Struggling with DD who has autism [Title edited by MNHQ]

As a parent to a child with ASD, this thread is disgusting. There's a huge difference between hating what Dementia (or Cancer) has done to your loved one and hating the way in which your child's brain is wired.

Autism is not a disease or something to hate! It's the way our children were made. Love them for it and stop insulting them!!!!!

This is fucking horrible

No, this thread is not disgusting.

That’s your take on it, which you’re perfectly entitled to. However, others see it differently.

This woman needs help and support and somewhere to vent. Anyone with any sense can see that she’s got huge amounts of love for her child.

If people want to argue about this topic they can do so elsewhere. This thread really is not the appropriate place.

You're right, this is NOT the place to insult parents of children with ASD. How would you be reacting if someone came on here and moaned about people of a different race? Or about disabled people?
I have a DD with Autism and it's how she is! It's how her brain works. As mentioned Dementia is a disease that robs you of your loved one. It's very understandable to hate and despise it. But Autism is the way some people are. To moan about Autism is to moan about the child. It's very sad

@MyTing Reported

I have autism. I feel like a child waiting for someone to feed me, take me out, clean for me.

Dyspraxic and Dyslexic too

No, it’s to moan about what autism means for your child, and for you. There is nothing wrong with that. People are allowed to find it difficult, and to be sad/angry/frightened/worried for their child(ren) and/or themselves.

Life is not ideal for many people, whether ND or NT and it’s okay to talk honestly about the shitty bits.

When my ds was younger he used to say 'If you die I'm going to kill myself' :-( Thankfully he hasn't said that for a long time, but I definitely need to live till 100. I totally understand that feeling that no one can look after and love your child like you. They're so dependent and it feels such a huge responsibility.

Anyway I’m going to take my own admonition and not argue about this any further on this thread.

to OP and to all, regardless of where you stand on this topic and wording around it.

Thank you.😃

Absolutely it is but not on a forum full of many parents to children with ASD. Also if you read OP's initial post again... It is not the undertone of frustration, it's very offensively worded hatred & vitriol.
How do you think someone perhaps with autism themselves, and therefore by virtue OF Autism, is unable to read between the lines, is going to feel when they see this thread? Think about that for a second

Yes. This. I always thought 'minus 3 years' emotionally but 1/3 is more like it.
And yes, try to stand back & imagine the situation on film.
I have 2 with Autism. Now 18 & 15 (it doesnt get easier).
I've done it alone (exH was a selfish git before he walked).
It's very hard indeed. Harder for them though I think.
LIfelong neurodevelopmental disorder. 'superpower' my arse.
It could be if the world were set up different, but it's not.
For my kids it's just endless frustration, anxiety & lonliness.
Therefore, for me too.

I hadn't read to the end of the thread before I posted so I didn't know its become a bit of a bunfight.

My kids Autism is who they are yes. And they are wonderful. Smart, talented, funny, kind, lovely human beings. But it also makes their life very very hard.
Because they hit the diagnostic criteria in every sense (plus they have comorbidities of Dyspraxia, Dyslexia, SpD) Hard, hard, hard & hard for them.
(therefore for me too as I love them & want them to be happy: like all parents)

The people that come on hoisting their judgy pants and berating parents for being sharing they are stressed, broken and admitting themselves how shit they feel for struggling, does it make you feel superior? There is NOTHING wrong with venting and seeking support to know you're not alone. to all those struggling.

I'm damn sure if a parent came on to vent about their NT child, talked about how they had done nothing but shout at them all weekend and wished they were like their friends (or just hadn't been born) it would have been a whole different response. But it is okay if they child has autism... how backwards is mumsnet?

💐 op and all who are also bearing up under great strain.
My dc 10 is not NT (no diagnosis) and it breaks my heart the way it affects self esteem as they find things hard and experience rejection whilst also watching other children sail along merrily. The struggles my dc has are not even the worst there is, and still if I could give them a golden wand to magic it away I would. Of course I am doing what I can to affirm their value and help them see the good positive sides of who they are and I truly support them every day.

People who want to state that having a moments thought wishing your child didn't have these struggles is unacceptable, I think, are militant about it has they need to be, to cope and to accept (or have no idea and can't imagine a life experience beyond their own) the tough hand dealt.
But denying the difficulties there are, is a false reality mentality that we must banish all negative thoughts at all costs even in the face of the storm - its toxic positivity because it forces you to pretend your lived experience is all a blessing.

I have seen many threads like this, where the op said sometimes they wished they'd never had children, or if only they'd known how hard it would be etc and actually they are often met with compassion and understanding. Lots of 'is OK to get it off your chest' 'you'll feel better after a good night's sleep' etc etc

Yeah, and that is fine. Would you say those threads never acknowledged or mentioned the fact that the OP had spent the weekend yelling at the child and maybe suggested that was making the problem worse? Why is nobody talking about that? This is a child that the OP is taking her frustration out on. But it is seemingly okay because that child is ND.

The fact is, it’s not always about the person with autism.

And you can make of that what you like.

1/3 off the emotional age sounds abiut right to me. I have never heard of that before.

I hate that my gorgeous funny DS can't keep up with his NT peers. He has dyspraxia as well and at the weekend we went to a party for one of his friends that had an activity in it that he simply could not do. It is so hard for him and me seeing him struggle with simply everything. Bless his little soul. I also cannot stand the ''superpower' thing. When we were discussing his many many diagnoses with the SENCO I sighed at one point and said 'Poor thing' and the SENCO blew up and started telling me off with 'autism is a superpower!!'. Well, all I can see is that it makes his life so much more difficult than need be.

I'd never change a bit of him. He is perfect the way he is- i just wishes things were easier for him. And parenting a child with so many needs is really tiring and relentless sometimes.