Annual updates 2013 - How's your year been?

[Lilka]

Hi everyone! It's the end of 2013, and that makes it time for my 4th annual updates thread! I started it after seeing the many updates threads on chat etc, because the adoption process and adoptive parenting can be so far removed from the 'standard' experience of becoming and being a parent, that really we should have our own annual updates thread where everyone 'gets it'. Also, we're all just too special to share everyone else's updates thread

Our previous threads, if you want to look back at what you said last year and the year before! are here: 2010 and 2011 and www.mumsnet.com/Talk/adoptions/1646934-End-of-the-year-updates-2012-Hows-yours-been

Everyone who wants to, please join in, including all you never-posting lurkers! Whether you're right at the beginning of the process or have been an adoptive parent for decades already, and tell us how your year has been

My update (eta: sorry for length!)

Looking back at previous years, I can't say that this year has been as good overall. It's been a very very difficult year overall, much more so than our last few.

Having said that, I have to start with the best news, we were all blessed at the end of August by the arrival of DD1's second daughter, a gorgeous 8lb beauty We love her to bits of course and it's hard to believe she's already 4 months old!

DGD number 1 will be 20 months old on the 1st January! She's adorable, stubborn, yells for England and now she's starting to climb the stairs too. It's not good Can't believe how old she is either, soon she'll be as old as DS was when he came home Everything up till now has been very new to me since I've never parented a baby, soon I might actually start to know what I'm doing when babysitting

Sorry, my every yearly update from here on out will be 'I can't believe how big they are now, it's not right!"

Speaking of babies, I looked back at my first update thread and last attempt to conceive at the very start of 2011, and in light of how this year has been, I'm honestly now pleased it didn't work, even though I was so sad at the time. Coping with a 1/2 year old alongside everything that's happened would have been extremely difficult. But I said a final good bye to a newborn baby a while ago now and I get so much happiness from caring for my grandbabies, it's okay, in a ever so slightly wistful way sometimes. I'm also very glad that a year ago I told myself then that I would wait several years before thinking about adoption again. It was on the cards then, but it isn't now for many months/several years, see how things go with my current two younger children.

This year's been made very hard by DD2's reunion with her birth mum, which has been very very difficult and had a big impact on our family. Mental health issues and emotional issues all reared their heads in a big way, and in June DD had to be admitted to hospital briefly. She is however doing well now on an increased dose of medication. She will be 18 in March which is unbelievable. I am going week by week with her, managing her behaviour and issues, trying to develop some of her skills so she can move slowly towards more independent living. Right now, she's doing okay at college which is great Also, she's managing more little tasks on her own than ever - baking, cleaning etc

DS is doing well at school! He loves his neices so much, and he loves "helping out" with them (!) as well as helping me out. I'm very proud of him and howw well he's dealt with DD's unsettling reunion. He did decide to cut off all the letters to his birth mum and that made him feel much more secure I think. My 'swar jar' actually worked and his language is so much better now. He's still an absolute high energy ball of joy

He says DD1 must have a boy next!!! He feels pretty outnumbered by girls now! Luckily he gets on very well with his brother-in-law though, it's fun watching them play around together

He has made some New Years Resolutions I haven't haha! However one of the resolutions is currently 'I want a new nephew this year', so I have to crush his hopes and tell him that that can't be one of his resolutions and it won't happen this year because 3 babies in 3 years is not DD1 and SIL's plan.

Sadly one of our Gerbils passed away and DS was ever so upset So now we have 2. I personally want to have another cat - it's been many years since my Carmen passed away and I miss being a crazy cat owner

We have had a tough year, with just too many financial environmental and medical challenges. I have to say that as a result of lots of crap going on in out lives, I'm feeling exhausted both physically eand emotionally.
Single parenthood is hard enough, but throw adoption and several lofe challenges all at once into the mix and its the hardest thing I've ever done.

All of that said, my darling girl continues to defy the expected outcomes that were presented to us before she came home. She is developing beautifully, envolving into such a kind, thoughtful and unique little girl.
Every single day, she makes me smile and makes me so proud to be her Mum.

I just hope and pray that 2014 is an easier year for us both.

Happy New Year to you all :)

Ours started out dreadful... we were told we wouldn't be considered to adopt our beautiful Foster Child... we fought and won...

We were approved at matching panel in October and submitted our application to the courts immediately. The first hearing is next week.

So... its ended up absolutely brilliant...

This forum has been invaluable to me, although I understand our situation is very different from most of yours... I take my hat off to you all....

Bless you all and wishing you all an easier time and joyful new year... x

This time last year I was about to move into this house, to have more room for the children I at that stage felt like I was never going to be matched with! It seems like a lifetime ago. DD and DS have been home 3 1/2 months, and having moved so I had enough bedrooms for sibs not to have to share, I then got matched with sibs who were sharing a bedroom, and now we all sleep in my bed anyway so in fact I could have saved a lot of time money and hassle cos we only use one bedroom . This year has been lifechanging. It's mindblowing to think that a year ago we didn't know each other existed, and now we are a family

Thanks for posting everyone, lovely hearing about new families

All the best to everyone starting the process! May 2014 be a year of BFY's (that's 'big fat yes's!) for you all, from panel and children's social workers

I hope 2014 is a good year for us all, I hope I can look back this time next year and say 'well, this year was certainly better than the last one!"

Happy New YEar everyone

I love the round up threads! (Not least because I lose track of which stage everyone is at etc etc )

2013 has been a year of consolidation for us. DD continues to thrive and develop into a scarily articulate and independent little girl (sometimes too much). Her stubbornness will see her go far provided she channels it into something more productive than whittling down her preferred food list even further. We have now identified the key to avoiding tantrums is to make sure DD is eating and drinking almost constantly. We are gearing ourselves up to see the GP about this in 2014, but for now we are grateful for the respite. School starts in Septmber for DD and can't come quick enough for her - though it is a very different experience for us to apply for a place knowing that she will almost certainly get into wherever we choose (unlike the nail biting experience with DS's place).

DS continues to be a brilliant big brother and we are pleased that the general love fest occasionally turns into proper sibling scrapping. They still share a room but have both recently asked to have separate baths. DS is nearly as tall as me and is still only interested in sports and (very recently) Greek mythology.

We have had only a very short letter from DD's birth mother, nothing from her birth father or half sibling (who is in foster care). DD gets very upset talking about her birth family or foster carers so we haven't followed this lack of letterbox contact up with the LA though we should if if doesn't pick up again in 2014.

Our two ancient cats continue to enjoy their ninth lives

Happy New Year everyone

Happy New Year to you all. Sorry, I'm a bit late to theparty!
Looking back.over 2013 it has been a rollercoaster of a year.

Dd1 is having a lot of teenage angst, trying to find ner place in the world and feeli g very hard done by that she no longer has a birth mum she can keep on the pedestal. Lots of tears a d talking there.

Dd2 is doing remarkably well at school, I am so pleased with her progress. All she needs to do know is get a little quicker in the mornings!

Dd3 keeps us on our toes, I realised over the christmas holidays how very demanding of attention she still.is, which is very draining. We have an app with the ed phsyc soon at school, so hopefully she will.be able to help.

Wishing everyone a peaceful 2014

Great to hear from you both

I hope this year is good to you

Hello everyone,
Best thread of the year, I love to hear how everyone's doing.

We've had a tricky year, Ds has just turned two and was home a year in October. The initial honeymoon period was great and I think I made a slight mistake in telling all and sundry that he was adopted. By that I mean if someone stopped us on the street about the weather I blurted it out from a mixture of pride in him and eagerness to be "open".

I now keep it more selective because to very few odd comments I got were really rage making and it's not my info to tell.

Health wise he's been a bit up and down and I've really struggled with the unknowns with that. I think I was trying to make life perfect for him immediately and that can't happen. Again a bit of anger was involved because it wasn't fair for my poor boy to be ill.

I've struggle much more than I expected in the last few months, my sister has found it hard and we've had to agree not to talk about her feelings for him for a little while. No one else would notice that she feels I did/do. Again with me wanting it to be fixed immediately. I think some of dh's family aren't totally there yet either but I've left that to one side in the "deal with if I have" to box.

Bringing Ds home was one of the best things to happen to us as a family and I love the bones of him. I'll never understand how I got so lucky to have him and dd. I've even caught myself thinking dh isn't so bad so on balance a good year.

and to update... DS is walking down to the shop on his own after school for the first time. And breaaaaathe... and lie down in darkened room....

Juno - have the read any of the comments on the other threads about adoption diarrhea?! We nearly all been there and done that! Live and learn.

And yes I understand about the anger and sadness at not being able to make things perfect for them. On the other hand with hindsight it really was a sign that I was well attached to him rather than just feeling responsible.

I remember one teeth grinding conversation with people at school about how adoption is so much easier and all I could think was "But my lovely boy has a gaping hole in his life that I can never fix. A whole year of nothing that we will ever be able to fill for him".

I have Kew, too late but they were what gave me "permission" to shut the fuck up.

You saying just now about being attached means wanting perfection is so so true but I never thought of it that way, thought I wash't coping. This is why these threads are so great, you've really cheered me up about it.

Hope Ds is getting you something nice in the shops to enjoy when he gets safely and promptly home.