Less booze. More AF days. But still a bit damp. Not dry jan, but not a soggy summer. Support thread for reducing alcohol.

[Frouby]

New thread in case the other fills up while I am busy this weekend.

Did I mention I get married tomorrow? 😁

Rubbish at clicky links but sure someone clever will be along to link the last thread.

This is a support thread for those wanting to reduce the amount you drink. There is no judgement on here. We are all struggling along with our own problems and lives and looking to cut down. You might only want a couple of weekends off. Or reduce the amount of days you drink. Or the amount you drink. Or both.

Whatever your starting point and whatever your goal come and join us for friendly chat and support.

*nit

Woosey and Hella, I'm with you too. Tesco low-alcohol G&T (0.1 units per can, so virtually none, and about 12 calories). I hate the way I am when I drink.

To my shame, DD told me she could smell alcohol when I went to say good night to her last week. I am mortified to be admitting this to anyone.

I need to do better this week, despite friends bearing wine.

3 g and ts here. Knew it would be wet. Sigh.

However dd drove me to the last one. We moved in this house 3.5 years ago. She had all new bedroom furniture. All decent, solid pine stuff. Now she wants her room redecorating and white furniture.

All the house needs redecorating. The downstairs is desperate. The bathroom is desperate. We need all sorts of bits and pieces from new sofa cushions to a chest freezer. Dhs car will need replacing at some point this year. We havent booked a holiday because we are still paying the wedding off. We arent skint but having a steady year financially.

Plus I am working 30 to 40 hours a week. Dh about 50 hours with travel time. We have ponies and the allotment.

So basically a bit cash and time poor.

As a compromise to new furniture I suggested swapping with ds. Ds is 4. His furniture is white with pine tops. Probably slightly better quality as it was a bargain from the Mothercare outlet but 1/4 of the price of dds.

She wants to do that. But instead of keeping schtum about she has told ds she is having his furniture so now he is getting upset. I would have just swapped it while he was at school and gone 'dada new furniture'.

So after upsetting him she has come downstairs while I am doing mine and dhs tea (after sloping off and not washing hers and ds plates like I asked) showing me wallpaper she fancies.

I don't like wallpaper. It's a new build house with immaculate plastered walls. She wants pink sparkly wallpaper (at £30 a roll!) . Which I will have to strip off in 4 years if she goes to uni as ds will have the bigger room then.

So I snapped to stop going on about her bedroom when we have so much else that is a bigger priority than 1 room 1 person uses especially when that person can't even be bothered to do a little job for me when asked.

Aaarrrrrgggggghhhhhh. Bloody selfish teenagers.

Oh frouby, teenagers need to be sent away to a desert island and brought back to their loving parents when they come out the other side!! I empathise.

I’m so pissed off with myself. Not sure if I’m just setting myself up for failure.
So brief explanation to my shitty life right now, without outing myself!! So my youngest dd has major life threatening condition. Her throat randomly closes up and we don’t know why. It’s crap. It’s sudden and happens a couple times a week. I fee desperate inside but have to stay brave for her. She currently can’t be at school as it’s considered unsafe. So she’s home with me 24/7. I don’t feel in control.
So I’m desperate to gain control of ME!! I want to reign the alcohol in. I have every intention but then fail epic style as soon as dd has gone to bed. Kind of drown my sorrows. No excuse I know but I do. Have a massive meeting about her tomorrow that I’m dreading. Just want things to be normal and for her to be well.
I’ve even considered going to gp and saying I drink too much!! But then when I’ve mentioned it to people they say they see why I do!!

Anyway.....you all know I’d planned af tonight. Anyway..dd went to bed. I was cooking for Dh and I and just broke down in tears. Dh poured me a sodding glass of wine!! There was just over a third of a bottle in the fridge. I’ve drunk it. There’s no more in there and I’m not going to the garage to get more!!!!!!! I soooo want it but I’m NOT!!!!!!!

Fml!! I’ve failed again!!

I failed too last night. Not even sure why, At least you had a reason woosey. I was quite happy but I think I wasn’t hungry for my evening meal early (that helps keep me on the straight and narrow) so I just thought I’d have one glass of wine instead - it went from there! But... Tuesday is the new Monday. Start again. Day 1. Come on - we can do it!

Frouby, my 14 yo DD would do exactly the same. Because even though we currently have no functional bathroom, it's ALL ABOUT HER.

Woosey, I am so, so sorry to hear about your DD. If I could wave a magic moderation wand, I would wave it over you. FWIW, I did go to the GP to say I was drinking too much. It didn't really have any effect, other than I didn't tell the truth when he rang to ask how I was getting on. But you really, really haven't failed.

Actually, we're all in this together....

Oh Woosey
I'm so sorry for you and your DD. But you are right, you would cope better if you could drink less. If I were you I'd go to your GP and tell the truth about how much you are drinking and why . He/She could suggest some support in the local area. I started off by confiding in my GP, he was very helpful and my kick start was actually a few sessions of hypnotherapy. Not sure if that worked in itself, but it certainly helped in other ways and gave me a kick start to really reduce alcohol. I know you don't do FB but the Club Soda website is good, it isn't only for giving up completely but also for moderation.
joinclubsoda.co.uk/
There are good tips there. Stay strong and if you could just manage 4 days in the week one week, you will find it easier to continue like that after. The cravings go away. Get rid of all alcohol in the house and try! I wish I could be more help, it must be so difficult for you.

Anglaise, your posts are so full of wisdom. Interesting that you mention hypnotherapy, as I was wondering about that yesterday...

So sorry to hear about your dds health issues Woosey. I hope the appointment goes well and you get some answers and a plan going forward. I can't imagine the worry you must have. My dniece has epilepsy and pre diagnosis it was horrendous as she would have seizures and end up on life support. Usually due to a reaction to the recovery drug they were using. It's controlled pretty well now with medication but it's still a massive worry.

Dd is generally a good kid. The problem we have atm is we live in a pretty mixed area. We have a HA property in the edge of a new build housing estate. Which is very naice. The school has a massive catchment area including all of our naice estate and some very naice villages further out.

Dds friendship group mainly consists of girls from either the naice, pretty, expensive villages or girls from the posh new build estate we are on the edge of. So she goes to these houses for tea and sleepovers etc and comes home wanting our house, or actually her bedroom, to be as posh as those houses.

We have a perfectly lovely house. Most furniture was new when we moved in 3.5 years ago. I spent a lot on her bed and mattress and she has solid pine wardrobe, chest of drawers and book case. She does need a new desk but other than that there is nothing wrong with her room. Apart from the make up on the carpet that won't come out.

Not sure what I will do. Have looked at Ikea and can get new white furniture for about £350. But really don't want to replace perfectly good furniture with something that will probably be lesser quality based on dd wanting to keep up with her friends.

She has a decent sized room, all the gadgets and gizmos she wants. Decent curtains and bed sets. She doesn't have to share. She doesn't even keep it clean and tidy which is frustrating.

Ds will swap but am not sure his furniture is appropriate for a teenager. It is nursery furniture. I could buy new for her. Or I could paint her existing stuff. Not sure yet.

Have a meeting at DS new school later ready for his inset days in june. He is ridiculously excited about going. But my bloody tooth veneer has just pinged off. Fml. I look like a meth head. Have got an emergency appointment at dentist tomorrow but look a right bloody mess.

Have to go to the meeting. I will be mostly speaking with a cats bum mouth and not smiling 😁. Have to communicate in emojis I think.

According to google I could use fixodent to temporarily fix it. But knowing my luck it will come off and I will either swallow it or sneeze and shoot it out and take someones eye out.

I also need to get off my arse and do some bloody housework.

Dionysa I had 4 or 5 sessions, it was Ericksonian hypnosis where you aren't completely asleep, but in a totally relaxed state (I think it is the most common hypnotherapy, not like the shows where the hypnotists put you to sleep completely and get you to do stupid things). I enjoyed the sessions and found the whole experience interesting and useful. It helps you find other things to make you feel secure when anxious instead of reaching for the bottle opener. And of course you go over the past and look at where you want to be in the future. It was my GP who recommended it, if you have the opportunity it is definitely worthwhile exploring. Another advantage is that I can put myself to sleep now when in bed by the same breathing techniques. There are a few hypnosis podcasts available too, some specifically alcohol related which also work, for example Alisa Franck - Take control of alcohol. I preferred the sessions with a hypotherapist but the podcasts are good too.

Past the danger zone for me!! 1 down. Whoop whoop

Well done, Actually. I am a hopeless case today, due to lunchtime friend who came with wine.

Ah well.

Frouby, you do make me laugh - but you could be writing my posts for me. Slightly different, in that we are in the independent sector (school-wise), but still hear endless shit about how so-and-so has this-that-and-the-other. We last went on holiday 7 years ago (camping in Devon - though XH stropped off, so it was hardly a family holiday), so we are not in the same league (I, obviously, appreciate the fact that we can between us continue to spend money on the DC's schools, on the grounds that we started it when they were tiny and can't really make them change schools now, when they have been through a monstrous divorce). I have just applied, again, for a bursary for my proportion and included photographic evidence to give them a laugh. I bet nobody in the bursary department is peeing in a bucket. I did buy DD some new furniture when we moved out of our rented house, but this is of course now nowhere near good enough. As for the one who's coming home at the weekend - he has made various demands about new furniture, decoration etc. Um, no, matey.

Anglaise, thank you for the info. I will investigate anything at all that might help.

PS Frouby, my DD's room is a decent size, too (not huge, but not tiny - unlike the boys). I did re-carpet it when we moved in, as the old carpet had been there for about 100 years and was soaked in cat wee. Needless to say, it is now soaked in make-up and fake tan. She is at her Dad's tonight, and has texted me instructions to hoover it for her. I am, needless to say, going to say she can hoover it herself tomorrow afternoon. Cue eye-rolling, huffing, stomping, I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING, NOBODY ELSE HAS TO DO THIS STUFF. Etc. Etc.

PPS As there is only one loo in the house and I still suffer from damage following the birth from Hell with DC1, I am sometimes peeing in a plastic spag bol container in the kitchen (I keep a special one for this purpose, lest the MN hygiene police descend on me). A bucket would be a luxury by comparison, but the bathroom has co-opted that. I have not told the bursary department this.

Pmsl Dion. I feel positively posh with an upstairs bathroom and a downstairs loo.

We have compromised on painting existing furniture grey. Not my choice but if it shuts her up and doesn't cost 100s of quid and avoids flatpack hell am winning. DH might possibly have a few days off next week between 1 job ending and 1 starting so he can crack on and do it. If he isn't off I will do it.

She is currently dejunking her room. Many black bags have gone upstairs. Last time she dejunked she gave my favourite hpodie away to the girl next door. Would have objected but girl came down wearing it looking pleased. Ffs.

Not dry. Not soaking wet but not dry.

Frouby, I am soaking wet, but not needing to pee in a spag bol container as the DC have gone to see their thundercunt father. I am in awe of your two loos.

Loving the black bag scenario, too. I am more than familiar with this one. Along with the giving away of stuff bought by Granny that could have been sold on eBay

Frouby and Dion - I feel your pain. As I said before, teens should be shipped off to a desert island and returned when they come out the other side!! We are all vile selfish parents who hate their kids and want the worst for them......apparently!! Ffs!! Ds is 21 and just spends his life when back from
Uni getting pissed and then being an arse with a hangover the following day (no idea who he gets it from Pmsl). Dd1 is 12 going on 22.....everything is major in her life!! And if there’s no chocolate in the fridge then we may as well jump off the nearest cliff!! Ffs
Dd2 is 9 and still in ‘nice mode’.

Well after The shittest meeting in shit land, I’m very wet indeed. Polished off a nice bottle of Sauvignon bought on my hols. Feel mellow and lovely and can honestly say right now.....fml!!

Dionysa, don't be too hard on yourself about the kiddo. You already know that you want to set a good example and not get too far gone, and are taking steps to avoid it. She needn't remind you. Kids often know just which buttons to push.

Frouby have you considered talking to dd about painting the furniture together? You could get creative, not just white, but perhaps vines, flowers, etc. She may see that it doesn't have to be the new things her friends have. It can be even better. At the very least she may look back on it fondly.

Woosey, regarding Monday, having a few glasses and then stopping yourself when more is available is not a failure in my book. Yes, it isn't what you planned, but it is still a big step from f-it, I'll drink what I want. (P.S. Even if you caved after that post, I still think your enthusiasm and commitment is to be commended, in the long haul. For some of us the smallest baby steps need encouraging.)

Speaking of baby steps, I kept with my 10 o' clock pumpkin hour last night. I was not sleepy and wanted another drink, but I went to bed anyway. Grrr. On top of that I was af on Sunday, which is practically unheard of for a weekend. Wasn't even hungover from Saturday. Before anyone busts out the accolades I should admit that it's currently 12:30 and I'm drinking a semi-warm beer, despite having to drive dh to work an hour and a half earlier than I'd usually have to get up, because our other car won't start for no damn good reason.
Sigh.

And Anglaise, congratulations! You look radiant. Please tell me number one didn't run in those sandals. In addition to worrying about her plantar tendon, I'll feel too pathetic about my measly little bike rides around the neighborhood (no runs as of yet.)

Another day another soft drink 😂. Thanks for the well done yesterday Dion - made me feel proud - sad I know. Anyway 2 today - last weeks 4 really really made me feel better. I really wanted 5 this week but since day 4 and 5 are Friday and Saturday I’m not sure I have it in me. I’ll try tho. It shouldn’t be so hard should it....

I’m
Already telling myself do af. Come on you can do this woosey. But then the devil in me says of f-it!! Stick that Pinot from the garage in the fridge ready for tonight!!!!

Don’t do it woosey- it’s 1 day and 1 bottle - it will still be there on Saturday - only if you don’t open it now you’ll feel lighter and clearer. I promise.

Woosey if you can go AF for a period of time then you will feel better, not just from the absence of alcohol in your body, but by achieving something quite difficult to do. Think of it as a challenge! Have you ever seen this TED talk by Matt Cutts? It is quite good, try something new for 30 days. Its only 3 mins long to watch, so less time than it takes to go and get a bottle of pinot from the garage
www.ted.com/talks/matt_cutts_try_something_new_for_30_days
You will also look better, feel less tired and anxious and probably lose a few pounds. What's not to like?

Anglaise - I’m struggleing right now and have just watched the ted talk you mentioned, it’s very good as was the next one along about keeping goals to yourself otherwise you feel so proud of yourself you celebrate. I’m going to have a shower then watch some more. You talked about challenging yourself and my challenge to me is to end June with more dry than wet days (on my calendar I get a firework for dry and a toxic sign for wet so hoping to see lots of fireworks, we’ll at least 16) I’ve not managed this before, well once but that ended badly so I’d really really love to....but for some reason I just can’t focus and just bloody well do it. I could cry. I have cried. I do cry. Keep the motivational comments coming, sure they are helping more people that actually post. I think what helps me most is telling myself this isn’t forever, wine will still be in the fridge when I open it in a few days. Maybe that’s actually not helpful. Don’t know.

Woosey, I think it would be beyond impossible to be AF after the shittest of all shit meetings. . And if you find the Teenage Desert Island, let me know.

Actually, it shouldn't be this hard. But it is. Urgh. I have to be AF tonight (Night One Yet A Bloody Gain), as last night was so wet.

Anglaise, I'm going to watch the Ted talks later on. Thanks for the link.