Occupation order hearing next week, panicking

[mamacat612]

Can anyone tell me what my chances are or have any experience of this?

I am divorcing my husband, we have one child. I left the family home with our child to go live with family members due to his angry outbursts.

I asked him within a few weeks to please move out of the home and allow myself and our child to move back in. This is for stability for our child. He refused and said he has no where else to go. This is partially true, we moved to an area to be close to my family when we had our child and his parents and family members do live hours away, I don’t dispute this.

I applied for an occupation order on advice.

He is saying if he is forced to leave the home, that he will have no choice but to move back to parents which means loosing his job, or be homeless.

We both earn similar amounts, neither of us can afford a private rental and paying half the mortgage which I have accepted in my statement.

He is saying in his statement that I can get housing benefit and rent with our child and has done a calculation! Or live with family members but I want our child to be back in the family home. My family members can’t accomodate us long term and it’s crapped as we are in a flat.

He has started financial proceedings for the divorce as we haven’t been able to agree with either the sale of the house or buying each other out.

If I am to move back in I can’t afford the mortgage alone and would need him to still pay his half.

I don’t have any concrete evidence of his angry outbursts other than my statement, no other witnesses. But I can’t move back in and live with him until this is all sorted, his behaviour scares me.

For his part he says we did argue at the end of the relationship, but he denies any angry outbursts or intimidating behaviour.

We are both self representing and there will be a legal advisor at the hearing to ask questions.

Yes she doesn’t HAVE to, but if he doesn’t pay the other half then it will affect her too.

The child’s needs should be paramount.

You have chosen to remove yourself and your child. If your husband was trying to prevent you from returning then the judge would give him short shrift. You don’t want to return, and that is not the court’s problem.

You are the one trying to displace him.

I also worked in family law. Based one what you have said here, you are almost certainly not going to get an occupation order. You may be made responsible for his costs.

He doesn’t have any costs, he is self representing as well.

I had to remove myself and our child, he was aggressive.

But he hasn’t done anything wrong and yet he is expected to move far away back to his parents home and carry on paying for a house for you because you can’t afford that house and you won’t work more

I have family members who can help with the renovations if I move back in.
if it's that small then the renovations money might be equivalent to buying him out. Will they do that instead?

As a single man he has less options, you have a chance of getting housed by the council/ women’s refuge. He doesn’t.

it might order that you occupy separate bedrooms and aren't allowed into each others, and each of you use common areas like the kitchen or bathroom at set times (i.e. 12-1 for you, 1-2 for him

Goodness, how grim does this sound. Op, I think that house needs to go up for sale ASAP. You're now talking about relatives of yours doing renovations for you. Let it go.

My neighbours had to do this when they very suddenly got divorced (one cheated) and the house was painted and decorated very uniquely, so they had to spend a small fortune making it neutral again. But it seems to have worked.

He has, he is aggressive and abusive.

Have people missed where I said I spoke to women’s aid? They said his behaviour was abusive.

a house is only worth what someone will pay for it the arse had dropped out of the market and your house need renovating so I think you need to be realistic
base your figures on what you will get for it not what you need
how much equity is there ?
has it actually increase in value has the been any increase in equity

But why is that ok for a child and mother but not the father?

The court will have costs you could be made liable for.

Without evidence, that is not a claim a judge will give weight to.

Yes you need solid evidence like police reports.

He’s allowed to go out - why are you spying on him????

If he was aggressive that would have been the time to call the police and have him removed. That would have been evidence for a non mol and occupation order. I appreciate it's really stressful but the court won't order him out on the basis of verbal abuse.

You sound like you’re using the term domestic abuse to get your own way. That’s a terrible thing to do. Divorce is painful but don’t make it any more difficult than it has to be

That's not evidence though.

I've been there - gone through MARAC twice (where they judge your risk of murder being high)

I still had to provide evidence - statements, having my phone seized & scrutinized, repeatedly going to a&e to wait to have injuries documented etc etc

‘Speaking to women’s aid’ is not by itself compelling evidence. Anyone with an eye to what they could gain can do that in preparation for a divorce, whether it’s true or not.

If he was aggressive forced you out, that was the time to involve the police.

No sympathy OP and I think you're in for a shock next week.

You need to sell the house, most of not all what you have mentioned has no bearing on what will happen.

Also you're separated, he can see who he wants.

What did children's social care & the police do about those allegations?

Were they investigated? Was he bailed or NFA?

Do you have a statement from your child's social worker?

Detailing it 9n a statement is not the same as it actually happening. Are you saying your family would rather see you homeless than staying with them?

You're really not hearing, OP.

Be careful with not paying the mortgage - arrears will cause both of you to struggle to move on.

You have very little evidence for an Occupation Order. You might get lucky, I guess but you might not.

You are hung up on small details, all of it is he said/she said. Is it reasonable he's at a girlfriends multiple nights a week leaving the house unoccupied? Probably not. But where's your evidence? A judge may want to find in your favour but they don't have much to go on right now.

It's hard. Really hard. Look at the big picture. You need a divorce and the house selling ASAP. You need to get back to work probably.

You’re not listening - if either of you move out, then you cannot be compelled to pay half the mortgage. If you move back in you should be prepared to pay the full mortgage. In the financial order, it’s highly likely that the house would need to be sold unless you can buy out his share. You really need to take the emotion out of this - you have no proveable evidence of abuse, and even if you did, that would change very little.

Your problem isn't getting an occupation order - your problem is that you want to live in a home that you can't afford. You need to sell the house and split the proceeds and move on.

I haven’t read all of the thread but I’m a family solicitor. If you don’t already have legal aid then you need to get it if you’re financially eligible (which I presume you are if you’d be eligible for housing benefit) you can use a letter from the DV charity as your evidence of DA. Ask the solicitor to use delegated functions and get you an emergency LA certificate.