Struggling with DD who has autism [Title edited by MNHQ]

You sound knackered and it's understandable. I often find it helpful to remind myself you take a third off emotional age so would you be so cross at a six-year-old? Also, to imagine someone is filming you helps with the shouting. Shouting at mine (and I do, you are not alone) only ever escalates it. We all end up spiralling and emotionally battered. Make yourself a brew Xxx

You are not a shit mum. You are human and finding it hard to parent a child who has complex needs. I hear you, I've been there and it's a bloody hard and thankless role some (many) days. You are doing a great job.

You're not a shit mum xx

& yes 'fucking autism'. It makes life so much harder for the person & their families.

if it's even a slight bit of help to you... NT 10 year olds can be proper little grime/slime/paper buggers too.

& you'll get through it, because there's no alternative.

try to get some sleep, tomorrow is another fresh start xx

Oh i hear you..... i have felt broken past few weeks. Took a week off work and got myself back on track, sorted house, got on top of life admin, cooked homecooked meals and took a nap every day except weekend i actually feel in a much better place.

Do try and find some space for you.

I see you. I have two kids with ASD and one with ADHD. I also have ADHD. It's so much more hard work than most people realise.

I also feel like the shittest mum. I've also spent the day yelling and swearing under my breath . Autistic DS1 has made it impossible for DS2 at the moment, poor kid can't even sit or speak without DS1 finding some fault in his every move. They've bickered all weekend with DS2 constantly in tears. DS1 then bullying toddler for kisses who point blank refuses and shrieked nonstop.

I have no answers. But you're not alone.

Yep. My DS has had the week from hell in which he turned 10. He had his first ever internal exclusion this week as things have gotten so bad at school.
We are awaiting EHCP, having applied myself in September.
His life is so fucking difficult, and it breaks my heart every day. It is also hard not to feel cross and shout too because sometimes, he is a dick 🙈. Fucking good job I love the little gobshite I tell you.
I have just spent an hour going back through old videos of him age 3-5 on my phone. It really helped me feel all soft and fuzzy again after a long ass day.

Yep. Fucking autism. I spend so much of my life being patient and fitting around needs.

It's exhausting.
Thank goodness there is more awareness now. It doesn't change much but it's better than not knowing why.

That sounds tough. I can't say I'd have not lost my temper at that! I know my son would say the same if he knew the words!
Tomorrow can be a better day. I always have a little hope. Sometimes he surprises me, and that is what I have to wait for xx

Sometimes for me it is the little things that get to me. Every day I have to remember so much. I mustn't forget to set my sat nav for the journey home from work - despite it being a journey I could do in my sleep - to ring afterschool club when I am 10 minutes away because he would have a meltdown if I just turned up to collect.
Or the fact I have to stand poolside on his swimming lessons because he needs my firmness to stop him distracting the other swimmers and for him to actually focus on the swimming itself (he also has adhd!).
Or the fact that I know that he needs the instructions one step at a time every single morning because get dressed and put your packed lunch in the bag would inevitably end up with neither being done.
So many alterations I have to make, that seem like such little and minor things. But added up they feel like running a marathon every single day, jumping out of obstacles way, trying to avoid meltdowns.
Exhausting.

Yep, fucking autism. I hear you.

I'm laying in bed wondering if my autistic teenager is about to start screaming.

I'm not sure if it's worth trying to sleep, as I think there is a meltdown brewing.

And I'm already dreading trying to her up for school in the morning.

added up they feel like running a marathon every single day, jumping out of obstacles way, trying to avoid meltdowns.
Exhausting.

^ that's the crux of it isn't it. Having to hold in mind all of it, constantly, above and beyond the everyday in order to regulate someone else for many many years. I hope tomorrow is a better day!

My manager said to me last week "it's okay for you, you only work part time" in reference to annual leave requests and spending time with your kids in the school holidays. I honestly don't know how I kept my cool. I fucking wish I could work full time and not have a child with autism and adhd!!! If I could, I bloody would. I'm doing the best I can with what I've got. I'd love to have an extra 1k+ a month working FT thanks!
But because I'm "lucky" I get to work PT I should get none of the school holidays off. Or very few at least.
🤬

Yes fuck autism is how i feel today and actually every day since my son was born severely autistic and has severe learning disabilities, global development delay too.Every,Single.Day is a struggle. Not being dramatic. He can't talk,wont walk, screams day and night cant leave the house at all really, barely eats,is doubly incontinent and at 12 shows no awareness of learning, he scratches and pinches me as a stim. I love him to death, but hate the autism which doesn't give him a bloody chance at life.

Oh my god I feel your pain OP. I have 2 that are autistic - one (teen) never leaves their room and 10yo is lot like your DD, except he has started attacking me (pinching, scratching etc). And there is NO help or support at all - I have rang the autisim place and all they suggested was calling the Police!
F - - k you autisim!

There seem to be a lot of us in the same boat - anyone interested in forming an autisim support whatsapp group?

That autism support whatsapp group sounds like a fabulous idea.

I’m so sorry you are all having a rough time 💐

just "fuck off"... ?

meh ,you got off lightly... it could have been a hell of a lot worse...

but yeah autism is shit and can fuck right off.

@MrsMarkRonson Try Yvonne Newbold... I would suggest sharing pics of scars, maybe not the one from where I was bitten on the arse though.

autistic parent of autistic kids

(you got to laugh or else you'd cry.. though today has been a lot of crying.. )

Here’s to a better day tomorrow! As hard as it is, I can tell that you love her a lot and a shitty day today doesn’t change that.

Hope you manage to get some good sleep tonight.

You mustn't ever hate yourself for wishing things were different. Nobody should. Why on earth wouldn't you want a less complex life for your child and yourself?

Totally with you OP. Mine is 7, non verbal, incontinent, global development delay. He also has a severe health issue and needs a wheelchair.
Life is fucking hard.

This has made me feel better. As hDS3 gets older (10 almost 11) and the ASD seems more and more prominent and difficult, I find myself wishing he was neuro-typical most days. It doesn't help that DS1 and 2 are neuro-typical, and, whilst full of their own personality, are easy kids in the main. I really do hate autism most days- and adhd and epilepsy! We're all in the same boat.

I hear you! Autistic mum here of an autistic DS15.