End of the year updates 2012 - How's yours been?

(18 Posts)
Lilka Sun 30-Dec-12 13:06:58

It's my annual updates thread mark 3! Because the adoption experience we have is very different to the experiences other parents have and I'm a nosy person , we have our own end of the year updates thread now

Everyone who wants to, give an update on how your year went. All welcome from people just starting the process to people who finished it years ago smile

My year:

My biggest news of the year was DGD's debut in May. She's now a big nearly 8 month old who brightens everyone's lives and she's the apple of my eye. I am wrapped round her little finger and I think she knows it grin

DD1 is a wonderful mother. She's had a great year and I couldn't be prouder. Can't believe this is the same girl who came home over 16 years ago, really I can't smile She still gets on well with all her other brothers and sisters, and I'm looking forward to meeting them all again tomorrow. She is certain she wants more children (and husband agrees fortunately!)

DD2 had a good year overall. Up points, down points, easier months, and very hard ones. I was delighted when she got her GCSE results and she is now happy with them as well. Shows how far she's come, from the girl who couldn't spell her (short) name at 10, to the girl who got an F in English 6 years later. She'll always have some level of LD's, but goodness she shows how much untreated emotional issues can hamper learning and how much treating them can make a difference. She's now at college doing a vocational course and she enjoys it, though it wasn't an easy transition and she needs lots of home help and input to manage. Very proud of her smile This year was the one where I could officially say she has spent half of her life with me!

And DS is doing fantastic. He's a joy to parent grin He's a very proud uncle to DGD, he's above average in school, and though he has his insecurities it doesn't impact on our daily life much

His greatest wish is now to have a little brother or sister shock We'll see, it's very much on the cards although it will be a slow process and I won't be starting just yet

Moomoomie Sun 30-Dec-12 17:14:54

What a positive year you have had , Lilka. Lovely to hear. One can tell how proud you are of your children through the words you write.

Our year has had its ups and downs, but mostly a positive year.
Dd1 has enjoyed a good year at school with many new friends and interests. She learnt a great lesson about friendship earlier on in the year, when she had a big falling out with a friend.
Dd2 made the transition to High School a lot better than I feared, she has a great bunch of friends who really do look out for her.
Dd3 is still a whirlwind at home and school but having a diagnosis for her and dd2 has made things a lot easier and I think school are coping with her better and making more allowances.
I wish all those on the adoption thread a very happy new year. Let's hope 2013 is a good year for all.

HappySunflower Sun 30-Dec-12 17:42:45

I've had a great year.....in the first few months I was both approved and then matched and have never been happier since my wonderful little girl came home. smile

I now have a few months more at home with her before I start my phased return to work.

funnychic Sun 30-Dec-12 19:14:55

I completed homestudy and was approved to adopt at the end of July, I am now matched and my dd will be coming home end of January. I found the whole process very long but not quite as intrusive as I thought. I have felt very up and down during the whole process and still do as I sit here and wait for her but I am hoping that any day soon my fear will be overtaken by excitement!!!
I would do a smiley face if only I knew how!

Happiestinwellybobs Sun 30-Dec-12 21:17:19

We got a phone call in January 2012 asking whether we would consider a little girl who was 8mo (at the time). We then met our beautiful DD in March and brought her home just over a week later. From then a whirlwind of fun, highs, lows, love and joy. I pinched myself all Christmas that we finally were complete as a family.

Maryz Sun 30-Dec-12 21:30:38

Aw, these are all lovely. Thanks, Lilka, for starting the thread, and congrats again on your dgd. Isn't it lovely to think that the mothering you gave her (despite her difficult start) is enabling her to mother her own children? It makes it all so worthwhile.

Happy and Happiest - great names, to show how you have had good years grin. Funny, next year is your year, next Christmas you will be worrying about Father Christmas and whether you have enough presents like the rest of us.

Things are (relatively) calm here too. ds is still (just) hanging on in college, but I'm desperately crossing my fingers he will go back in January. He doesn't do change, and the holidays have broken the routine he was in.

dd is well and stroppy happy, working hard. She has only 18 months of school left - where does the time go?

ds2 has just been diagnosed with ADHD and started on ritalin yesterday [wibble]. Time will tell how he does - but he sat in the psych office last week and told them that I was a wonderful mother, that I really helped him, that if he had other parents he would be struggling more etc shock. I was gobsmacked. But I feel that if he knows we are on his side he will be ok.

I hope diagnoses will help your dds too, Moomoonie - it is interesting talking to ds2 as he can express how difficult he finds things sometimes, which ds could never do. ds1 was always too angry with life to try to accept help and find solutions sad.

Devora Sun 30-Dec-12 21:42:19

These are lovely to read smile. (Funnychic, you do a smiley emoticon by typing the word smile within square brackets.)

I had a good year, overall. Started a very demanding new FT job in the spring which has been tough to balance with the children but is hugely interesting (and, of course, keeps bread on the table). dp had a book published, meaning lots of extra commitments including international trips, which was even harder to manage in the family.

dd1 is flourishing at school, and is becoming such a sweet, loving, compassionate big sister. But she's in a horrid friendship situation with a queen bee, and we're having lots of tears and self-hatred. I feel so furious and impotent sad

dd2 is so cute and clever and funny - I love watching her personality developing (and it's a big one). I love watching her and her sister dance gangnam style all round the front room, or her portraits of the family which all look like evil beans with hair. But she is still very clingy and demanding - just won't be put down for a second - and I find that very hard sometimes, not least with the pressures of my job. I feel guilty and I get angry. I love my kids to bits, but I also shout at them. And I feel absolutely terrible about that sad.

My main worry, though, continues to be our supremely neurotic cat. When she enters the room, a miasma of misery kind of shimmers out of her. She almost shivers with horror, and is only comforted by sitting right next to me. At all times. As I type she is sleeping by my shoulder, with one paw curled tightly round my neck.

Maryz Sun 30-Dec-12 21:48:18

Your cat obviously has attachment issues Devora sad

Devora Sun 30-Dec-12 21:52:08

She had a very bad start in life, Maryz. Her sister was similarly afflicted, and finally ended her suffering by chucking herself under a car last year.

If cats could get PTSD (maybe they can) I'd swear my one had it. Of course, she could just be one of those personalities who makes heavy weather of their suffering...

Maryz Sun 30-Dec-12 21:53:56

[arf]

Thank goodness we don't have to psychoanalyse our cats. Mine are both distinctly loopy.

I am not yet an adopter but hope I can jump in here!

This was the year we had our final cycle of IVF after about 6 years and bid a sad/fond farewell to trying to get me up the duff again!

Our DD had been having some problems with behaviour, and I had some problems knowing how to deal with that behaviour! Her behaviour was quite up and down and amazingly this year things took a very good turn for the better. It was primarily that I suddenly understood her better, and changed how I behaved, modelling a better way for her to deal with her emotions. I could say it might be she is older now and able to understand things better and it might be that finding out she is probably dyslexic has helped us to work out how much pressure she felt under at school (although she was always very well behaved at school). But really I think my behaviour changed and I understood her better. It has really shown me the power we as parents can have, even in difficult situations, to change things for the better. I did a fair bit of reading (looking for help) and praying for things to be better! I hope I will be able to go on to learn a lot more.

DH and I attended an open day for adoption and made the decision to put ourselves forward for adoption. We had a meeting with our new (lovely) social worker.

So we go into the new year all geared up for the process and feeling much more aware of what it will all mean (I hope) and with some lovely new friends on line who have been so very helpful. wink

2012 has been a great year for us. We came home with our dd on Christmas Eve and she's settled brilliantly, better than we could have hoped for. She's bang on target for a child her age in all things apart from speech. She loves Peppa Pig and we are THRILLED that she will now sit down and watch tv - never thought I'd say that about my child but she's SOOOO busy, it's great to get five minutes to breathe while she watches Peppa.

My ds is in his last year of primary school and fingers crossed will get a place in the secondary school we want him to go to. If you'd told me 5 years ago that we'd be sending ds to a private school, I'd have laughed at you but principles go out the window when it's my child in question! All his friends from primary school will be going there.

The only blot on our otherwise great year was the death of my lovely aunt/godmother who died in March. She was a great age (85) and had been going downhill since last October. I'm so glad she lived to see dd come home. She was very religious and after she died, her rosary group told us they'd been praying for us at every step of our journey. I'm not religious but I was so glad to hear that they'd been praying for us.

Lilka Tue 01-Jan-13 01:32:23

Happy new Year grin

So lovely reading everyone's updates smile Btw is Kew around anywhere, haven't seen her lately?

Should add to mine that this year was also the year I added 3 new small furry rodents to the family. They're gorgeous, but god, Houdini has nothing on this lot shock I refuse to spend much more time crouching near the kitchen cabinets with sunflower seeds and a cereal box going 'here, gerby gerby gerbyyyys'!!!

Lovely tradition everyone.
Ds is home 3.5 months now and has settled completely. He's a totally different boy than the one who arrived, soooo much noisier and more mischievous. He sleeps much better and has lost all his nerves. He was very twitchy when he came, easily startled but never crying. Now he's a calmer, cuddly ball of love. Who has learnt the art of a good bawl.

Dd is quite protective of him and when not giving out to him about biting her toys they will play happily for short bursts.

I did have a few times of worry, that gut wrenching fear that we'd made a mistake and wouldn't love him like dd, but that was bollox thank God and can honestly say we truly do. Also found his foster mother visiting stressful in anticipation, was worried he'd be upset and want her to stay. It all turned out grand but I love a good worry.

One thing I will say is I had no idea how much harder two was going to be, dh has just this moment found a little bit of sick in the cabinet so perhaps the housework has suffered a tad. I've actually found myself thinking fondly of work if that can be believed.

Otherwise it's been a middling year with family having chemo and other dramas but hopefully we're over those bumps now. Just want to get the court business out of the way done, paperwork in this month I hope.

Maryz Tue 01-Jan-13 23:28:07

Gerbils shock? You didn't get gerbils?

We looked after a friend's gerbils while she went on holidays many years ago. She went for two weeks; by the end of it, they had eaten ds1's curtains, had babies shock and put my children off small furry animals for life [success].

Two is tough, juno. Two is even tougher when you have the adopted/birth child worry, and the worry about what other people think hmm to add to normal worries.

I'm glad things are settling down. I'm sure you had a manic Christmas.

Sorry about the chemo - hopefully whoever it is will be ok.

That final hearing when they sign the papers is great - you don't realise how much of a worry it has been until it is all over, the relief is wonderful.

Lilka Tue 01-Jan-13 23:48:51

Yes Maryz I did shock grin Indeed I think I name changed to InsanityandherGerbils or something like that but it was too much of a mouthful to keep so I reverted back to being Lilka again!

3 of them. All boys! And yes, I sexed them and resexed them at least 10 times grin I do NOT want to repeat the experience I had many years ago of coming into the room in the morning to check on my two female gerbils and finding a squeaking nest of babies in there as well!! A pain to rehome and they aren't cute babies either - I mean really, baby Gerbils are very ugly little things, bless them!

DS and DD2 love them. Surprising how responsible DS is about them actually

I've owned about 40 Gerbils in my time shock and a wonderful old rescue cat named Carmen who I still miss [wobbly lip] I think when this furry lot are dead, we'll get a cat again. Gerbils are fine, but I'm a cat woman really smile

FamiliesShareGerms Tue 08-Jan-13 21:43:46

A great thread, sorry I'm coming to it late (been a horribly busy new year!)

DD started nursery when I went back to work, and mostly loves it. It threw up the first (of, no doubt, many) "do we tell them she's adopted?" moments. We are still learning how to deal with those.

She and DS still adore each other. It is frankly sickening how in love they are with each other, thankfully they also have sibling squabbles as well! DS is a brilliant big brother

I moved roles when I went back to work, and had a desk virtually in a corridor, so felt I couldn't have photos of DD on my desk (and none of DS either, to be fair) because of the passing traffic. I hope as DD gets older and changes appearance I can feel a bit more relaxed about that sort of thing.

But all in all a v good year, and DH and I sat back on Christmas Day and felt very lucky indeed

jenny60 Fri 11-Jan-13 17:19:50

Happy new year to all.

It's been a big year here, with ad arriving and all of us adjusting. She seems to be doing brilliantly; always singing, skipping, loving school, lots of friends, eating and sleeping well. She has amazing amounts of confidence which will help her all through her life.

We are in touch with fc and that's great. She is like an aunt and we get together quite often. Our ds has bonded with his sister we think. They squabble all the time, but seem to genuinely care about each other too.

Birthdays and Christmas have gone swimmingly: the whole extened family loves her and she them.

The problem: I am no where near feeling love for her and I know she craves it. DH is getting there. I melt a tiny bit and then just as quickly find her deeply irritating. I cannot imagine feeling anything like what I feel for ds.

I'm hoping next year's update will feature her continued progress and hapiness and my having come as far as she has sad

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