Wankerbastards will upset us that try, but we will still be dry. Or dryer at a push. It's a good job we are not in a rush.

[Frouby]

Thread 6 for the Tryers to be Dryers.

Support thread for reducing alcohol, stopping alcohol, monitoring alcohol. All welcome, absolutely no judgement. Whatever your aims with alcohol come and join us here. Lots of swearing but no judging or criticising.

Previous threads dotted around but can never do clicky links.

PMSL @ Novelty moustache and man bun, *Leaving. Sounds like my kind of man.

Longest, I'd like to take a book into a mud hut, so sympathise with DD1.

Thanks for the good wishes for tomorrow's day off. I think we will probably eat and drink and look at stuff we can't afford to buy. But it will be nice.

dion I think he is approximately 12.

Hate twatty hairstyles on men, they look like bloody nobbers.

Am stuffed, had fatclub cooked breakfast for tea, was lovely but very filling. Dry again tonight, so that's 3 in a row. Did half contemplate a gin on the way home from swimming but nipped to aldi instead, then came home and started cooking so went past it.

Dh actually seems to be trying a bit with his drinking. Yesterday he came in and sort of hovered around the fridge for a minute or two, then took ds out on his bike for half an hour, then had a few beers and went to lie on the bed for an hour before dinner. Then tonight he's had a few, then said he was ready for tea and was having an early night.

So he's probably had about half the amount he would usually have on work days. Which is progress.

Was going to work tonight but have cancelled an appointment tomorrow morning so should get everything done while ds is at school. So am going to tidy the kitchen, have a shower and an early night myself.

Looking forward to Saturday, heatwave is due and am having a lovely bbq with my friends, ndns and hopefully my cousin. Will be boozy obviously but am ok with that and will take it steady, possibly even mixing becks blue with the Budweiser I am planning on having.

I don't mind the calories, just really don't want a hangover!

Three days here too, Frouby! I'm definitely channelling you tonight, as I bought a six pack of Becks Blue in Tesco. It got me through the witching hour. About to eat now, and that will be another day down. Interesting that your DH is trying a bit, too.

Can't wait for the heatwave. I'm so sick of sodding rain.

Wow frouby and Dion - you are doing amazingly!! Wish I could have that resistance. I’m letting myself off for the next week though so will try again then!! In the meantime I will try moderation. Definately won’t be dry!!
Frouby your cooked breaky sounds lush!

I'm not sure why I'm managing it, Flossie. The two-day hangover might have played a role. Then a dose of health anxiety/conviction that I was about to die of liver failure. But even if I drink for the rest of the week, three days is better than I've done in a very long time. Helps that DP is being civil and DD is being pleasant because she wants me to drive her to a party this weekend.

Dry here today. Yesterday was awful. Poor DS1 had some terrible news and it shook me up a bit too. He’s handling it well, with a maturity I didn’t have at 17 but it’s still awful.
So yesterday was a write off. Today’s been better - I’ve been to the gym and am now having a good soak. I need to take my bottle bin out, so once that’s gone it’s a fresh start.

Flossie I’m really pleased for you with the EHCP. I hope it opens doors for you.

Love to everyone else.

I am sorry to hear that NC4. Horrible when you can't make things ok for your kids.

Dion, that's brilliant. I definitely think there's something in Frouby's doing stuff idea. I find taking the kids to woodcraft folk is good, especially when it's outside, because it feels like I have done something proper and sociable with my evening and there's then less need to drink to unwind or treat myself.

There’s definitely something in that. Even going to the gym, which I had to force myself into tonight, makes me less inclined to drink. But outdoor activity is even better.
I envy DS and his skateboarding on evenings like tonight - active and sociable like you say Longest.

Hi. Good evening tonight: swim and fixed the toilet (with the help of youtube). I like feeling together and capable.

Bf was a little bit insensitive on the phone (in a tiny way) and I explained properly and he sorted it out. Feel so much better than either seething or rowing. (we don't row much, I am thinking of past relationships really.)

Work is tricky but I'm not panicking. I'll work something out.

I've got courage from somewhere; I am not sure how to hang onto it but I hope I can.

Frouby, NC4, Dyonisa - well done!

(I know what you mean about the liver failure paranoia)

Courage calls to courage - old siffragette motto

Not AF last night, but was out singing and only had the one glass when I got home before bed.

DH is currently in Vegas, and I got a worryng text from him this morning - he's got on the wrong bus and is a bit lost. I usspect drink was involved!

Segregate, only one glass is good!

Senseless, I'm impressed by your plumbing. And by your ability to get your BF to communicate. If I told mine he was being insensitive on the phone (which he often is), he'd just say he couldn't be bothered with any of that stuff, and I'd feel even worse.

NC4, I'm so sorry about your DS1 and his bad news. It's so horrible when you want to help them, but can't.

Agree that it helps to do stuff in the evenings. I find that once I've had the first drink, my world starts shrinking and I'm unable to do anything much at all. The past three nights, I've actually done some tidying up etc.

All that said, I'm setting off for lunchtime drinking soon.

Oh dear Segregate 🙈

Frouby I’d usually agree with you about man buns but there was a guy in Spar last week who looked phwoar. Work boots, shorts, man bun and beard. I think the work boots cancelled out the ridiculous hair and made it work of something. Or maybe I’ve been single too long 😂

Dionysa, don't be impressed with me - be impressed with the bf. It was his choice not to be defensive, self righteous, and blow the whole thing up into a stupid row. I have never been able to do this before with any other man so I think he gets the credit :)

"once I've had the first drink, my world starts shrinking" - so true. I drink so fast that it goes to my head and I can't even read properly quite soon. It's ridiculous and stupid.

I was torturing myself a while ago watching a documentary about alcoholism. One of the doctors said something like, "Alcoholics start from all sorts of different places and are all sorts of different people, but Ii always ends up in the same place: a person, alone, in a room, with a bottle." I found that terrifying. I can see how it happens. And it is terrifying. I don't want to end up in that room.

NC4 - that guy sounds lush, did you wink at him? ;)

Segregate - must be all your courage calling to me then :)
Why is your DH in Vegas? Hope he is ok.

Longest - sorry you didn't get the job. I know what you mean about camping - it is brilliant - but man it takes a lot out of you. how did you get on with your mum etc last night? Why "interesting"? doesn't sound like.... interesting in a good way.

I love a Wednesday morning without a hangover. Tuesday is a childfree night for me and I have too often taken too much advantage of it and felt like a seething carcass all day Wednesday. In fact, I think it was last Wednesday that I came here with the hangover of doom and was pretty sure I was killing myself. I feel less close to death today. Thank you all for your support.

Have a good day everyone

DH (now safely back at the hotel) is there for a holiday with his son (25 but special needs). He normally relies on me to know where we are going and how to get there. But hey, the wrong bus is an easy mistake to make.

A person alone in a room with a bottle - those are words to remember.

And yay to hangover free Wednesdays! Have a good hump day y'all.

senseless my mum has been a problem drinker for as long as I can remember but worse since my dad died and she met her enabling dp, who prompted her to switch from beer to wine. She's the weather vane for where I don't want to end up - it has affected her work, relationships, health, social life more broadly. On the other hand she has many good qualities, not least a generous heart, and she still has friends- she's not quite alone in a room - at least not always. This one is relatively new and is going to my DM's french flat with her. On the one hand it's great that she's going with teetotal friend instead of enabling dp. On the other hand I am not sure my DM has it in her to cut back her drinking to socially acceptable levels and prolonged exposure to this when you're teetotal, especially with religious censure in the background, had got to be a challenge. Could end up in conflict. Feels high stakes. Hence.... interesting.

And yes the irony of having a clear example of problem drinking is not lost on me. I am not in that place. I don't drink every day, or alone, or during the day, or in secret or regularly drink so much I slur my words and repeat myself. But I have done of the same unhealthy impulses and associations, I know I do. And I don't want to be too arrogant while dancing the tightrope.

Oh I get all that. Very interesting.

The whole relationships thing is such an added stress / non stress vector. There is this whole co-dependent thing which is such a huge part of alcoholism. I am concerned that if something goes wrong with bf - who isn't really what we'd call a drinker, but who never judges drinking, but somehow I don't feel the need to drink a lot when I am with him, although we quite often have one - then everything could fall apart with me.

But then again, that is not his fault. It isn't the case that I could take myself out of this danger by not having relationships, because it is clear that it is a sense of missing something - which is probably love, put most simply - which is a huge part of my insatiable booze appetite. Or: It isn't as if, if no one loved me, I wouldn't need love. It is, however, the case that someone loving me now for 5 minutes doesn't mean that they will love me for ever.

it's a nightmare. There's lots to manage and lots of precarity and no amount of thinking is going to make security happen.

I hope things work out for your mum on holiday, longest.

Oh the thing about censure, and religious censure - bf never ever implies that I should drink less and if he did I KNOW what it would make me do. I never hide drinking from him, even when I have had more than him and if I start doing that, we're doomed (as a couple) and I'm doomed (as a boozer)

Senseless, yes totally. DH is inclined to blame unsuitable dp but if anything she was worse in the year they split up. She's quite needy, my mum, but also has the same tendency I do for carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. As I said - a generous soul, but the heightened consciousness also comes with a yawning chasm of despair. Is a bummer.

NC I have a thing about work boots and men in work gear so may have been persuaded to overlook the daft hair. Our vet turned up in work boots, a pair of old jeans and a vetty tabard thing the other day and he looked quite fit as well. Had a lovely harmless flirt with him 😀. He's very happily married with 2 dcs and I have known him 10 years so know he is game for a laugh.

My mate was there as well having her horse done as well, and it remained me of going out when we were young, free and single and flirting with blokes in bars and clubs. I used to be quite good at it and I think it's a skill that should be practiced occasionally to keep it sharp 😂😂.

Just had to rescue my ndn from our bloody pigeon ffs. Pigeon has taken to wandering in if you leave the back door open. He's got in from work, put their Guinea Pigs out in their pen for some grass, jumped in shower and came down to pigeon sat on top of living room door. Fml. The things I end up doing. He's quite tame (pigeon not ndn though he's tame as well) so I managed to catch him easily enough and have put him back to bed for day for being naughty.

Off to ponies tonight with dcs. Now dd has finished her exams (last one tmrw) am hoping she will relax a bit. Am looking forward to the school holidays, I seem to get more done without having to knock off at 2.10pm every day for school run and feeding chickens. Dd is away for 5 days at the start for her school trip to the Somme, so we have that to organise but other than that we have no plans. Dh is taking the friday off on the last week, dd goes to the somme on the Thursday so am contemplating letting ds miss the last day and taking him to the Yorkshire Wildlife Park for the day if the weather is nice. Hopefully be a bit quieter before the holidays and can be his treat instead of going away with school.

Lol I love the idea of your pigeon, Frouby! We only get skanky flying rats down here, or greedy cherry-pinching wood pigeons. I once watched two devour an entire tree's worth and then fall drunkenly out of the tree. Even pigeons find moderation though.

Stressful work day but feel more in control now than at the beginning, so that's a modest win. Have to spend day off going for X ray in search of missing coil and blood tests for pcos and blood sugar - dull, but perhaps I'll do a bit of work catch up while I wait and bank some brownie points ahead of school hols which will be madness. Have last two weeks off and am part time anyway but rest involves logistical nightmare of swapped playdates, lift shares and holiday clubs. Dd1 bless her has opted for the adventure playground as default choice, which is one of the logistically easy and cheapest options but untested and slightly worrisome. It's where we had dd2's party and is definitely has an "edge". Ah well, she spends most of her life in a ludicrously middle class bubble so perhaps it will do her good. Sitting on hands to stop self signing her up to poncey art camp and forest school which I will curse for being too short hours and too far away. She's too young for county lines recruitment right???

Frouby - you're so right - gotta keep that flirting sharp :)

Longest - sorry about the stressful work day and the medical stuff. And the holidays childcare juggling - ARGH!

I have lots of child / work / activities stuff to sort out. Feeling vaguely capable at times and utterly panicked at others. Later when the dcs are in bed I'll plan out some potential plans with a pencil and that will make me feel calmer - even if none of them actually come off :)

Mini 7 day audit:

Wed, thur, fri, sat - booze free
Sunday - one drink
Monday - two drinks
Tuesday - booze free
Wed (today) - heading for booze free but I know better than to take anything for granted

Yeah! pretty good, right? I am kind of prouder of stopping at one or two on occasional days drinking than of the booze free days.

I'll never keep this up with my family (not my kids, my parents / siblings) but that's in July. I'll just take this one day at a time for now