Wankerbastards will upset us that try, but we will still be dry. Or dryer at a push. It's a good job we are not in a rush.

[Frouby]

Thread 6 for the Tryers to be Dryers.

Support thread for reducing alcohol, stopping alcohol, monitoring alcohol. All welcome, absolutely no judgement. Whatever your aims with alcohol come and join us here. Lots of swearing but no judging or criticising.

Previous threads dotted around but can never do clicky links.

NC4 - 😂😂

Reasons for me

To drink- dh is continuing to be a wankerbastard. And in fact worsening and telling me to fuck off over and over.

Not to drink - .........................

Hmmmmmm

Flossie, that is terrible. He presumably knows he can say that to you because you won't say it back to him. I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. 💐

Your he screamed fuck off over and over til I walked out the room, with my dinner on a plate, and into my bedroom. I’ve just gone back in to clear up the kitchen while he lies on the sofa.

How can I go from loving someone to hating them in one day. I look at him today and feel no love, just utter disgust!! I’m broken!!

Yes. Not your

I'd have twatted him over the head with the dinner the absolute wankerbastard.

Do something lovely, you don't deserve this .

Reasons for me not to drink.

1. Fatclub tomorrow.

1. I might still shit myself. Haven't trusted a fart since about 5pm yesterday.

1. My poor starfish won't take anymore pooing.

Oh and do you all remember my dozy arse dsis who bought a horse a few months ago despite being a knobber who doesn't.fucking.listen. And has no idea of the risks etc? Well her 13 year old stepdaughter fell off the horse today and broke her wrist.

Accidents happen anytime with horses. But they are much more likely to happen if you don't know what you are doing. Which I did say. Feel sorry for the step daughter but I could see it coming.

Sorry to be so self absorbed. I just tried to go outside for fresh air. He screamed I’m a control freak by going and if I go, then I’m not welcome back!! Wtaf. I now feel trapped with a complete twat screaming at me and no way out. I just don’t know what to do 😫😫

oh Flossie is your wankerbastard husband sober? Or has he been drinking? His behavior is completely unacceptable and I'd hit him over he head with a tray or something heavier. It sounds like it isn't you, he has something else bothering him and he is telling it out on you my lovely. Stay cool you have nothing to reproach yourself for.
Men are so bloody useless they are incapable of looking after themselves generally but don't mind criticizing us for spending too much at the supermarket or not cleaning out cupboards often enough when they are sat on their arses whilst you do the washing, cooking, cleaning,gardening, school run, look after the animals, and then a days work in top of that.

Thanks Madame. He’s sober. Which means he has no excuse. It started before breakfast this morn. He went to golf this Pm. I though that would diffuse things. I tried mega hard to make him happy when he got home. Had even briefed the children to be happy to encourage him. However the things he has said this evening to me are so shocking that I’m not sure how I can move forward. Seriously abusive and awful!! I stayed calm and didn’t raise my voice. So he then started impersonating me in a soft sickly voice. He basically ripped me to shreds without laying a finger on me. It would have been easier to handle and process if he’s hit me. Seriously never felt so beaten.

Flossie, I was just checking in before going to bed. Where are you now?? I am the last person who could give you any kind of advice, not least as I know it's so easy to advise from a distance, and so much harder when you're in the situation. But, for whatever reason, he is being vile to you when a) you are a lovely, generous, selfless person who deserves to be cherished, and b) it would be the very last thing you need ATM, even if you were none of those things. Is it his weird way of being upset/anxious about DD2? I know I'm clutching at straws, but I can't imagine any reason why he would behave like this unless something has sent him seriously over the edge. And even if that is the case, he needs to find ways to cope without taking it out on you, FFS. I really don't know what to say, but I think you have to get your fresh air then go back in and pretend he's not there. He can't seriously expect you not to go back into your own house??? He ought to be the one going for fresh air and not coming back ATM. What would he do if you spoke back to him? Can the DC hear him shouting at you to fuck off? Where is DS - and if he's around, is there any way he could talk any sense into DH, once things have calmed down? (I am not sure my DS would be much good at that, but they sometimes surprise you). Sorry for so many questions - I'm just desperately trying to come up with something that might help. Otherwise, it's just very big hugs. xx

Thank you Dion. I’ve locked myself in my bedroom. He’s led on sofa with tv on as if nothing has happened. He said horrific things, clapped in my face, impersonated me and generally mentally abused me. I can see this clearly. I’ve learnt to become distant to emotions over the last couple of years. The shirt thing made him flip. Then the fact I couldn’t be here for BT. Simple as that. I’ve racked my brain for a more decent reason for him being this way. He was a gent yesterday. Yet today a complete tyrant. Ds has gone back to uni. Yes both dd’s could hear him. They’ve both been to see me and said they couldn’t believe the things daddy has said to me and how mean he was. This is even harder to bear as this morning if asked him that if he needed to speak to me like an arse, don’t do it in earshot of the children as it’s teaching them the wrong way to handle relationships. Hence why it hit me to the core when he impersonated me and said ‘ooooo let’s speak nicely in front of the children so they think we are oh so lovely’.
I’ve told him not to come to bed. He said he will do what he likes.

Flossie my lovely. I am just catching up. I think MN would tell you to call women's aid. I don't think I am in a position to advise anyone but one thing I would say is you sound strong tonight. Like you know that it's him that's flipped and absolutely nothing to do with you. I am worried for you though. Do you have anywhere to go? Xxxxxxxx

Flossie, lovely, he's being a cunt, I'm so sorry 💐

I’m seriously on the verge of losing it but trying not to. Drinking, obviously.

I am feeling strong. I feel numb. Just totally broken in the fact he can behave like this towards me. I wouldn’t leave. I deserve my home and children. He doesn’t deserve anything by treating someone he supposedly Loves like this.

So sorry to have moaned today. You really are all wonderful. And I consider you all such dear friends. X

Flossie, how are you this morning? You are right that whatever it is, it's his problem and is absolutely nothig to do with anything you have done, should have done, could have done. He is being an absolute shit. Your poor DDs. As if they haven't got enough to cope with anyway. It seems almost unbelievable that someone could behave like that and still expect everything else to stay the same. If anyone were to leave, it should be him. The other problem with shitty behaviour is that they have phases of then behaving decently, which makes you think that everything might be ok. And it is, for a bit, until it isn't (again). It was the realisation that this was going to be the pattern, forever, that made me give XH an ultimatum (namely: if you behave like that one more time, I will leave you. Having said that, of course, I then had no choice but to leave him when he did behave shittily again). Weirdly, leaving him was very easy. The aftermath was the hard bit (and still is, sometimes). I'm off to work now but will check in again later.

Water, hugs for you too. We are all here if you need us.

Thanks Dion. All you say hits the nail on the head. You are so right. He’s behaving like a dick. He did come to bed but I ignored him. When the alarm went off this morning, I felt his arm go across me to hug me. I led still. When he left for work he said he couldn’t believe how cold I am towards him this morning despite him trying to hug me in bed. I told him ‘a hug isn’t going to mend what you said and did last night’. He looked like I’d punched him, and off he skulked to work.
I hope work goes ok lovely.

Frouby - how’s your starfish? Sounds like beer gave you an upset tummy on an empty stomach?? Beer always does that to me, I find it really gassy. Maybe your body isn’t used to it anymore?? You’ve done so well with af that maybe it’s rejecting nasties.

Water - how you doing?

Longest - enjoy your camping trip. Sounds so much fun. Let us know how it’s going.

NC4 - did you opt for the wine?

Madame - I’m in awe of you and your fitness. You are incredible. You’ve given me hope for myself. I’m 45 and would love to get back into it like I once was. Is kind of written myself off. But to then see you started at 48. I know a lady who had never run in her life, and did couch to 5k when she turned 40. She’s now 48 and completed an iron man in America!! Incredible and inspiring!!

Flossie. Good on you for standing your ground. I hope he has a long hard think about things. Sending you so much love.

Hosting my mum and her teetotal (religious reasons) friend tonight. They are off on holiday together. That could be... interesting.

Have so much work to do this week it is unreal. Did not get shortlisted for long shot job, though feedback scores were not embarrassing. Is somewhat of a relief really as still unsure if promotion would be worth it, though I would probably have a better chance at less glamorous job. Going to sit tight for a while anyway as have enough to be going on with!

Camping again this weekend, this time with dd1's class. Part of me wants to suggest camping trips all over the shop now and part of me knows i would probably die from the lack of sleep and liver damage.

Flossie . Get this week out of the way then have a good think about where you want to be and what you want to do. It's easy to say ltb but not as easy in real life. If his behaviour is escalating like this, does he need a doctor? I make no excuses for someone being a cunt, but sometimes if someone is acting completely out of character it is MH issues.

Busy day today. Got vet coming for ponies boosters and dentist, babypony might need some teeth removed (completely normal) and littlepony hates the vet with a passion so will be mainly hanging onto him while he goes up the back of the stable wall. Sigh.

My dh and dd were both knobbers last night as well ffs. Dd being rude to dh, dh reaction was completely disproportionate to her comments. Dd got a bollocking off me that reduced her to tears without even raising my voice. Dh got a similar bollocking without either of us raising our voices because he knew he was in the wrong. So that was a funday sunday. Fml.

And ds had a haircut at the weekend and has been very precious about it. Had to spend 10 minutes this morning styling it fir him with wax. Fml.

Be glad to battle with ponies I think, at least a growl usually works on them.

Ugh DH and dd2 only just out of my hair. Kept interrupting for all sorts of shit reasons to do with umbrellas and rain coats. Somehow have to fit in fetching car from garage (already dropped it in), phone appointment re mystery of the missing coil, taking delivery of supermarket shop and cooking dinner for DM and guest into world's busiest working day. And obviously checking in with you guys takes priority above all ;-)

Frouby - hope the beta goes ok for ponies. Sounds like you had some troubles with emotional dh’s too last night!! Hope today better for you.

Longest - good luck with the entertaining. Sounds like you have loads on today. Look forward to the next camping trip. Will get you through. Good luck.

Mine is emotional because work is a bit shit for him at minute and also because he is drinking far too much to cope properly with shit work.

I can't stop him drinking as much but I can distance myself from it and call him on his behaviour when it comes out. Have realised this last month or so that a lot of behaviour I don't like in myself are due to drink, and I drink because dh drinks and it's easier to be slightly pissed listening to someone prattle on than what it is stone cold sober.

But I dislike my behaviour (drinking, eating crap food, not getting stuff done) more than I dislike listening to dh waffle on. And sober I can actually escape it. And if I am not worrying about gin oclock I can do stuff after school like ponies and kayaking. Have kept evenings free for the last few years so I can have a drink. Now I am not drinking as much and as often I have my evenings back and am determined to do something with them.

Dh doesn't like it. He likes me at home being a good little wifey cooking and cleaning and where he can see me. It's not that he thinks I am going to be up to no good, he just seems to think my place is by his side, drinking gin. Because if I am drinking every night it's ok for him to drink every night as well if that makes sense.

Hopefully my new found enthusiasm for doing stuff will eventually get through to dh. If it doesn't he can sit and drink by himself. Will keep friday nights free, mainly because I can work through the afternoon if dh picks ds up but mon to thurs I am doing stuff, Saturday I am doing stuff and sunday I am doing stuff.

He won't like it, but nothing we are doing excludes him. And he can do his own thing as well, he was supposed to service his bike this weekend but obviously that didn't happen. He likes the allotment but wants me with him doing it, and he will be a member of the boathouse this week so can do watersports as well if he wants.

He won't though. Or I will be surprised if he does. We will see.

I hope your dh sees the positives in how you’ve changed your life frouby. You really have done amazingly. You turned things around for yourself. I bet your children note the difference too.

Want to ask you lovely ladies what to do. Dh at work. Not spoken to him today. If he texts or phones I’m so worried how to react. I want to be the better person. I don’t want t lecture or bollock him. I don’t want to give him any ammunition to blame me for his behaviour. I’m expecting him to say I drove him to it in some way. I know he will
Say this. He will project his bad behaviour and say I swore and screamed. Which I didn’t.
Is a ‘I don’t want to discuss what happened as I’m shocked to the core quite frankly’ enough? He will expect me to call him
Up on his behaviour. I’d like to take that expectation and control away from him.

Am on DP's laptop in a quick break to see if there are any updates, Flossie. I think I don’t want to discuss what happened as I’m shocked to the core quite frankly is probably the best response. If you lecture him/bollock him, it will just give him more "reason" (yeah, right) to say that you think you're always in the right, blah, blah. It's like with children - you need to get through to them when they are in the wrong, without punishing them in such a way that they start to feel like the victims (iyswim). Your H is completely and utterly in the wrong here, and he needs to recognise that. I do wonder, though, what's going on in his head for him to behave in such a hideous way. I suspect he doesn't even know what it is, if there is something. So many men are bad at articulating problems, even to themselves, and end up just acting out. So horrible for you, though.

Frouby, you sound like a different woman. What, if anything, was the tipping point when you became able to make what's actually a massive change?? (Was there a tipping point, or was it more gradual?) Whatever it is, I want some of it. I hope your DH can make a few changes, too. Good luck with the ponies.

Longest, I'm glad you can at least find a few minutes to be on here!

Thanks heaps Dion. Yes I think you’re utterly right on this one. He needs to know he’s in the wrong without having any reason to feel the victim in this. He wants a reaction. I haven’t and won’t give him one. Therefore he’s lost. And it’s my win!!
He’s always had a massive temper. I’ve no idea why he chose yesterday to explode. Other than me not finding the frigging shirt. Then was angry but didn’t realise why. So was looking for any reason at all the blame me for his bad mood. Then he didn’t need to take responsibility for his mood as could blame me. Apparently I raised my eyebrows at him while cooking dinner!! Twat!!

How’s dd doing?? Did she go to school ok today?? And how was your weekend??

Frouby - I too want a bit of your strength in turning things around. I’m in awe

Hope everyone's weekend was ok - just catching up on the posts.

Had 1 glass of wine Friday night, 2 glasses Saturday night but fell back in with 2 bottles yesterday so McDonald's is calling me for lunch.

Had a fab day out to the Isle of Wight on the Hovercraft, very lucky with the weather & really enjoyed it AF :-)