Should adoptive parents arrange contact meetings between the adopted child and his or her bio-family?

[wasthatthatguy]

I think the answer to this question is yes, but clearly no child should be made to meet anyone he or she is afraid of meeting? Apart from that, I think such meetings would be of benefit to all concerned, especially the child.

And PS, I also love to sew, it's my therapy. Quilting is my favourite sewing but I do all sorts.

Thank you letting. I wish I could post DS2 on there but I darent 'just in case'. He is scrummy too.

I have just finished making some bags for my nieces. They are embellished with things made from my DD's clothes/jeweley. I have appliqued motifs from her teeshirts etc and used her flowery things as corsages. It gives me great comfort to use her things. It means her cousins can have a little bit of her too.

That's a gorgeous idea and I hope your nieces understand the gift they've been given and respect them.

A neighbour of mine who also quilts has made a quilt with her late daughter's clothes and has it on her couch in her sitting room. Her daughter was only 28 when she died of breast cancer and left two little girls behind. I can't imagine the pain.

What a beautiful idea.

My last perm was back in the 80s, when I was persuaded that a short bob can be permed. It can't - or mine couldn't. It just ended up as short curly hair which, as it grew out, just flopped over the sides like wilting daffodils. I have very straight, slow-growing hair, and I can tell you it took me about two years of ingenious hairstyling and much use of scarves, clips and ribbons (fortunately this was fashionable at the time).

But I still love the idea, and am very envious of others' cool dude perms.

fishtankneedscleaning Children are removed from their bio-parents for a whole range of reasons ranging from marginal to extreme.

Ladies Some of the children who become available for forced adoption, ie adoption without the consent of their parent(s), haven't been significantly harmed before being adopted, but have a parent or parents who the Local Authority social workers don't approve of for one reason or another, eg take drugs or have some sort of mental disorder, which the social workers believe is likely to lead to the child suffering harm in the future, if left in the care of the parent(s). In these cases it is unlikely that the child will have perceived any problems with his or her parent(s), and may well feel he or she has been stolen from them, or rejected by them for some unknown reason. I think direct contact should be arranged between these children and their bio-parents as soon as possible post adoption, so that they can know that they were not rejected by them, but nevertheless have to live with their adoptive parents because their bio-parents have been judged to be less capable of looking after them.

I had a spiral perm in the 80s as a student. My hair is already curly. I am surprised the hairdresser agreed to do it!

Hope you are all well today ladies.

wasthatthatguy as a social worker I can speak with some authority on this. Removing and adopting children is not something done on a whim because a s/w does not approve of a parent. There are numerous solicitors, s/w, judges etc etc involved and it is not up to one individual. Clealry if you have had children taken from your care, you need to seek some biological parent counselling.

children should only see biological parents where it is certain that this will not damage them further. most parents get letterbox contact 1 -2 times yearly and will have done life story work for the child.

My perm is getting a bit unruly in this heat.

On the plus side I dont have you blow dry so I can wash it everyday without a care.

maryz no, I am afraid Nigel didnt survive. I am ridiculously upset about the whole thing! His cage is suppose to arrive today so the chances are I will be up the pet shop later.

Dont think I will get to try out the perm in the sea this year. We spent all our holiday fund on making the garden safe for DS2. Being controlling adoptive parents we decided to control his environment so he didnt injure himself or anyone else. Wicked hey?

So pleased about DS.

DS isnt but seems happy. He came round with GF this week. Her b.mum is kicking up fuss and seems to be trying to sabotage her placement.

GF is very happy there and doing well. FC is lovely and caring. BM making false allegations and SW teams not communicating with each other.

If this placement breaks down because of her I dont think I will be able to hold myself back.

Love you ladies, I really do. Rise above it, as my ma says....

I have a hair quandary of a different kind. I've very thick hair and after many bad hair experiences (one nickname in college was "Legohead" so you get the picture) I eventually found a good cutter for thick hair.
Then my widower neighbour found love again and his new partner, a hairdresser, moved in with him. She was here with me having a coffee one day when my hairdresser rang to cancel an appt cos there was a death in her family (it was a small 2 sister hairdressers, not a fancy pants one) so she offered to cut my hair. This was about a year and a half ago. She did a nice enough job but I thought she was quite expensive, same price as the salon but my hot water and towels, have to wash my own hair, have to sweep up after myself etc. I don't have the pampered feeling that I would by going to a salon, IYKWIM. But now I can't get out of it. We live in a cul-de-sac, are in the same book club etc and she's quite an "in your face" person and I run from confrontation with my tail between my legs. I really need to just grow a pair and tell her I miss the salon experience but I'm such a chicken.

On another note entirely, I'm climbing the walls today because we were told last week by our facilitator that we should get a referral yesterday or today and it hasn't happened. AAARRGGHHH! At what time is it reasonable to start drinking???

It's absolutely gorgeous here. I want to go and sew but I'm afraid that the summer might be over in a few weeks and I shouldn't waste the sunshine indoors. Hope you're all enjoying the day wherever you are.

Oh I see, is he well known on here then?

northern did you not wonder why we were all twittering on about perms?

letting any news?

Tell your neighbour that you are going to a salon because you want a manicure at the same time as getting your hair done. Or that your mum/sister/neice/friend has booked you in for a treat. OR that you have an elderly friend who needs someone to go with her to her regular appt.

Really you should just tell her you want to go back to a salon because you prefer that to having your hair done at home. Would save getting into a pickle. I know how you feel though.

No news, MrsdeVere. I sent the faciltator a text to see did she know anything and she reckons at this stage it'll be next wed or thurs before we hear anything because of the Easter holidays. At least I know that now so I can "relax" and stop checking my email every 5 minutes.

I know I should just say it out straight to my neighbour but I'm hopeless at that sort of thing. I trip myself up with lies, I don't have the memory for them! I think I'll wait until we have our new (fingers crossed etc) dc and tell her I need the sanity of leaving home to go to a salon. I'm such a chicken!

On the subject of twittering on, when I started teaching first, the staffroom was so political and people used to try to drag me into things. I became an expert at twittering on. We'd just bought our house so I could talk for 20 minutes straight about curtains and paint. It worked then, as now!

I did wonder what the hell that was about!!

How frustrating for you . A lot of people off for the holidays and taking extended leave rather than go back for the three days.

Hope you hear soon.

MrsDV, I now have a mental image of you looking like Jennifer Beals in Flashdance - am I getting the perm right? Nigel must have been a happy budgie at the end

Maryz, really pleased to hear your ds is doing well.

I've had a great couple of days: paddling pool out and a succession of children visiting. dd1 running round with her friends, spraying each other with water and shrieking. dd2 trotting after the big kids, rapt and very impressed by them. The neighbours came and sat on our grass, drinking Pimms and watching the children play. Particularly precious as we (a) thought we would never get to have a family, and (b) can't quite believe how much this very undiverse community has welcomed and accepted us. Really lovely.

LOL at OP. Obvioulsy not an adoptive parent struggling to help a child have a normal childhood despite his abusive past with bio parents then??

Of course all adoptive parents should promote their child's contact with bio parents who are drug enduced zombies. Why ever not???

NorthernGobshite I haven't had any children removed from my care, so am not in need the bio-parent counselling you refer to in one of your above comments. I think you will agree that although there are lots of people involved in forcibly adopting a child, social workers are the key players, with the possible exception of medics. I agree that children are not removed on a whim. There always has to be some sort of reason. How convincing the reason or reasons are is of course debateable, as is how many "normal people" would agree with the SWs/medics/judge, who may well be suffering from paranoid child abuse psychosis.