To not want to take 2yr old in?

[MrsRyanGosling15]

Long story short and will change a few bits but here goes. Have a 2yr old half sibling. 1 parent dead and 1 parent with realistically not long left. Both parents had addiction issues. I have spent my life going above and beyond for the parent that myself and sibling have in common. Lots of help with addiction and serious mental health issues. I have another sibling my age with 1 dc I have 4. It seems to be assumed that myself and DH will take her in.

I know we would offer her a better home, we have a 6 bed place. I'm always there for school runs etc. I feel we have a more stable family life to offer. But this is what makes me feel so bad AIBU in the fact that I just don't want to? I have 4 and that is tough and financially a stretch. My kids would never have a holiday again. Think of all the school uniforms, birthdays, dance classes, school dinners not to mention the fact this little one may have fetal alcohol syndrome and all the unknown issues that come with it.
Deep down I know I'm not too good with kids. I love my own and I love this one as a sibling but if I'm being honest I love my own kids more and dont want them to miss out. To admit that has me so upset and makes me feel horrible guilt that I am a terrible person but it's true. I think if my other sibling took her in it would end her marriage as her DH wouldn't support it whereas my DH loves her like one of his own.
How do I look her in the face as an adult and tell her I just didn't want to have her?
Also I think the anger I still feel for the dead parent is still affecting me. I can honestly say I hate her even though she is gone. I predicted this whole situation before she died and the fact I couldn't stand her when she was alive makes me feel like I shouldn't have to sort out her mess she has left by dying when it was all her fault (overdose)
So I do t know what I'm asking? AIBU this horrible selfish person I think I am? Can u take a child in and sacrifice things, not just money but time etc with your own? What should I do? And please be nice, this has been a year from hell that has had me at the brink and i dont think I can take 1 more kicking. I just want to be a good dsis and a good DM but I don't think I know how.

Special needs children wait longer to be adopted. Adopters often don't want, or find they cant cope with family contact. Once she is in care you have no rights, you don't have pr.
Bereaved children usually grieve in the family with remaining relatives where they can express themselves to someone who knows the lost person and make sense of it. Help is available.
You can be kinship carers, guardians or joined to care proceedings
Think a session with a solicitor or family rights group may help.

You are clearly doing your best in a hard, hard situation that was not of your making.

@MrsRyanGosling15 good luck with all these terribly hard things happening. As difficult as it all is you have done your best and also this situation is not of your making.

I am not sure but are you having any counselling? You will need to let go of your dad, emotionally.

Hopefully, this will all be best for your sister. I wish you a sense of peace in all this.

You feel relieved, that is right. Do not allow yourself any guilt. This situation could have broken your family apart. It did not. You are strong. You will need to be for your kids too.

I really hope this little one finds a loving home and retains her link to your family

I am an adopter. My son is sitting next to me on the bed as I type. I've met adopters who cope with all manner of things. Like birth patents do. There are good adopters out there.

italiangrayhound you give me hope. And yes, a sense of peace for everyone sounds like the best feeling ever right now. So far away, but I have faith it will come in time.

How are you doing op?

@MrsRyanGosling15

I suddenly thought of this thread today - how's it going, OP?

I hadn't seen this thread before today. What a horrible situation. Hope all is ok OP.

I keep checking back here, I posted under another name.

I hope things are working out OP

Posted too soon!

MrsRyanGosling15 is there any update?