow morphed into a suggestion of me taking all three of them to softplay on my own, to which I said hold on a wee minute, I don't mind hosting a playdate but I am not a masochist. Going to attempt to get them to help me make the woodcraft pizza dough though, which may disprove this theory.

Sorry you're having a mare with school Leaving. I am again in a flap because again have massive clash between school settling in session and uncancellable work thing I basically never have stuff I really can't miss, but this is a meeting with the Lord Chancellor to explain the thing I went to see posh barrister about and civil servants treat Ministers kind of like Gods so the idea of ringing him up to see if he can do another time is bringing me out in cold sweats. DH has said he can "probably" take her. Grr. To be fair he's not suggesting I do either, he just doesn't see school demands as three line whips the way I tend to. Bollocks actually I think it's dd1's Sports Day the same day, though tbh even I am inclined to be a bit cavalier with that one as they seem to cry off for the flimsiest of weather related reasons.

I feel your pain Longest. I was laughing with DS1 the other day about the day he acquired his Harry Potter forehead scar. He didn’t know at the time because he was only two, but I’d just secured a world exclusive. My first and probably only one.
Me... a young inexperienced local news hack, up against all the big shots from the tabloids and the telly. My story ended up on newsnight.
Just as I was about to file, the phone rang.
“Mrs NC, you need to come. DS has had an accident!”
I laugh now. At the time it wasn’t so funny.

Ooh that's fab! Did you make it? Most of the time I think I have quite a good work life balance but when worlds collide it is not fun. Once had Minister barking down the phone at me while dd2 sat on my lap vomiting into a bowl. Career lowlight.

By some miracle Longest, I did! Luckily work, nursery and hospital were all in a three mile radius.
Now pukey phone calls are one I’ve managed to swerve. The glamorous life of a working mum, eh? 😂

There is nothing more difficult than managing work and childcare issues. As I know dh wouldn't be able to take time off, or not without it costing a serious amount of money, I decided to not even try a career until ds was older. Luckily what I do now fell into my lap last year, and although time is always an issue I can usually fit it around stuff.

Though the puking phonecall minutes before the 2.30pm at Cheltenham this year, when I had about £400 potential profits I needed to stake in the 3.15pm could have come at a better time.

Absolutely pissing it down here. Have worked all day and set some work up for tonight. Using my new found sobriety to get the hours in.

Vet was fun yesterday. LittlePony had to have a tooth removed. He was sedated which makes it easier, but holding about 350kg of drooling, wobbly pony up for an hour was hard work. He took the sedation a bit hard and was wobbling around all over while vet grinding away and pulling tooth out.

Off to collect ds, then he has swimming later. Not bothering with kayaking due to torrential bloody rain!

Ha anyway, suggesting to DH that we fork out £50 for mil to change her train has conjured up a bit more certainty that he'll be able to cover...

And dd2 and pals have played independently all day without drama. Could not even coax them to come and play with dough. Remind me why I was lamenting the demise of the toddler years again...

Off to beautiful meadow after school. Somehow need to keep kids entertained with only nature in my armoury while I spend hours feeding oven with twigs. Have packed a nanny state!

We managed to miss our eldest on Sports Day and end of year performance this year. Generally one out of two manage but we are so busy this month. Anyway we were both at school for his IEP meeting yesterday were told about 4 times that we were the inclusion unit’s “keenness parents” I think we all knows what that means I would be so happy to leave the school to it and I think that’s the way it will go with the younger one. The eldest is compliant and well behaved at school but massively behind his peers across the board. The last thing I want it to be all over them but I don’t feel I have a choice.

That's very hard, Leaving. I'm with you on adding 'school' to the list of triggers. Though I'm also going to add 'DP'.

Glad the vet was ok, Frouby.

I'm jealous of you, Longest, as it is presumably not raining where you are. It is absolutely pissing it down here, and has been doing so for about six weeks.

Love the stories, NC4 and Longest. Children's timing is great.

Sounds like an impressive run, Senseless. Determined to get through Day Three tonight, not least as I'm meeting two university friends tomorrow (actually having a day out, believe it or not). They are both enablers, so there's no chance of me being dry or even moderate, though I'll probably sleep well on the train.

Leaving - I too can give you an empathetic hug regarding school being a trigger. Was very much so with ds as he wasn’t great at towing the line and is often drop him at the gate in the morning, only to get a shitty call an hour later to say he hasn’t turned up!! How he could have bunked off between me dropping him AT the gate, and getting to the front door, I have no idea!! But he seemed to make a habit of it!! Luckily now he’s at uni, I’ve no idea what’s happening!! Every cloud n all that!!

Longest - going to a beautiful meadow sounds gorgeous. Prob just what you need. Sounds like you’ve had such a hectic time.

Frouby - must’ve been horrid watching pony sedated. Hope all is well now.

Dion - tomorrow with uni friends sounds awesome. Great you’ve planned and allowed yourself to drink too. Better that way. Well done on the af stint too. Enjoy tomorrow x

As for me..wont be dry..just heard we’ve been 5th time lucky and got dd’s ehcp finally!!

Oh thank goodness. A bit of good news at last, Flossie. xx

Ugh, meadow is beautiful, and rain has held off (we had it all night instead) but kids are ruining it by murdering each other. Ah well. Dd1 has just sloped off to read her book in mud hut so peace is temporarily restored.

Flossie that's great news! What will this mean exactly?

Sympathies for all those battling with school woes. I have had that in the past and no doubt will again but FX dd1 is reasonably settled at the mo (why oh why do they have to change year groups as soon as they find equilibrium?

Senseless, great stuff
What will you do with your newfound zest for life?

Dion, enjoy your day out, what will you get up to? I am supposed to be going out tomorrow night actually with stressful friend and helpful neighbour friend.

By the way one guy I was dealing with at the school yesterday had a novelty moustache and a man bun. Surely that’s illegal right?

‘Novelty moustache and man bun’ 😂😂

It’s the combo flossie if it’s not integrated into some international legislation someone needs to get on it.