Should adoptive parents arrange contact meetings between the adopted child and his or her bio-family?

[wasthatthatguy]

I think the answer to this question is yes, but clearly no child should be made to meet anyone he or she is afraid of meeting? Apart from that, I think such meetings would be of benefit to all concerned, especially the child.

Aaaw Maryz, that moved me :)

I'm lucky to know the group of lovely people I go out with, and lucky to know you lot on here

I'm also lucky that the car journey from purgatory (it was horrid but not quite hell, is purgatory supposed to be half way there!!??) is over Arrived home with two grumpy kids in tow. Onto the vino

Where is this Brazilian Wax thread?

hester you just made me laugh so loud my dog looked very alarmed
(your man with no arms comment) I dont know why but it tickled me. (OMG now I sound like I am taking the piss )

Anyhoo. Yes I think perms are fairly cool dudish. I didnt believe this myself until my surfer dudette neice showed me her new 'do' an I thought 'at last! I can have that tousled rock chick hair I have always wanted'.

My last perm was the sort that grew out after a couple of months and left you with very flat roots down to your ears and a then frizz down to your shoulders. That was in the 80s though.

I usually cringe when I hear 'journey' but I think it is perfectly acceptable when used to describe adoption. It is allowed, I have decreed this to be so.

After my perm tommorow I will be finishing the tardis. This is about my 10th tardis. This one used to be a shed.

Please send positive perm vibes. I dont think I am young/trendy/cool enough to carry off a bad perm. It wont look ironic, it will look crap. Please, please let it come out all effortless rock chic and NOT deirdrie barlow circa 1982.

Ask for Stevie Nicks... she was beautiful (if slightly dotty... but aren't we all?). Or even Jon Bon Jovi... I would have paid good money to look as pretty as him!

I love the way you (as a collective) ignore the bad behaviour This has worked for us as a family... hopefully it will work for this thread and beyond!

The current fashion for teens right now is not their own hair at the local school here! Its dye..about 5 times, so the hair is steaked, then a comb over..the parting must be by the ear, so the girls have to angle their heads to the side when walking to prevent their hair falling back across. They always have a hand free to brush the hair back across the face. It was quite funny to watch, until DD2 decided she would like one! NO was the answer!

More positive perm vibes. My hair is wavy, but I had it permed years ago (mid 80's I think?) when I was at uni, and it looked quite good I reckon...then I got older Back to the more demure styles then

walesblackbird I'm not an adopter and haven't lost any children to adoption and don't have any personal motives for my comments.

Maryz I don't have an agenda. If you can identify any what you refer to as "ridiculously inaccurate comments" I have made I invite you to say what you think they are.

NanaNina I know quite a lot about English adoption law as a result of assisting someone as a McKenzie friend in adoption proceedings, the details of which are confidential.

loflo I don't comment on specific cases. I am aware that there are cases where children clearly need to be removed from their parents and that in those cases forced adoption is probably better than forced accommodation in long term foster care. I am also aware that there are some, maybe quite a few, situations where the decision to adopt a child against the wishes of his or her parents is probably quite marginal.

hester Some people, including me, think lesbian couples should only be allowed to adopt a child if no appropriate heterosexual couples are available to adopt the child.

Children become available for "forced adoption" because a Local Authority has alleged, and it has (allegedly) been proven, that their welfare requires the consent of their parents to their proposed adoption to be dispensed with. If the child wishes to remain in contact with his or her bio-relatives after being adopted, regardless of what a Local Authority thinks, how can it be right for the adoptive parents to deny the child his or her wish? Would that not have an adverse effect on the psychological and or emotional welfare of the child?

I'm ignoring!! What a beautiful day today - sun is shining and my two little men are happily playing together whilst my daughter is having her swimming lesson.

Three lovely - if traumatised - children and I'm so very thankful to have them here with me safe and sound. Because I do know where they would be and what they would be doing had they not been adopted and over my dead body would one of my sons in particular have any contact with his birth family. They've caused enough heartache and damage to my son (MY SON - TAKE NOTE) as it is - there is no way I would ever allow them anywhere near my child unless and until he decides he wants contact - and given his age that won't be any time soon!!

Anyway ..... what are you all doing today ladies??

Today I'm wishing I didn't have that extra glass of vino last night!

I'm supposed to be unpacking all the clothes (and all the tat that DD2 managed to bring back with her) but I'm a master of procrastination when I want to be! Luckily DD2 is still in bed, but have to make an appointment at the docs because she definitely seems to have a UTI, she was in a lot of pain last night poor lamb

It is quite sunny here as well wales - got a pheasant in the back garden right now having a dust bath in the plants I only planted last weekend!

Morning walesblackbird. There's blackbirds singing in my garden right now but not the wales kind. Although I am just across the Irish Sea from you so maybe they travel??
This is my first post on the adoption forum - I've been afraid to jump in til now cos we're STILL waiting (6 1/2 years now) for our child. But we're nearly there hopefully.
I've been lurking here though and have seen how some like to stir things up I'm a great believer in ignoring bad behaviour and only giving attention to positive behaviour - I'm a primary school teacher and what works for little kids works for big kids too.

That is a long wait lettinggo - we had a longish wait for our first child and an even longer wait for our second and then our 3rd child arrived just 20 months after our second! With only 4 years between the three of them!!

Life's full on, challenging, interesting, busy but so very worth the wait.

Must remember to give that advice about praising good behaviour and ignoring the not so good to DS2's mainstream school - again - as clearly they've forgotten it.

welcome lettinggo :) Good to have more people around. 6 1/2 years really is a long time :( Do you mind my asking, are you adopting here or abroad?

I'm quite practised at ignoring bigots by now, I'm sure hester probably is as well. Groan

I too feel very lazy right now. DD2 is up finally, and gone in the shower (!). She and DS are in the garden on the trampoline. Both of them like showing off their gymnastics skills on it. They also scared the pheasant off of my nice new plants, he's gone to annoy the neighbours now

Well DS2 is still in his pjs, still refusing to get dressed so pretty much par for the course really!

Am going to try a day without his meds (for ADHD) as the more people who become involved with him the more people think it's attachment disorder rather than ADHD. I suspect a bit of both but we'll just watch his behaviour today to see how he copes without. At the moment he's rather hyper - loud, shouting, running around like a loon, and just generally being very annoying.

Me ..... well, I'm going to leave him with dh while I go out with the other two .

And no so sunny here now - dh jetwashing, I'm doing lunch have found DD who'd gone visiting a neighbour.

Apparently I'm having a baby - or so DD told our neighbours!!

Having adopted three times and being post menopausal I think that's highly unlikely!!

Thanks for the welcome.

Our adoption will be intercountry. There are very few domestic adoptions here, there being no forced adoptions (would love to know how to do the smilies so I could do a big grin here). It's hopefully near the end now, we're hoping to hear some news soon.

Maryz, you're in Ireland too, am I right?

Helloooooo I am back, freshly permed.

Its quite nice. I leeetle bit too curly but I think it will drop a bit.

Came home to a house wrecked. I did the upstairs yesterday so didnt have to do it today. Except of course I do because the boys have been v.busy undoing everything.

My incredibly innappropriate OH cannot do stairs (I know and yet ss let him adopt ) and the kids take full advantage of this to explore the bathroom and its entire contents

I am now going to spend the rest of the day pondering on what 'appropriate' really means in the context of adoption. Perhaps he is one of those who thinks it ok for lesbians to adopt the children that normal people dont want. A sort of hierarchy of importance. If you are a white, non disabled, young baby then the normal couples should get first dibs. Anyone a bit black, a bit odd ,a bit older - well let the weirdos adopt them cos no one else wants them.

Fuck off.

Apparently you are allowed to wash them now! Who knew perms had moved on so much in 30 years?

I think its an insult to all children and all adopters whatever their sexuality or dis/ability, colour etc. (not talking about my perm now btw)

Families for children not the other way round. If a parent is right for a child what does it matter what they look like or what sex their partner is?

And if someone pulls out that old 'they will be bullied' chesnut I beg them to think a bit more deeply about the experiences of children in the care system.

Yes Mary, we were caught up with Vietnam and kept on waiting for things to change. And were told to hang on in there by our former Minister for Children (I speeet on him!). We had actually sat down 3 weekends ago and almost decided to pull out of adopting but decided to give it til Easter.(Hence the name lettinggo...) We got word last week that we're next in the region we're going to for a referral.
If we had known 7 years ago all that was ahead of us, and we're not there yet, there's no way we would have gone ahead with it all.

Hope the perm "takes" - is that the terminology used??- MrsdeVere. You're a brave woman!

Walesblackbird, I'm sad that your ds's school are not being positive in their dealings with your ds.

Ripvanlilka, we have the same hair styles in our school minus the hair dye. It's hilarious - they all walk around as if they have massive cricks in their necks with these combovers that are trying to defy gravity. So funny. But they think they're gorgeous so you have to love them. :)

There's a few right skangers in my school, Mary!

How do you do the emoticons????Can't figure it out.