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Original poster

Chav Gags - Please avoid if you are offended by the word 'chav'

103 replies

NomDePlume · 29/03/2005 11:32

1.What do you call a Chav in a box?

Innit.

2.What do you call a Chav in a filing cabinet?

Sorted

3 What do you call a Chav in a box with a lock on it?

Safe.

  1. What do you call an Eskimo Chav?

Innuinnit.

  1. Why are Chavs like slinkies?

They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.

  1. What do you call a Chavette in a white tracksuit?

The bride.

  1. If you see a Chav on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?

It might be your bike.

  1. What's the difference between a Chav and a coconut?

One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.

  1. What's the first question at a Chav quiz night?

"What you lookin' at?"

  1. How do you get 100 Chavs into a phone box?

Paint three stripes on it.

  1. Two Chavs in a car without any music. Who's driving?

The police.

Chav walks into the local job centre, marches straight up to the counter and said "Hi, I'm looking for a job". The man behind the counter replies "Your timing is amazing. We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays. The Salary package is £200,000 a year ". The chav says "You're having me on!" The man behind the counter says "Well you started it!"

A bus full of Chavs were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfgogogferrinfourasoch they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one Chav asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"

The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said,

"Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing"

OP posts:
fastasleep · 29/03/2005 11:37
  1. Why are Chavs like slinkies?

They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.

Some of them were funny but that one nasty!!

Titania · 29/03/2005 11:37

PMSL!!!!!

Original poster
NomDePlume · 29/03/2005 11:41

I did put a warning up....

OP posts:
fastasleep · 29/03/2005 11:50

I didn't mean to sound all high and mighty! the 'scallies' around here are in general quite likeable when you get to know them though

Tortington · 30/03/2005 01:32

its like hearing your nanna tell a racist joke and not commenting on how inappropriate it is. i am at a loss as to how this word has become a commonplace slang term for a whole section of society - and is not seen as morally reprehensable.

Tortington · 30/03/2005 02:03

What do you call a sahm in a box?

a childrens entertainer

What do you call a sahm in a filing cabinet?

lost

Why are sahm's like slinkies?

They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.

What do you call a sahm in a white tracksuit?

stupid

If you see a sahm on a bike, why should you try not to hit her?

its the only day out they have had in years

What's the difference between a sahm and a coconut?

One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.

What's the first question at a sahm quiz night?

"What nappies you use?"

How do you get 100 sahm's into a phone box?

tell them its a free creche

Two sahms in a car without any music. Who's driving?

neither of them know they are too busy talking to each other because they have both been devoid of adult conversation and sex fro a very long time

sahm walks into the local job centre, marches straight up to the counter and said "Hi, I'm looking for a job". The man behind the counter replies "Your timing is amazing. We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin sons. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young nubile muscley tanned lithe exotic trim young men on their overseas holidays. The Salary package is £200,000 a year ". The sahm says "You're having me on!" The man behind the counter says "Well you started it!"

bus full of sahm's were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfgogogferrinfourasoch they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one sahm asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"

Feeling sorry for the obviously dishevelled mothers who never got out very much The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said,

"Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing"

Tortington · 30/03/2005 02:12

1.What do you call a blonde in a box?
lost

2.What do you call a blonde in a filing cabinet?

lost

3 What do you call a blonde in a box with a lock on it?

confused

  1. Why are blondes like slinkies?

They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.

  1. What do you call a blonde in a white tracksuit?

unusually coordinted

  1. If you see a blonde on a bike, why should you try not to hit her?

bless.......shes trying

  1. What's the difference between a blonde and a coconut?

One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.

  1. What's the first thing a blonde sys at a quiz night?

"i'm confused"

  1. How do you get 100 blondes into a phone box?

tell them its the mall

  1. Two blondes in a car without any music. Who's driving?

someone has to drive?

a blonde walks into the local job centre, marches straight up to the counter and said "Hi, I'm looking for a job". The man behind the counter replies "Your timing is amazing. We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin sons. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young lads on their overseas holidays. The Salary package is £200,000 a year ". The blonde says "that sounds too difficult"

A bus full of blondes were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfgogogferrinfourasoch they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one blonde asked the brunette employee, "Before we order, could you settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"

The brunette girl leaned over the counter and said,

"wwwwwaaaaaalllllleeessss"

Tortington · 30/03/2005 02:29

1.What do you call the middle classes in a box?
contained

2.What do you call the middle classes in a filing cabinet?

contained

3 What do you call the middle classes in a box with a lock on it?

confused but contained

  1. Why are the middle classes like slinkies?

They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.

  1. Why would the middle classes wear white tracksuits?

the cleaner was off sick

  1. If you see any of the middle classes on a bike, why should you try not to hit them?

gosh ....i'm trying ..nope cant think of a reason

  1. What's the difference between the middle class and a coconut?

One's hairy, the other's a coconut.

  1. What's the first question at a middle class quiz night?

dunno never been

  1. How do you get 100 of themiddle class into a phone box?

tell them theres a free guardian or tell them they can get their kids into a good school or tell them theres a good nanny inside. or tell them it saves on pollution.

  1. Two middle class people in a car without any music. Who's driving?

well that would be the one behind the wheel. there is no music as it would distract from the road and be dangerous.

a middle class person walks into the local job centre becuase they are obviously lost

A bus full of middle class people were driving through Wales int heir eco friendly mini van. As they were approaching Llanfgogogferrinfourasoch they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch at the nearest waitrose.

As they stood at the counter, one middle class person asked the employee, "Before we order, could you settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"

The girl leaned over the counter and said "no, i only get paid 4.50 per hour and i haven't got time"
the middle classes nod and smile politley reminding themselves to write to their MP whilst wondering how mrs chan is getting on with their cleaning

Tortington · 30/03/2005 02:37

1.What do you call a pro abortion activist in a box?

arrested

2.why was a pro abortion activist in a filing cabinet?

to get evidence

3 What do you call a pro abortion activist in a box with a lock on it?

arrested

  1. What do you call an Eskimo pro abortion activist

far away thank god

  1. Why are pro abortion activist like slinkies?

They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.

  1. What do you call a pro abortion activist in a white tracksuit?

dressed appropriatley for running away from the police

  1. If you see a pro abortion activist on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?

errrrr, nope i give up.can't think of a reason

  1. What's the difference between a pro abortion activist and a coconut?

One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.

  1. What's the first question at a pro abortion activist quiz night?

dunno never been

  1. How do you get 100 pro abortion activists into a phone box?

tell them there is an MP inside

  1. Two pro abortion activists in a car without any music. Who's driving?

The police.

yaaaawn. i have run out of the imflamatory - am sure more will come to me later

helsi · 30/03/2005 03:18

LOL - very clever.

ghosty · 30/03/2005 03:33

My God Custy, how I have missed you ....
PMSL ...

manutd · 30/03/2005 03:52

LOVE the chav gags - made my insomnia worthwhile. Thanks for making a tired old lady laugh.

WideWebWitch · 30/03/2005 07:22

Well, quite Custy. NDP, it's no good saying 'don't open this thread if offended' - I don't like the word chav and you put it in a thread title so it was hardly hidden away. Custy makes a good point: substitute almost anything else and these jokes are unacceptable. So why do people think these are ok?

Enid · 30/03/2005 08:14

custy the middle class ones made me pmsl

Tinker · 30/03/2005 11:25

Clever custardo, I like it.

TwinSetAndPearls · 30/03/2005 16:46

As someone who appears very middle class and is a SAHM with strong views on abortion I loved the jokes and wasn't offended one bit. Equally as someone who comes from a family who could be very easily labelled as Chav and who lives in a town kown for being Chav central I wasn't offended either . But I do wonder where this venom for working class people who like a bitof glitz ( and don't we all ) had come from.

manutd · 30/03/2005 20:52

because they are so funny

Tortington · 30/03/2005 21:36

1.What do you call manu supporter in a box?
arrested

2.why was a manu supporter in a filing cabinet?
to get evidence

3 What do you call a manu supporter in a box with a lock on it?
arrested

  1. What do you call an Eskimo manu supporter
    far away thank god

  2. Why are manu supporters like slinkies?
    They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.

  3. What do you call a manu supporter in a white tracksuit?
    dressed appropriatley for running away from the police

  4. If you see a manu supporter on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?
    errrrr, nope i give up.can't think of a reason

  5. What's the difference between a manu supporter and a coconut?
    One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.

  6. What's the first question at a manu supporter quiz night?
    dunno never been

  7. How do you get 100 manu supporter into a phone box?
    tell them there is free sky tv

  8. Two manu supporters in a car without any music. Who's driving?
    The police.

manutd · 30/03/2005 22:53

want to know how I chose my internet moniker?
my brother Emmanuel (Manny ) died aged six . The "utd " is for until death (reunites)

Tortington · 30/03/2005 22:57

very sorry for your loss, i truly am i have suffered too from close devestating loss as have many on mumsnet - if ever you want to talk about it please start a thread and i will gladly discuss it with you.

back to this thread though, i was making a point - you dont have to agree with it - did you see it though?

manutd · 30/03/2005 23:33

I cant discuss it and am shocked at myself for coming out with it but thanks for the offer.

On second thoughts I will give this some thought as I think it has affected me and in particualr my relationship with my husband (NOT great)on some very basic level.
people who have known me in real life from recent years do not even know about it.
I do understand your point but don't agree. As a non white person in England I maybe have a more robust attitude than most to targetted humour. I thought some of the sahm take offs were very funny (childrens entertainer-sahm in a box- . Also the one about sahm looking for a job. These are genuinely funny to me at any rate whereas the slinky and bike chav/.fillin any thing in the blank ones were not.

I don't like being told what it is ok for me to laugh at or being made out as an undiscriminating fool just beause I find certian things funny.

Laughing at chav/blonde/irish/irishman englishman scotsman / lawyer/ estate agent /social worker/whatever jokes does not mean I carry actual prejudices towards these groups. Most jokes have a "victim" and sometimes the victim is a group. You can't even really put your finger on why you find a joke funny or not.
I personally don't have a filter that means I cannot find a joke funny if it is directed at a group. I just don't understand the whole PC thing at all but that may be because I am not apologetic for my own culture as well as not being fully part of British culture. Even that does not make a alot of sense because I think most of us her live in the Uk but our lives/cultures are very diferent but we still have lots in common. Hey who knows! I don't want to tell anyone what it is ok to think/laugh at does that make any sense?

Gomez · 30/03/2005 23:35

Pretty funny what ever you use to be fair. WWW get over yourself love.

WideWebWitch · 30/03/2005 23:37

Gomez, I think you'll find I'm as entitled to my opinion here as anyone. So don't patronise me and tell me to 'get over myself, love.' Really.

Marina · 30/03/2005 23:42

Custy thank you for that!

Gomez · 30/03/2005 23:42

As am I presumably WWW? Which I have voiced. There is no need, I believe, for any more to be said on the subject.