Struggling with DD who has autism [Title edited by MNHQ]

@feedingfrenzyatfive @RobertaFirmino
if you have any use some common sense to work out which bits apply to who.
You have some nerve telling me to fuck off and shove MY judgements in the bin, passive aggresively calling me sunshine when youre not being bright yourself, how hypocritical, and assuming Im not autistic nor have autistic children on the basis of what? You are essentially calling autistic people a burden. And it doesn't take a degree to work out that its incredibly hurtful, WRONG,
and abusive. Autistic people are NOT a burden, if you just arent getting the right support for whatever reason, then that is NOT the autistics persons fault. People somehow feeling comfortable saying they wish theyd never had their children. Autism can be managed. And if its not being managed, then your child is going to do something thats not ideal, or have a meltdown. Get support if you can, but stop acting like autistic people are the problem.

I just use "special needs", not to offend anyone. And Im sorry that it somehow offended you, but heres a medal for making me, an autistic person with an autistic child angry with your abuse. I dont want to hear your abusive opinions and no one whos right in the head would.

Your use of "...right in the head" is somewhat ironic @eelieza

Bollocks. Was so up for some sleuthing.

perhaps I can look for some lost humanity instead?

Haha, I have to say as someone with a son, husband and numerous inlaws with asd this is so relatable. My dh is much better now than he was though(we were teens when we met) so I think there is hope that your ds will get it with time. It still can be his default mode but with a bit of a nudge he usually ends up laughing at himself.

You seem to have misunderstood my post.

That poster is very anti those stigmatising autistic people. And then she intimates that anyone who feels differently "isn't right in the head". So she's happy to point the finger at people with a different type of cognitive problem. Which is where the irony lies..

@saraclara

No I think @Jamiesontonight has got it spot on.

you have stated in this thread “It seems that those adults who have what used to be referred to as Aspergers, have no idea of the difficulties of parenting (or having) the more profound types of the condition.”

so you have generalised that all adults with Asperger’s have no compassion for parents of children who have autism alongside severe learning difficulties.

that’s a really shit thing to say. also Wrong. Also Ableist.

@eelieza Please show me the part where I told you to 'fuck off'.

Now if you had a single ounce of compassion, you would want to help OP and her child. Instead, you were downright nasty.

If you wanted people to stop saying 'fuck autism', you would want to help them cope. You would want to share advice and strategies. You wouldn't judge them and become abusive because they were having problems coping.

If you really cared about others, you wouldn't use outdated phrases like 'special needs' or abusive terms like '...right in the head'.

Instead, you just want to froth with anger and make it all about you. In fact, this is nothing to do with you and everything to do with a person who is crying out for help. Why, as a mother of a child with autism, don't you want to help someone else in this position?

Interesting thread here. Note the tactics. Thou must insist autism is a superpower.

National Autistic Society - yikes www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/4669822-national-autistic-society-yikes

@Ch3wylemon

are you suggesting that autistic people are coming onto this thread and deploying the “tactics” of insisting autism is seen as a superpower??

not one autistic person on this thread has done that. Not one. Many, including me, have expressly stated they feel it is a disability

it is SO disingenuous to try to suggest we are doing deploying . And why you have linked a completely unrelated article is beyond me. Unless it is a pathetic attempt to suggest discredit us further?

Very sneaky and underhand.

we are just asking for respect - “fucking autism” is not respectful. It is ableist and hurtful

@Scautish mumsnet is a support site for parents.

Parents have been criticised on this thread for admitting they are struggling and some posts - on both sides - have been aggressive.

I'm not defending any of the offensive posts, but I think it's important that parents have a safe space to articulate their feelings. If others find that triggering to read they are not forced to read them and I would suggest that they would receive better support on a different thread.

What I now think is interesting is finding out that shutting down debate is a known tactic.

@Ch3wylemon

ok. So having been shown that no autistic people are saying autism is a superpower as our “tactics” you are now saying that actually our tactic is to shut down the thread. Which is again, incorrect. As I stated yesterday - perhaps you missed this - I expressly asked MN not to shut down the thread, but I did ask for the title to be changed as “fucking autism” is an appalling expression no matter how tough life is for a parent, you don’t get to be racist, sexist or ableist.

so I’d suggest your clear tactic is to twist and misrepresent everything autistic people are trying to say. As far as I can tell, we are only asking for respectful language and challenging inaccuracies about autism without learning difficulties.

as I said, sneaky and underhand.

also - I am a parent of autistic children. So it is very important to me that life for them is a lot smoother than it has been for me. And than means I challenge ableism that I see every single day in here.

my right to seek support in helping my children is every bit as meaningful as any other parent’s right in asking for help and support. And frankly, anyone can ask for support here - it’s not just for parents - MN has evolved significantly since it started.

says you

I couldn't agree more with @Scautish.

Hi to everyone who PM'd me, sabout the whatsapp group, so sorry I haven't replied, its been a bloody hectic week! I'll reply to you all and try and get the group organised this weekend. If anyone else wants to join, PM me with your number. 😀Look forward to talking to you!

Couldn’t agree more with thenose and scautish. Changing how you talk about things changes how you think about them.

I have no rush to change my thinking about autism.It has damaged every area of my life. I also have a teenage daughter battling a MH condition caused by autism that will probably end up killing her, another child whose life has been decimated by it. “Fucking autism” sums up my feelings exactly. I defy anybody to walk in my shoes and not feel the same.

I have this ds1 is autistic with adhd. He hounds ds2 who cannot even breathe without peace to add to it ds2 is now so fed up with it he picks fights with ds1. He knows ds1 will pick on him regardless of what he does so does it to annoy him at times. Ds3 is only 3 and has to deal with so much. Our lives are miserable a lot of the time because of ds1 behaviour to us all. He believes it’s always every else’s fault and he is an angel and the family annoy him. Unfortunately annoying him can mean things like turn the tv of you have school tomorrow and it’s 9.30pm. This request often gets met with a barrage of abuse. Yesterday he told his dad multiple times he was an idiot for no reason and I got told to shut my mouth multiple times for asking him to go to his room and do his homework because he wanted the other 4 people in the living room to be totally silent. They couldn’t be but his room was quiet. I love it but he is bloody horrible a lot of time.

You don't have to change how you feel, you just have to try and use language that isn't offensive to people with autism. Or just do whatever you like. You obviously can't see anything beyond your own experience anyway?

Simplelivingisharderthanitlooks

i don’t think there is any rule that says you have to do anything. I’m sitting by a hospital bed with my sick child. Anybody in my shoes would feel the same and frankly the fact we’re still here is enough. I have autism myself and I’m capable of seeing how it impacts others more than others. Those that are impacted less who want to dictate how and what others who are struggling more express their pain clearly aren’t looking beyond their own experience.

Can l join😭

My 16 year old Dd who got a bunch of 7 and 8 in her GCSE’s although it nearly killed us is refusing to go to 6 th form. 3 refusals this wel, and yet she wants to be there by her own admission, just can’t cope with the intensity of A level.

How on earth do you know I am impacted less? You know nothing about me.

I'm not arguing with you, take care.