Chav Gags - Please avoid if you are offended by the word 'chav'

[NomDePlume]

1.What do you call a Chav in a box?

Innit.

2.What do you call a Chav in a filing cabinet?

Sorted

3 What do you call a Chav in a box with a lock on it?

Safe.

4. What do you call an Eskimo Chav?

Innuinnit.

5. Why are Chavs like slinkies?

They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.

6. What do you call a Chavette in a white tracksuit?

The bride.

7. If you see a Chav on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?

It might be your bike.

8. What's the difference between a Chav and a coconut?

One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.

9. What's the first question at a Chav quiz night?

"What you lookin' at?"

10. How do you get 100 Chavs into a phone box?

Paint three stripes on it.

11. Two Chavs in a car without any music. Who's driving?

The police.

Chav walks into the local job centre, marches straight up to the counter and said "Hi, I'm looking for a job". The man behind the counter replies "Your timing is amazing. We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays. The Salary package is £200,000 a year ". The chav says "You're having me on!" The man behind the counter says "Well you started it!"

A bus full of Chavs were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfgogogferrinfourasoch they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one Chav asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"

The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said,

"Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing"

rofl at SoupDragon's posts.

agree with custardo.

I have bought DS a burberry shirt - I don't think that means anything at all except for the fact I think it's got a nice tartanny pattern on it!

agree with everything custardo has said on this thread.

except when she poked fun at the middle classes that is! look custy how is it right to slag off a whole class of society

The only time I've ever heard the word chav actually used in RL was a couple of weeks ago when a new family came to our local church. They were attending for a few weeks so they could have their baby christened and when they left the church at the end of the service, the husband said " Thank god, back to the chav world". Referring to himself.

yeah, Custy, I'm middle class and I've been to a quiz night, so stop stereotyping me.
(I laughed at the 'contained and confused' gag tho)

I know people are trying to agree to disagree on this subject and it has been done a thousand times before but I can't let myself be accused of being a bigot because I laugh at chav jokes.

I laugh at people who dress in head-to-toe Burberry because I think it looks shite. I also laugh at boys whose crotches reach their knees, women whose clothes are too tight etc etc. And so what? Before laughing I don't stop to think about what class they are or whether I am superior. I am laughing at what i think looks funny just as they are probably laughing at me for looking fat / greasy haired / Whitney d /a Britney or anything else. So what? Same goes for laughing at jokes - who is judging who?

What does this have to do with class warfare? Custardo - what is this all about? "becuase i am as common as muck i must be as thick as shit or have criminal convictions - its a slight on people who are common as muck - a whole section of society - those who the daily mail readers try to ignore exist - until two kids with baseball caps lean on a lamp post - them they call thepolice as " they must be doing something wrong" I presume this is a joke? What does this have to do with this subject here?

The most offensive thing on here is Chav defenders suggesting that this is no different to racist or disabled jokes etc. Excuse me? There are still many examples of proper racism in the world and discrimination on the grounds of sex and disbility, never mind looking back at discrimination in history, so jokes on those lines are not funny because they may well represent something more sinister. What the hell does that have to do with blondes / sahm / man utd fans / chavs? Do you really think that if you laugh at chavs choice of clothing then you are a bigot and no better than a racist? Really?

the jokes just aren't that funny either Go custy!

I agree with Tinacolada. I've found most of the jokes on this thread really funny and I don't consider myself to be a bigot. I laugh at anything that I find funny and don't start analysing it. I like Man Utd, I am blonde, and yet I laugh at jokes about those groups. So what? I laugh at Fawlty Towers when Basil hits Manuel. Probably not pc, but I don't care. And I didn't get one of the jokes on this thread because I can be quite dim, maybe because I am blonde. But if someone made a joke out of that, I wouldn't be offended. Each to their own, but I am a bit surprised at some of the comments on this thread.

GDG, you say "In fact, I don't think 'sexist' jokes are anything to get wound up about either" Why not?

But it isn't just about laughing at a particular clothing choice, is it? It's about presuming that people who make those choices have a whole load of other characteristics too - look at the jokes at the bottom - one implies that they are thick, one that they are worthless as people and it's funny if they fall down stairs, a couple that they are criminal. Can you honestly say that laughing at another group 'en masse' isn't about making yourself feel better? And as far as I can see 'chav' and working class are pretty closely aligned - aren't many of the 'chav' clothing/style choices simply a current fairly common (menaing often seen, not 'common as muck') working class fashion?
And in terms of the 'NEET' classification that tigermoth quotes, you are most definitley talking about a disadvantaged, disaffected, discriminated agianst clas of people.

You are more than welcome to explain your pov, TinaColada, and I'm interested to listen to it - but I'm not trying to agree to disagree at all - I'm simply disagreeing!

As far as I understand, there is a big thing at one of our local (grammar) schools between chavs and non-chavs - and it can get quite nasty. Am having trouble stopping kids calling certain family members chav because of their liking for top to toe Burberry (yes I think it looks cheap too but would never stoop to name calling). Having worked in the Chatham area where the term started, teaching lots of kids of travellers, I can see how some people interpret it as a racist term. And I think it's simplistic to assume that young people can have their own style - in my middle class world it's easy to be an individual, but without the confidence that money/education/positive parenting brings individuality often brings ridicule. How much easier simply to dress like everyone else.

Wouldn't it be quicker to just cut and paste whole tracts of text from previous chav threads, and thereby save everyone the time and effort of posting?

ha ha HMC, it would indeed!

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i left this thread open on the computer tonight and dh came up with these gems...

1.What do you call a mumsnetter activist in a box?

offline

2.why was mumsnetter in a filing cabinet?

couldn?t find the PC

3 What do you call a mumsnetter in a box with a lock on it?

offline, but addicted

4. What do you call an Eskimo mumnsnetter activist?

Eskimo (clever moniker no?)

5. Why is mumsnet like slinkies?

It sound really good, but after a few goes it ends up being a waste of time.

6. What do you call a mumsnetter in a white tracksuit?

?Two washing machines?.

7. If you see a mumsnetter on a bike, why should you try not to hit her?

To avoid endless ?hit on my bike? threads.

8. What's the difference between a mumsnetter and a coconut?

One has a tough, hairy exterior and milk inside, the other is a mumsnetter.

9. What's the first question at a mumsnetter quiz night?

?what?s her REAL name??

10. How do you get 100 mumsenetters into a phone box?
    Tell them it?s a free internet connection.

11. Two mumsnetters in a car without any music. Who's driving?

Neither: it?s a Gina Ford.

excellent

pmsl @ Mr Bossykate!

Your hubby is a bit of a wit!

Oooh stop Mr Bossykate, my aching pelvic floor!

This was a thread of jokes, which personally I found funny. I didn't see it as unacceptable which different people are used, I personally found some of Custys versions even funnier But did anyone notice the Coconut joke didn't need to be changed whatever the person type

I have been here for years.

am surprised/shocked at so many PC views. No idea mumsnet was like this. Shows you how much attention I was paying

One of the reasons I love mumsnet is it is considerably less PC than comparible websites. or so I thought.

Manutd and Tinacolada well put

Loved some of the jokes, chav and others. None of them wer offensive . the prolife ones did not even make sense. Not funny, not offensive

hi jasper

as you know, i have been here years too (and have chatted/looked forward to your posts in that time) and in my vho mn was more "pc" in the past - but then "pc" is not a pejorative term for me - to me it means caring and being considerate about the terms and language one uses so as not to offend people. imho, mn has become less and not more caring over the years.

just my 2c.

hope you and the bubs are well.

1. If you see a mumsnetter on a bike, why should you try not to hit her?

To avoid endless ?hit on my bike? threads.

PMSL!

hi bossykate nice to see you. Have you been away or have I been half asleep? (don't answer)

Don't start me on the ways mumsnet has changed as I am in danger of getting recruited for the next series of grumpy old women.

I just can't abide the trivial "chat" threads that have sprung up so should really be grateful that some here are maintaining a serious tone

bubs all alive which is all we can ask, eh?

hope you and yours are well.

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