Wankerbastards will upset us that try, but we will still be dry. Or dryer at a push. It's a good job we are not in a rush.

[Frouby]

Thread 6 for the Tryers to be Dryers.

Support thread for reducing alcohol, stopping alcohol, monitoring alcohol. All welcome, absolutely no judgement. Whatever your aims with alcohol come and join us here. Lots of swearing but no judging or criticising.

Previous threads dotted around but can never do clicky links.

Fallen off the wagon. Must have drunk 1.5 bottles of wine yesterday. Didn't sleep well at all. Went next door for Chinese at 10pm. Cooked breakfast in hotel. Argh the calories. Back to it tomorrow. At least i dont even feel hungover. It was spaced out over a long time.

Hi please can I join?

I've always drunk too much, on and off, but now I'm 47 and scared.

I've got two kids (10 and 8), a job, good friends, a house, a lovely new-ish boyfriend, a functional relationship with my ex (dcs' father), a garden, a piano, lots of interests, and NO REASON to be SUCH a dick.

Friday morning I felt so ill I didn't know what to do. I'd drunk so much I walked the dcs to school as I didn't dare drive. By evening I had to order pizza and freeze the food I was going to cook as I wasn't functioning. Saturday I decided not to drink at all; then, as I had half a bottle of wine open I thought I'd just drink that; I drank that and a whole one and a couple of beers. Today I feel so worryingly fine that I dread to think how much I must have drunk on Thursday night.

It's horrible. I am wasting my life and it might kill me.

Today the dcs are with their dad and my bf is going to come over, exhausted after working. I'm going to tell him I'm not drinking, don't have any wine in, and we can have tea, or he can have a whiskey if he wants and I'll have tea. I'm hoping he'll be so shattered he'll just go for the tea. He's not a real drinker and I haven't decided what to tell him yet.

Right I'm going to read back and get to know all a bit now. Apologies for the me-me-me-me.

Hope you're having a good day everyone

Senseless welcome to the thread. I hope you find support, we have all felt like you at some point. The first step is always recognising that you have a problem relationship with alcohol, and the first step is the hardest to take. Tell your boyfriend you are reducing what you drink, tell him you feel better for not drinking and that you want more AF days, and less alcohol on the days you do drink. I just tell DH I am ha ing a dry day and he doesn't comment at all now usually, though he is an enabler and tries to get me to keep him company sometimes.

Well dd is back from her adventures on the peak district. Am actually super proud of her and she has surprised me. Her group failed the navigation part, got hopelessly lost and was collected by mini bus 2 hours after they should have been at camp. If you had asked me yesterday I would have said she would be distraught but she was laughing. Said it was so bad, they were so cold and wet and tired and lost all she actually could do was channel me and laugh at it all. Said the girls were all snapping at each other, taking it in turns to cry or having to stop and rest.

Dd says she was sure they would be collected by bus, so made them come off the tracks and find a road and start walking to the nearest village which is where they were eventually collected from. Said everyone, including the boy in their group,cried when they were told they had failed, but she just laughed and said 'oh good, we get to spend another day together, walking miles and miles in the pouring rain'.

So she has to do another orienteering walk but not camp as they passed that part. Am really proud of her attitude to it and have told her that she will go far in life if she can see the humour in shit situations. Especially given that she is usually such a stresshead.

In another news DH got his arse kicked this morning for thinking every weekend is for him to lie on the sofa like a fucking king while I run myself ragged. Result was he did a huge pile of ironing I have been putting off all week and hung everything up as well. So I was then quite happy to make sunday dinner.

Just waiting for ds to finish having a bath then going to jump in the shower, and maybe start watching Happy Valley. Or I might just get straight in bed and read for a bit.

Had a lovely sleep last night, fell asleep about 10pm, woke up at 6am, went for a wee then got back in bed and slept through until 8am! Must have needed it. Been dry again today as well, had a becks blue while making dinner and that was it.

Welcome to the thread senseless as Frouby says, we have all been there and the fact that you recognize you have a problem is half the battle.** When I want to be AF I offer DP a beer or whisky later on and that works. I wouldn't say anything yet, but maybe set yourself objectives on how much (or how little) you want to drink each week
Frouby You are doing brilliantly! Do you feel much better? Glad DH has stopped flopping 😂 and made himself useful. I wish mine would do his ironing, I have enough of that to do. Men have no idea of how long housekeeping and cooking actually takes.
No moderation at all this weekend. 3 bottles of wine over 3 nights just because it was nice with DP.
DD went to first music festival and realized what feeling cold and tired means.
This week I've run 96km and cycled 100km. And put on weight. If I stopped drinking wine I would have lost weight. That's how fattening alcohol is 😳 especially when you are over 50

Hello Frouby, hello MadameForest - thank you!

Boyfriend cancelled for tonight - his work spiralled out of control and I thought it would have been too late for me - I'm going to have a quiet night in and think about some stuff, do some writing and some planning.

I've put all the wine and beer in the garage. I've got some nice white burgundy which is a birthday present for boyfriend - I wouldn't tuck into that anyway; some decent every day reds which I want to keep out of sight; a handful of little beers that my dad left which I'm not that interested in anyway. All out of the house.

I've got some whiskey and I think I can have the occasional tiny nip. It's not as more-ish as wine. Not now though. I need some time AF.

I'm hoping to wake up feeling good tomorrow and get some exercise going.

Goals for the week:

No alcohol. Full 7 days AF.
One early morning swim
One after work swim
Walk to and from station in town at least twice each (mile and a half)
stretching daily
Writing some of my own stuff

It's not much and I hope I can fit in an attempt to run (back to square one on couch to 5K) and / or yoga with adrienne (I can do that with my kids). But I'm putting hard goals here that I am determined to meet. Swimming before work is absolutely incompatible with alcohol so that's a good one.

Frouby - your daughter sounds incredible. If either of mine has that attitude at her age I will be so chuffed. Lovely that she says she gets it from you :)

Madame - I know housekeeping is such a bore. I'm happy I only have me and the girls to look after - it makes it very very easy and simple the days the girls aren't here!

Survived the party! Think it went ok. Cake got devoured in three seconds flat. And for those wondering, Parents of 20ish kids (some siblings) will imbibe 14 bottles of beer and 1 bottle of prosecco at a lunchtime party. I had half a plastic cup of prosecco. AF tonight and feeling renewed vigour for moderation and calorie counting for some reason. Will see how long it lasts.

Spent the afternoon as a one woman removal firm, heaving furniture about now dd2 has swapped rooms. Place is still a tip but progress has been made. Am hoping if I move more toys out of the living room it will be easier to keep on top of things.

Good on Frouby"s DD, what a trooper.

Welcome Senseless, I think you'll fit in here.

Madame, hope your dad enjoyed the festival. I do not iron. Learned helplessness. DH does his own.

Dd, not dad.

Sounds like a plan senseless. I love swimming too. Working from home tomorrow so wondering if I will manage a lunchtime dip, though it's the outdoor pool I love and forecast is shit.

Hi Senseless 👋🏼
Your goals sound good. I think you’ll fit in here too.
Well survived Longest. I’m feeling renewed vigour too. Last week was a bit shit, but I’m optimistic for this one. I’m really looking forward to getting stuck back in with my PT. I’ve missed him this past year!
In one week it will be a year since we moved into this house, and left XH. Incredible. It feels like a real milestone.
Frouby I’m impressed by DD’s resilience. It’ll stand her in good stead.
Madame I don’t iron either. I think DS1 was 12 when he moaned his favourite shirt wasn’t ironed, so I took him into the kitchen and showed him how to do it. I’ve not ironed any of his shirts since.
I’ve started reading the Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, and am really enjoying it. God, I can relate to so much of it though.🤦‍♀️

Feel proud of your milestone NC4, you did it!

Thinking of our accent conversation, my friend was amused that my kids said "plant pot" when reading treasure hunt clue. I was genuinely confused. What else would you call it? A flower pot? A plahnt pot, apparently.

I have a night out this weekend it's going to be a big test!! I'm going to do what was suggested and stay away from wine and beer. Any reasonable nice low cal/ lowish alcohol drink iseads?

Frouby you’re dd is an absolute trooper indeed. Wow!! You should be incredibly proud. You’ve taught her independence and a perfect mindset.
As for your AF, I’m inspired!!

Longest - well done on surviving the party!! Bloody hate kids parties!!

NC4 - that’s a real milestone. Be proud.

Madame - hope you’ve enjoyed your bank holiday. My parents are still in France and say the weathers not good. Well done on your exercise, that’s seriously hardcore stuff!!

Senseless - welcome!! This is a great place to be. You’ve got some brill plans in place for this week. Be strong and you can achieve.

As for me..had half bottle red Friday night. A bottle of white last night. And half bottle of white tonight. I’ve told myself I can have white wine on the weekends, otherwise it’s red!! I can’t drink much red without feeling wierd, so it’s forces moderation.
My plan for this week is to try to be AF for two nights. That sounds nothing compared to a lot of you, but that’s seriously tough for me right now. Can’t remember the last af day I had.
Mind you I think I’m going to have to attempt this Monday and Tuesday!! As Wednesday I have a big meeting about dd. Know it’s going to be a toughie so have already allowed myself wine that night. Also ds is coming home end of week. I haven’t seen him since end of December..so that will involve wine too!!!!!
So the plan is mon and tues.....af!!

My god..I so want to be able to. Let’s see.....

NC happy 1 year anniversary. I bet a year ago you couldn't imagine what your life would be like now. You should be very proud of what you have achieved for your family.

Flossie you can soooooo do this. Honestly. Get busy at wine o'clock. Clean a cupboard, do an exercise dvd, go for a walk, read a book or have a lovely bath. Anything at all to distract you. Tell yourself you are treating yourself to an AF night, a good kip and a nice evening relaxing not worrying about how much you are drinking.

Dd is taking a duvet day today. She has asked for a day off which I have said she can have. She never asks for a day off, we have usually argued in the past about her going in when she isn't well enough to. It's only revision they are doing so she can do that at home.

Busy day today, bit of housework then working all day, picking ds up then going to my mams.

Madame I do feel better for my decent stint at AF or serious moderation. My skin is definitely better, my mood is more constant and I have more energy. And I am slowly losing weight, despite eating pretty normally for me. That first half stone came off quickly but I know it will slow down unless I am really strict with following SW, which I never am. But as long as it's coming off I am ok with it. My diet has never been the issue, it's always the drink and the eating of crap when tired/hungover/slightly pissed.

So yes I feel better. But am not being complacent. Have drunk far too much for the last 4 years, and for probably 3 years before I was pg with ds. When I think back over my life of being fat/slim the times I was slimmest was always when I wasn't drinking much, and most active physically. So when I was in banks, I was fat (until I found drugs instead of drink). When I did sales I was slim as was too knackered after 12 hour shifts to drink. When I was on my own with dd I worked in a pub and then a butchers and was slim as wasn't drinking hardly at all, then running around all day. Met dh and we didn't hardly drink at home. Then I got an office based job, used to have wine most nights and was fat again.

So there is definitely a link between activity levels and drink. I think if I am physically busy all day I don't need to relax with a drink, just stopping is relaxing enough. Whereas if I am doing a desk job, I need the alcohol to feel done with the day. Especially I think as I work from home now.

Anyway, I feel better and need to keep reminding myself of that fact.

Frouby that makes for interesting reading. I have always done office jobs, except student jobs, and definitely recognise the "wine to feel done with the day" thing. I suppose it's to switch your mind off. On the other hand after I had spent yesterday afternoon heaving wardrobes and whatnot I felt ok. Ditto Tuesday feels like a good day to be AF because it's Woodcraft folk after work. Perhaps I just need to find something that gives me that sense of mental release. I know Madame will say running but I think I have to be realistic about how far my good intentions will take me and I really do not like running. Is means to an end at best. Pool is open till 8 now so that might be an option, but I have to be pretty organised to manage it. Piano practice might work, though it is a bit more concentraty.

Thanks frouby.

I woke up this morning and weighed myself. Know I shouldn’t have as only started SW on Friday. I’ve eaten no crap since Friday. I’ve cooked separate for me. Even having a bbq on sat night consisted of salads for me and no bread rolls etc. So why ffs have I put on quarter of a bloody pound!!!!!! 😫😫
So I’ve absolutely promised myself I will be AF tonight. And will then try tomorrow too. I really hope my day is ok and I can nail this today. I’ve got half a bottle of white in the fridge that I’m about to tip down the plug hole!!!! There is NO other way!!

Hi Everyone.

Flossie - you can do it. I'll be online tonight and I'll check and say hi.
Hi Terry, hi Longest - looking forward to getting to know everyone.

When I made my grand plans last night I forgot a camping thing this weekend. I haven't decided whether to commute my plans to involve a little social drinking with that lot or just have a big flask of coffee and suck it up. If I get to Saturday without a drink anyway that will be 6 days AF which is the longest for a while. I'll think about it closer to the time. I really don't want to rebound from white knuckling it and go nuts drinking at home on Sunday. I need a cunning plan, like Baldrick.

So much positivity on this thread! thanks for having me.

PS I love giving BJs too

Just had massive row with Dd1 over getting off to school. Neighbour was here with her kid who we were supposed to be taking. We were late and she was just pissing about and would not come. Had to physically put her shoes on and evict her from house. Feel like shit.

Senseless, this is the trouble isn't it, there's always something to disrupt our good intentions. I think I'd be inclined to switch your plans around to allow for some moderate camp drinking because you don't want AF to feel like one long punishment. On the other hand if you were to manage camping AF without being too resentful then you can manage anything IMO and it could be a game changer. Knowing my experience with dry jan though I don't think I'd approach it with the right attitude and it might be counterproductive.

Dd2 on the other hand is still here, quietly playing Lego by herself. DH is supposed to have taken her to nursery but is awol, FML. Why is she so well behaved when Dd1 is such a ratbag? Don't know whether to blame DH's ADHD genes or 4 years of only child indulgence

Ahh Longest, huge sympathy on the school front. Main thing is, she's there. I got DS2 to school today with no fuss or drama. I'm already winning at this week

Spoke too soon as dd2 now wants attention and fell down the stairs for no reason at all (I was right there). Am kind of annoyed. If dh had told me he just wasn't going to get up I would have taken her myself and would have been a bit resentful, but less so.

Catching up again. I don't seem to have much time ATM, though still seem to find time for wine . Yesterday it was the sodding enabling neighbours. They got married (not a big wedding - just them), and then had a party to which they invited everyone who might be bothered by the noise. So I had about an entire bottle of Champagne, having decided not to drink. FML.

Flossie, let's try to do two days together. I can't honestly say I'll manage it, but I'll try. As Longest says, there's always something that disrupts good intentions.

Frouby, your DD is a star (and she gets it from you, yay!!) I am beyond impressed by your AF/moderation. I've just read your advice for Flossie, and I'm going to try to follow it too.

Welcome, Senseless. It's funny how we could all be speaking for one another. Stick with us.

NC4, that's an anniversary to celebrate. You are so strong, and you should be proud of what you have achieved for yourself and your DSs.

Longest, sympathy on the school thing. I am still struggling to get DD there some days.

On a completely different topic, I hadn't realised that bum sex was a thing for men generally.

Hi all, i'd like to join in for a little support. My weekend drinking has got way out of hand with a couple of bottles of wine a day Friday to Sunday & no stop button. Problem is everything (especially the boring jobs) are more enjoyable with a glass of wine which then leads to another etc etc.

Feeling low & hungover today but determined that I am going to stop - any tips greatly appreciated

Welcome Hippy. I totally get what you’re saying. Everything feels better with wine!! That’s me in a nutshell!! I’m already thinking about wine and just don’t know how I’m going to get through tonight without one.
Hang in there, join us, and walk this path with us.

Dion - I’m totally with you on trying my very best to succeed tonight. I’m already wobbling and feel
Quite stressed about the thought of not having a glass in my hand tonight. I need to think of the benefits!!
Mine is habitual also....Big Little lies starts again tonight. Love that programme. It would be sooooo good to snuggle on sofa with a glass!! A cuppa just doesn’t excite me!!

Arghhhhhh

Who else is going to join Dion and I tonight?? X

Raising hand Flossie! I have no DM or MIL here tonight so no hosting excuse, but am not used to Mondays being AF so already have the nagging voice on my shoulder that I "deserve" it after AF yesterday and there's plenty of opportunity to be AF tomorrow. Shut up voice!

Welcome Hippy I hope you find the support here you need. There is no judgement and we all get on and fall off the wagon pretty frequently, no-one wants to give up drinking completely just drink less.

Frouby your advice is spot on. Thank goodness today is the last bank holiday (until mid July, but it's at the weekend so doesn't count) and so no excuse to drink in the week. I'm with you Flossie Sense and Dion - you can do it! I'm going for 4 nights this week, I really want to get the wine out of my system for a stretch. The 'reward' mentality can be hard to get out of, why should you need a reward for doing a day's work? There is no logic, but the relaxation that a drink gives is difficult to beat. Keeping busy during the trigger time is the most important thing and in the summer it's easier, you can go outside and avoid the fridge/wine.

Flossie a quarter of a pound is nothing, and your weight can fluctuate immensely within just a day. I lost a kg this morning when I weighed myself before and after a run in the pouring rain yes the weather is crap here at the moment

Longest I'd never push anyone towards running, there are a lot of people who don't enjoy it at all. The most important thing is to find an activity which you enjoy and which can become a habit. I just tried running because I live in the back and beyond of the French countryside and it was the easiest thing to do at the time!

NC4 I enjoyed Catherine Gray's book too, it was a good read and she gives some good advice, even if it is more geared to being teetotal.

I like giving BJ's too, however I like licking testicles a lot less and sadly that is something that DP enjoys a lot as well as bum sex.

Is there anyone here who doesn't do a lot of sport who doesn't weigh more than they want? If I didn't do sport I couldn't drink wine, or even eat more than 2 meals a day without being overweight. The joys of being over 50.