Tryers to be dryers spring into spring, not as much wine, beer or gin. We sow our seeds of hope for a dryer season, but if we drink, it's for a reason.

[Frouby]

Thread 5 for Tryers to be Dryers. A thread for those who want support for moderating or reducing alcohol. Whatever you hope to do, whether it's to have more dry days, or be less wet when you do drink, come and join us for support.

Absolutely no judgement here, just friendly support and chat, the odd swear (lots of swears to be honest). All welcome, new and old tryers to dryers.

Glad you're on the mend NC4.

Thanks Frouby - that sounds amazing and so tempting! We are in Haworth at the moment but heading to Northumberland today (more driving). Back in Yorkshire in a couple of days though - staying with dcousin in Sheffield and doing some day trips into the Peak District.

It's his mental health I guess- he's so on edge - he winces every time the DC open their mouth and has started doing it to me. Is bloody awful tbh and he is aware of that but then he starts with the "I'm useless, my life is over" stuff which is no better. He had better get over it soon or I genuinely think we are heading for a crisis. We went through a couple of years of this which almost broke us, then he got better for a while and all was ok but it's been short lived.

That sounds so tough Longest. Is he getting any treatment for his mental health? I'd be pushing him to if he isn't.

Yes to be fair he is always at the doctor but they just run endless tests and send him on his way. He is on SSRIs. He has a referral to the ME specialists but it's not till June. . Not sure what else to suggest.

Longest. That sounds so mega tough on you. Does he know it has an impact on you? I remember a while ago you saying you just soldier on. He needs to know that it’s affecting you and dc too. I understand he has a mental health issue which is mega tough, but in order for you to stay strong, you need support too. Have you got any family around?

Frouby - absolutely Pmsl at your dh having an energetic shag, then suddenly being hit by a second wave of man flu and not being able to continue with his day!! That sums up men perfectly!! 😂😂

I found a photo of myself 18months ago, and 2 stone lighter. Made me open my eyes a bit!! I HAVE to loose weight now. I’ve lost all my confident. Always thinking dh is going to leave me!! Just don’t feel good enough for anything or anyone. I try so hard to get things right for everyone but there’s always something I haven’t done quite right. I end up run ragged. When I lost the weight last time, I felt so much more confident. I need to get back there. Only I can do it!!

Flossie, thank you, you're a love. I suppose he knows, it's not like I don't tell him when he is being an arse but I probably don't approach it in the right way and we end up in a fight and him wanting an apology for the way I have handled it, and I just tell him fuck off it doesn't really matter how I have handled it, the fact is I am pissed off and something needs to change. And we end up totally angry at each other. But then we somehow make up. Trouble is I do love the fucker and he loves me, so we fall into each others arms and cry and shag and say sorry and profess undying love and nothing bastard well changes.

I do have dsis who is brilliant though we tend to get together en famille. She's about 90 mins away but we actually work in the same office so have lunch and stuff, but it's always under time pressure. DM is a stress in herself and df died 15 years ago. To be honest though I find talking about it of limited help. I don't really like people feeling sorry for me, hence moaning at you lot under cover of relative anonymity. Thank you all.

Anyway, Yorkshire is lovely. Walked across a wild and windy moor in the sunshine, though car thermometer says 4 degrees. Admired Brontë graves and marvelled at their untimely demises, which suited my melancholy, and now driving past some brooding Victorian mills. Actually it was dd2's turn to be most annoying/whingy. Dd1 has an emerging sense of romance - she likes the star gazing and the nature and keeps quoting bits of her books, bless her. In fact even yesterday's sulk was something approaching existential angst, which I guess I can't begrudge her since she probably gets it from me. Heading to Northumberland now for bracing seaside walk. Good for the soul.

Flossie I totally hear you on the weight. I am massive ATM and really unfit. Really need to do something about it, I just can't really be arsed. But you're an angel and your DH is the luckiest man alive to have you. If he doesn't realise that he is a fool.

That sounds wonderfully Cathy and Heathcliffe Longest. I’m stuck at work, wishing I was on a windswept moor, and now have Kate Bush in my head.
I like the sound of your DD too. I was prone to a touch of existential angst as a young woman too. All moody and reading literature.
Now you’re off to Northumberland you’re heading for Dracula country.

I hear you too Flossie. I’m also 2stone heavier than 18 months ago, and feel crap about myself. I do feel I’m turning a corner with the hypno though.
I only want to be a size 12, I’d settle for 14 but I’m pushing 18 at the moment.

Existential angst is a fucker for sure! - Longest, that sounds hard, being the one who keeps it all going.

Frouby, pmsl at man flu being like a lingering death, ha ha ha.

I'm a fat fucker too, I have a family event coming up and will try to stay out of the photos as usual.

I am thinking that at least I have been AF 3 days this week and on Sunday I only had 2 glasses of wine so that's practically 4 days. OTOH I drank LOADS on the day I did drink (provoked by annoying children but still not excusable) so it's not really a win imo. Oh well, better than sinking 2 bottles on 7 nights or something I suppose. Marginally.

Also 2 st lighter about 2 years ago. Was doing SW at the time. I hate SW, its so commercial and fake and not even particularly healthy I don't think and I never get to my target weight.

But much as I hate it, the getting weighed every week definetly motivates me. I am considering rejoining after the Easter holidays. If I find an evening class I will also be AF that night as well. So win win really.

Not AF tonight. Off out with ds and dh. Dd has stood us up and doesn't want to come. Bit sad as a few months ago she would have loved coming to the pub and then for a meal. But she's growing up. DH even more sad than me about it, he can't believe she would rather stay in by herself than come out with us. But she is 14 and knows her own mind so am not forcing her.

Especially as another year and she can babysit ds while we go out 😂😂

you're an angel and your DH is the luckiest man alive to have you. If he doesn't realise that he is a fool Flossie, Longest is right. And what a lovely thing to say, Longest. I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. I did the whole 'keeping everything together for everyone' thing for many, many years. Sometimes I just wanted to cry and scream and say: what about me??? But the 'coper' never gets to do that. Thank God for MN for this kind of thing, really.

AF thus far 🌿🌯, but finding it really, really, REALLY hard as I have had an incredibly long and hard day, and it's not over yet, and I'm absolutely dying for a long, cold, delicious G&T.

NC4, I'm glad you're feeling a bit brighter today. Fingers crossed for tomorrow.

Frouby, pmsl several times over at coughed and farted and groaned dramatically that he was 'sick of this flu, it's like a lingering death' (pmsl again now, re-reading it ).

I hope you enjoy the pub and the Indian. I want to go out. I'm stuck at home on my own with nothing to drink, and a jacket potato for company. DP is out with his friends. DC are out with their friends. It's Friday. FML.

Come over here and watch Corrie with me Dion. My kids are away, and I’ve just fobbed off best friend I’ve fallen out with, because I can’t be arsed.
So it’s me and a couple of Estrellas. And my handsome cat of course.

Well it was about a gazillion miles but Northumberland is stunning. Sitting on beach feeling like my soul was at rest, though the rest of the family kept complaining about the cold, wimps.

Dion your evening sounds peaceful at least, though I am sorry you are lonely. Kids still not asleep and I am approaching tears again I am so done in. So much for relaxation. Still, can go back to lovely beach tomorrow. Just popped open second bottle between two. Doesn't bode massively well.

Evening! Hugs for everyone who's not having the best Friday night
I'm currently in a Haven holiday park, sipping my second wine - but been here since 5 and everyone else is pretty merry now so feeling ok with myself!
Hope everyone has a lovely weekend xx

Oh Longest. Hugs and for you. xx

I'd be up for Corrie, NC4. I am going to start talking to myself any minute now, just for something to do.

AF, though. I think that's one reason I'm so bored.

Have a lovely time, Doris!

No time to write a lot this evening.
Just wanted to say to Dion how fantastically you are doing with DP and DC absent. 💪🏻👍☕️my herbs arrived yesterday but Im still eating chocolate which want to stop!

Longest - that’s the kindest thing to say. Thanks so much. It actually made me cry!! Actually sob!! Have felt so sad today. Your words really consoled me. Thank you.
You’re going though so much shit, but you still care.

Frouby - I remember when ds decided not to come out with us. Was heart breaking. But like you say..when she’s old enough to babysit then win!!!!!

Dion - can’t believe you’re still dry!! Bloody incredible!! Well done you!!

NC4 - good for you for thinking of you tonight. Not your friend. Sometimes you just need to do that.

I had a major meltdown today with dh. Phoned him at work and told him I’d had enough of dealing with everyone’s shit. Taking on everyone’s woes, but no one being there for me. No one holding me up when I’ve wanted to crash. The one reason that leads me to drink!! I don’t think I’ve ever broken down like this. Out the blue. Dh didn’t know what to say or how to react. He tried getting arsey..so I hung up!!
God the amount of times I’ve wantws to hang up on shit that happens..but can’t!!

Flossie and [hugs]. Not surprising at all. You need looking after too. xx

Oh Flossie, this has been simmering a while. I’m not surprised you had a meltdown.
I really hope DH has taken it on board. You need more support than you get, and well... just a bit of kindness and looking after.

I’ve spent the last half hour willing the clock to 10.30 when the shop shuts so I can’t go for more booze. I’ve had my four small beers now. That’s my lot.

Bed time.

And thank you, Anglaise. I hope the herbs work for you!

Sadly dh hasn’t taken this on board. I told him today that I try and make everyone’s life a happy one, go out of my way to make others happy. All I want is respect back. For someone to think about my needs too.
So tonight.....I cook dinner. He sits on sofa and leaves me to clear it all up and clean kitchen up. He wants to watch golf despite me fancying watching tv. So I take laptop to bed to watch something. We always have cup of tea before bed. I’m led in bed, not out of choice, then get up out of bed to go and make us both a cup of tea. He happily takes it and carries on watching golf!!
Oh and I ask him what we should do this weekend. He replies ‘well id like to go for a bike ride (he goes for 4 hours), and a game of golf..just need to decide how I fit it in’!!!!
Why the fucking fuck do I bother even having a ducking meltdown!! He wouldn’t notice if I wasn’t here!! Oh yes..he’d become hungry and thirsty!!

Ahhh Flossie you poor love. Your dh is being a wankerbastard. He doesn't see the impact day to day of dds illness so thinks his life should just carry on as before. Probably be a bit easier as you are now at home all day, so in his head your life is easier.

He needs to learn how difficult and soul destroying it is so you fuck off out for the weekend and leave him to it. Or tell him for every hour he is out of the house you want the same.

Or just kick him in the bollocks. Twat.

My dh had to be educated when ds was a baby about how our life had changed. He sometimes forgets and needs reminding. I find a tantrum and a rant followed by a 'house meeting' settles him back down.

He hates house meetings. Says it's like getting told off at school. So even a suggestion of one gets him back in track.

Men are like horses. If you give an inch they take a mile. They need firm, consistent handling. Kindness mixed with a strong hand. Plenty of exercise, mental and physical or they start with vices. And if all else fails, I get my lunge whip out and work their arses hard for a few days.

If they don't respond to that you can always book the vet and have their nuts taken off.

Had a nice night last night. Wasn't really enjoying the beer though for some reason. Had a couple of cans, a couple of gins in the pub, then 1 tiger beer with my food. So feel all bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning.

Which is a good job as we are off to ikea for 10am. Dd is thinking of coming too. Dh wants to know if they sell lint rollers (wtf?). And ds wants to know of they sell lego.

I wanted to go, get the kallax and leave. Fml.

Flossie, I think it's time to get more direct. I am as guilty as you of letting things simmer until I explode, as I said yesterday, but I think you need to go on a form of strike you don't need to be pa about it - just "DH would you mind doing the dishes? I am done in". Or just sit down and say again that you are at the end of your tether and can you divvy up a rota. Though I sense it's not just about the chores, it's showing you he cares. That is harder, but I suppose you have to "train him a bit even if it doesn't feel natural at first

Very quickly, but importantly: yes, they do have lint rollers at your local Ikea, Frouby . My DC bought one last time we were there. Fuck knows why.

Fml.

It's no wonder I fucking drink.

Ikea. All 4 of us. Ds warned within an inch of his life to behave. Obviously he didn't, he was a horror. I was that fat, frumpy stressed out mum screeching like a banshee.

Didn't get the fucking kallax I went for. Wanted a 3 x 4. Came home with a 2 x 4. Because we couldn't find the white 3 x 4s. And ds was being an absolute fucking knobhead. And then when we did find them on the way out, he was jumping around on the trolley thing. So I said just lets leave.

Warned him 3 times he wouldn't be going to the nature reserve this afternoon if he didn't behave. Told him he wasn't going in middle of ikea. Now he's whining at dh who has completely undermined me again by saying if he behaves then yes.

So have walked out and left them to it.

Sick of ds behaviour spoiling weekends. In the week and when dh at work he's a good kid. Can take him anywhere, do anything. When dh around even a quick trip to Tesco is a fucking trauma.

Flossie, the wankerbastard, I agree, you could try being more direct. Or going on strike. 💐

Glad Northumberland was good longest

Wtf indeed on lint rollers 😂