Chav Gags - Please avoid if you are offended by the word 'chav'

[NomDePlume]

1.What do you call a Chav in a box?

Innit.

2.What do you call a Chav in a filing cabinet?

Sorted

3 What do you call a Chav in a box with a lock on it?

Safe.

4. What do you call an Eskimo Chav?

Innuinnit.

5. Why are Chavs like slinkies?

They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.

6. What do you call a Chavette in a white tracksuit?

The bride.

7. If you see a Chav on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?

It might be your bike.

8. What's the difference between a Chav and a coconut?

One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.

9. What's the first question at a Chav quiz night?

"What you lookin' at?"

10. How do you get 100 Chavs into a phone box?

Paint three stripes on it.

11. Two Chavs in a car without any music. Who's driving?

The police.

Chav walks into the local job centre, marches straight up to the counter and said "Hi, I'm looking for a job". The man behind the counter replies "Your timing is amazing. We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays. The Salary package is £200,000 a year ". The chav says "You're having me on!" The man behind the counter says "Well you started it!"

A bus full of Chavs were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfgogogferrinfourasoch they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one Chav asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"

The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said,

"Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing"

Yes Gomez but I didn't tell you to 'get over yourself love'

So, Gomez, Get over yourself, love.

Ok? We're even.

I would WWW but I am big girl who would have problems with the climb!

Custy, you are a genius, honey.

gomez maybe its a big girl thing as i am one as well

This is my favourite joke

what do you call a thousand banjo players at the bottom of the sea?

A good start.

I have a personal reason for finding tis funny. I have two uncles who throughout my childhood got the banjos out at every family celebration. To us kids this was torture.In a very real sense I am genuinely prejudiced against banjo players. I suspect none of you are bothered by this .onthe other hand I am NOT in any sense prejudiced against chavs but I did find some of those jokes funny

Now will custy start saying " what do you call 1000 sahms at the bottom of the sea?" "what do you call 1000 pro abortion activists...etc..etc.."

no because it does not make sense and is not funny. Why substitute in the chav jokes? It does not make any sense to me at all anymore than substituting in the banjo jokes.

thisis my second favourite joke

What is the definition of a gentleman?

Someone who can play the banjo but doesn't

good jokes manutd

I think you'll find that if you substitute "lawyer" no-one at all will get offended.

sadly dinosaur yourprobably right

Not that sad, custardo, speaking as a lawyer - although obviously there are some good lawyers out there, Louise Christian et al

I support ManU, I am a SAHM and I'm blonde and I didn't find any of the jokes offensive - I'm not easily offended, I see jokes for what they are a joke, not a personal insult.

And to say you can't stay off the thread is just complete rubbish - it's a pretty simple concept really, you saw the thread title and knew you'd be offended so why read it? Just to start an argument? NDP is quite entitled to post a joke that she knows some posters will find funny and if she indicates the subject in the title then it's extremely easy to pass it over if you know you won't like it.

gdg. whilst i appreciate your point and see your POV i dont agree with it as you obviously dont agree with mine.

the argument " if you dont agree with me dont post" is in itself shite and negates conversation.

i find the term as insulting and derivative. as i said before on other threads i think its bigoted. i liken it to sexist jokes and racist jokes and homophobic jokes and i think its wrong.

i would not stay silent if someone i knew made a racist comment or a sexist comment or use any other form of bigotry - even if they had a sign up saying " iam a racist bastard ignore me if you dont want to listen to me" i feel a social duty to relive people of their ignorant and offensive behaviour - even if to them it is funny - many find racist jokes funny - disabled jokes hilarious why is it therefore unacceptable to tell a racist, disabled,homophobi joke but acceptable to put down a whole section of society based on how they look?

Perhaps I misunderstand exactly what a chav is, but people who are disabled or of a particular race haven't chosen that distinction. If you choose to buy a Burberry baseball cap then you are making a statement about yourself.

OK, I see where you are coming from and understand your POV also but I think it's a little OTT when it comes to 'Chavs'. We'll just have to agree to differ - I don't think it comes close to racism or sexism at all. In fact, I don't think 'sexist' jokes are anything to get wound up about either.

on many threads people put " if you dont like it dont read the thread" or " if you dont like it - ignore it" why should people turn a blind eye when they have a different POV? i meanlets face it - how succesful would mumsnet be if threads said " i feed my kids grapes in a supermarket without paying for them - only people who agree i am right comment please"
"gina ford is a childless unknowledgeable cretin her way of working is rubbish discuss...but only those of you who agree withme"
"i think all mothers should go to work rather than pretending they actually do anything but come on mumsnet and watch trisha all day,please post only if you agree with me"

i was under theimpression these were discussion boards - should i post on "site stuff" and ask them to refer to mumsnet as " only if you agree boards?"

do tell - as the joy of mumsnet is that other people have differing views from your own. if indeed this is not your cup of tea - then perhaps a "discussion" board is not for you.

please comment only if you agree with me

I'm posting to say i agree with you, Custy

lady muck -please search the archives as this has tried to be defined many times before. however many people try to disguise it - its an attack on a different class of people. manymnetters will cite to yu "jordan" or someone else as a chav - and they are rich but still as common as muck - which makes them a chav.

i am too common as muck - never ben arrested or in trouble am highly educated and resent the inference that becuase i am as common as muck i must be as thick as shit or have criminal convictions - its a slight on people who are common as muck - a whole section of society - those who the daily mail readers try to ignore exist - until two kids with baseball caps lean on a lamp post - them they call thepolice as " they must be doing something wrong"

if you can help how rich you are and what your culture is when your braught up ladymuck - i would like to know - as from what i have heard if your born into a poorer family with a different culture be that dress culture, music culture - the likleyhood is as a child you will follow that culture to fit in - and by your argument its ok to take the pis out of a cultural thing becuase - what? am not sure but do you mean they should have better taste? they should buy something different? i dont know - correct me if i am wrong but why should they - so that bigoted people dont take the piss?
the whole concept centres around taking the piss. i dont understand why you would take the piss if in some way you didn't feel superior.

lol blu

PMSL at all the jokes

What do you call a MN-er locked in a box?
Cold turkey.

What do you call a pre-schooler locked in a box?
The chance for a hot coffee.

OK. I had thought that "chav" was slightly more specific than that, and was more about a style of dress and code of behaviour - one which is adopted rather than inherited.

I disagree that people have no option to be conditioned purely by their class status when young. Clearly this will be one influence, but there should be others too. People choose to indentify with certain "tribes" by the manner in which they dress, and where they hang out - but this is still a choice.

I was reading an article about NEETS - those Not in Education, Employment or Training - in one of the newspapers at my inlaws' house. The NEETS, according to the article, are a recognised and growing 'underclass' who are seen as posing a real threat to the government. The piece was illustreated with 'chav' models. Whatever your views on this, I think the whole chav joke thing is a nasty and rather sinister bit of popular culture.

Agree with custy that discussion boards are just that - and starting any thread is an open invitation for comment.

I think it is very sinister if the bloody Government is latching onto the idea! Orwellian!

I'm still laughing at SD's coffee joke.