Struggling with DD who has autism [Title edited by MNHQ]

No. I can't see anything there that indicates any of the posters you quoted wish their children were dead. There is a huge difference between wishing you didn't have the complications that having a disabled child can bring to your life and wishing your children dead.

"If an NT person of here said their child was difficult and they were overwhelmed and sometimes wished they hadn't been born then would every NT person wonder if their parents didn't love them because they were difficult? No. because every relationship is different and complicated and personal. Honestly the things you are throwing out there are ridiculous and unless you are autistic and have an autistic child you should stop trying to stand up for something you don't appear to understand."

I've never seen a post stating that somebody would prefer their child not to have been born because they are neurotypical. Plus, children do not remain children forever, but autistic people do remain autistic forever. Lastly, when the parent of an NT child is having trouble, most people think it's because the parent doesn't have the skills they need to deal with things or because their situation is especially hard, not because the NT baby is faulty. So, your analogy doesn't stand up.

I am autistic, and I have autistic children. I've been told multiple times, in one way or another, that my comments on this thread are ridiculous. I think this means that it's just as likely that you don't understand me, as the other way around.

"No. I can't see anything there that indicates any of the posters you quoted wish their children were dead. There is a huge difference between wishing you didn't have the complications that having a disabled child can bring to your life and wishing your children dead."

Perhaps you see a more significant difference between wishing a child hadn't been born and wishing they were dead. I can see a difference in the sentiments, but not one that greatly affects their impact on me.

@Thenose

the lack of empathy, the gaslighting, the ableism against autistic posters (without learning difficulties) is really really hard.

this does no mean I’m having a go at the OP or any other parent of an autistic child - you have your battles and I have no doubt it is hugely difficult.

but please realise that we are humans, with feelings and though some don’t feel disabled, I certainly do. And often it is the attitude of neurotypicals which make my life so much worse.

i need to walk a mile in your shoes before I can criticise, but you need to walk in mine too. It goes both ways.

Has anyone said that they wished their child hadn't been born?
As far as I can tell, people have said that they wish their child didn't have autism. Which is very different.

Virtually every parent wants their child to be able to navigate life comfortably and ultimately independently, to be confident, socially comfortable and relaxed.

When you see your child struggling with school, having no/few friends, struggling with day to day life as an adult, possibly not being employable, not being able to live independently, of course you'd wish that they didn't have to live that way. That's without even thinking of oneself or dealing with the more extreme issues of complex autism.

So yes, wishing they'd been born without the condition, is surely fairly understandable.

@lollipoprainbow i chuckled at your post in total empathy
Many pics of tear stained scowling child or the total crashing that accompanies arriving somewhere thst was so much looked forward to but just causes stress

I was thinking of doing a xmas lights trail but i think instead we will walk roind the neighbourhood admiring xmas decorations ..that is often a winner

Honest to God these posts just scream manipulation. One poster saying that parents are wishing their children dead, another that we don't recognise you as human? Constantly trying to shut down conversations with wild accusations. Is that not gaslighting? Pretending people are saying something that they are not. Is constantly trying to shut down conversations between people that need to talk not showing a lack of empathy?

Maybe check your own posts before flinging accusations around.

Could you possibly be being a bit meltdowny yourself...

The bloody thing is fairly genetic . It was a revelation when I realised a lot of our difficulties were because we are all autistic.

calm down FFS. The manipulation accusation is absolutely pathetic and completely wrong. And to deny the prejudice I face every day is disgraceful. I have been bullied, excluded and gaslit many, many times and I cannot believe you are suggesting I’m making this up to manipulate people.

It really fucking sucks to be autistic in this spiteful NT-designed world. And people with attitudes like yours are precisely the ones preventing improvement for ALL autistic people (not just us “high functioning” ones)

I'm talking about this thread. Where have you been 'bullied, excluded and gaslit' on this thread? Why would we be talking about your 'every day' on this thread where nobody knows you and the thread isn't about you? I'm suggesting that you are manipulating on this thread, trying to shut the conversation down by making unfounded accusations and making the thread about how shitty your life is.

What exactly is my attitude that is preventing improvement for ALL autistic people(every single one), I mean who knew I had such reach! Very grand claims you are making.

@Foolsandtheirmoney

Well there’s the accusation you’ve made twice about me trying to shut this thread down. At no point whatsoever have I attempted that. In fact I have emailed MN expressly saying the thread should not be shut down.

and then there’s the denial of ableism when the thread was originally entitled “fucking autism” and this phrase has been repeated many times. Whilst I absolutely think the OP is perfectly entitled to vent, it shouldn’t be done using language which is offensive to some of us who are also in the spectrum.

and then there is just the daily grind of micro aggressions. You won’t see them as you’re not autistic. But they are there.

But please stop being so aggressive. It’s really unnecessary and unhelpful.

OP - I hope you find some calm at some point.

I can really see the rigidity of thinking so widely associated with autism right here on this thread.
My own son is just like this. The way he sees things is fixed, unlikely to change.
His current mantra when he drops his pencil, or someone brushes past him, or the computer doesn't work, or he makes a slight mistake in some way or some other what can be perceived as incredibly minor issue is "why is my life so awful, why am I the only one with bad luck, why does no one else have bad luck, it's not fair, I hate you all" (this is all whilst screaming in a meltdown). Of course afterwards he still can not see that others have bad luck, others drop their pencil, or make mistakes. Technology fails us all on a regular basis. We've talked, done social stories, given ways to deal with the stress of the occasion, pointed out all the times things have gone wrong for us, made a joke out of making a mistake or dropping something etc. You name it, it's been tried. He can not see that he is not the only one that these things happen to. It is only him. Total fixed and rigid mindset.

It's hard. I often wish for a cure, for both my DC and myself.

What an arrogant post for a thread that had been up less than 24 hours when you posted. The invalidation in it is quite something! You sound proud of your observational skills but I have read your posts and you are as rigid in your viewpoint as anyone else on here. I do wonder if you have the self-awareness to see that?

Neurodiverse mumsnetters' board is worth a visit if you think you are. It did sound quite familiar.

I'm glad you are ok. It seems that asking the question was not allowed however.

Except it wasn’t just asking the OP caring question, it also telling “militant” posters to fuck off. Which isn’t nice,

Haha. I'll call off columbo to solve the riddle of the disappearing nice post!

God, how hard is it to write a post that doesn't get deleted?

Fucking stupid mumsnetters....

Now THAT is a thread I can get behind!

(This WILL get deleted!)