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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

Should adoptive parents arrange contact meetings between the adopted child and his or her bio-family?

169 replies

wasthatthatguy · 15/04/2011 10:59

I think the answer to this question is yes, but clearly no child should be made to meet anyone he or she is afraid of meeting? Apart from that, I think such meetings would be of benefit to all concerned, especially the child.

OP posts:
jackie1234 · 15/04/2011 12:08

Hi - we adopted a girl when she was 2 1/5 and we always offered to keep her in touch with her family. I think if you are open about it it can work, social services offered no advice, but i think it is a good thing, if done slowly

GeekCool · 15/04/2011 12:08
Biscuit
walesblackbird · 15/04/2011 12:18

I don't think there's one answer that fits all circumstances - wouldn't benefit my children.

adoptiveaunty · 15/04/2011 12:22

Mr What I am quite aware of your agenda here and your previous posts. But for the sake of others who may wonder about this matter ~

Contact is very dependent on individual situations. Sometimes contact is unwanted or wholly inappropriate, sometimes postbox contact is mutually agreed and arranged and sometimes face to face contact is mutually agreed and arranged.

Saying 1 arrangement fits all would not be benificial to any party involved.

adoptiveaunty · 15/04/2011 12:25

Mr What I am quite aware of your agenda here and your previous posts. But for the sake of others who may wonder about this matter ~

Contact is very dependent on individual situations. Sometimes contact is unwanted or wholly inappropriate, sometimes postbox contact is mutually agreed and arranged and sometimes face to face contact is mutually agreed and arranged.

Saying 1 arrangement fits all would not be benificial to any party involved.

adoptiveaunty · 15/04/2011 12:59

Killed that thread :-)

walesblackbird · 15/04/2011 13:23

Good!

hifi · 15/04/2011 13:29

IGNORE HIM

stillthinking · 15/04/2011 13:36

My neice was adopted out of the family, there is no reason for us (her bio family) not to have contact with her in terms of safety. However her family do not make it possible. I feel no animosity to them just total gratitude that they have provided her with a safe, happy and loving home.

Original poster
wasthatthatguy · 15/04/2011 15:12

jackie1234 I agree, it is a good thing for adopters to arrange contact between the adopted child and his or her bio-relatives, providing the child is agreeable to that.

GeekCool Your decision not to comment is your decision.

walesblackbird I think your adopted children may not want any contact with their bio-family, which, if correct, is fair enough.

adoptiveaunty I agree that the appropriateness of direct face-to-face contact between an adopted child and his or her bio-relatives will depend on the relevant circumstances. It may not be as easy as you may think to kill this thread.

hifi You are welcome to ignore me if you wish.

stillthinking I think the adopters of your neice will only be correct to prevent her from seeing her bio-family if that is in fact what she wants.

OP posts:
walesblackbird · 15/04/2011 16:41

Can I just ask something - why are you asking all these questions? Is it because you are an adopter, someone who's lost a child to adoption? What is your motive for wanting answers to, frankly, a pretty pointless question?

Pointless because you just can't generalise - which you seem to be doing. Unless you know the full story of each individual adoption then you can't comment and what you think is irrelevant.

Why do we need to know what you think? Why do you think it's important that we know?

Explain.

walesblackbird · 15/04/2011 16:44

Or why don't we just turn your question on its head and instead ask "Why should adoptive parents arrange contact meetings between the adopted child and his or her bio-family?"

I think that would be a better question tbh

Maryz · 15/04/2011 17:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NanaNina · 15/04/2011 20:36

Much as he annoys me as well as everyone else, I still think the best tactic is to completely ignore him - completely and utterly. He has been asked again and again why he is asking ridiculous questions and he doesn't repond. I feel he is quite creepy and clearly has no notion whatsoever about adoption.

Hands up who votes to ignore him!

hester · 15/04/2011 21:35

I was sitting on my hands, NanaNina, but I'll release one long enough to vote with you.

loflo · 15/04/2011 21:37

Seriously who is this d*? His lack of understanding of adoption is pitiful - off you go mate and watch a home for Maisie and see the damage that our beautiful amazing angry let-down kids have been put through. And leave us in peace.

Maryz · 15/04/2011 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 15/04/2011 21:52

So - anyway

Have we all got nice plans for the weekend?

Seen any good films lately?

Maryz · 15/04/2011 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hester · 15/04/2011 22:01

Ooh, I'm going to do a talk on adoption to a group of lesbian wannabe mothers!

You see, adoptoraptors recruit

thefirstMrsDeVere · 15/04/2011 22:01

Hes off again. What can I say?

Just got the garden done so DS2 can play safely in the garden Grin very exciting.

Oh and I may get a perm tommorow Shock

Wine - yum.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 15/04/2011 22:04

Sounds interesting Hester. I hope it goes well.
We had a lesbian come and talk to my prep group about adopting (that makes me sound like my nan when she met my OH -'oh I knew a black man once, he was lovely' ) Grin.

Maryz · 15/04/2011 22:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hester · 15/04/2011 22:09

A perm - that's exciting! Are they back? (I have a strong mental image of you as a very cool dude, MrsDV, so am mightily impressed.)

I'm going into the garden, too. dd1 is going to help me do some potting up, while dd2 and the cat will chase each other round the garden. Cat has a delightful new habit of eating bees; she scoops them up in her paw like bar snacks. This can only end in one of two ways: she will finish off our dwindling bee population single-handed (single-pawed). Or she will get a bee sting lodged in her throat and die (Darwin's law). I'm not sure which would be worse.

hester · 15/04/2011 22:11

MrsDV, I was about to tell you that we had a man with no arms come and talk to my prep group, but then it all sounded too ridiculous and I had to stop...

We did, though! He was an amazing, interesting man, who had adopted a sibling group and talked about the experience in a way that was both inspiring and really clear about the challenges.

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