Occupation order hearing next week, panicking

[mamacat612]

Can anyone tell me what my chances are or have any experience of this?

I am divorcing my husband, we have one child. I left the family home with our child to go live with family members due to his angry outbursts.

I asked him within a few weeks to please move out of the home and allow myself and our child to move back in. This is for stability for our child. He refused and said he has no where else to go. This is partially true, we moved to an area to be close to my family when we had our child and his parents and family members do live hours away, I don’t dispute this.

I applied for an occupation order on advice.

He is saying if he is forced to leave the home, that he will have no choice but to move back to parents which means loosing his job, or be homeless.

We both earn similar amounts, neither of us can afford a private rental and paying half the mortgage which I have accepted in my statement.

He is saying in his statement that I can get housing benefit and rent with our child and has done a calculation! Or live with family members but I want our child to be back in the family home. My family members can’t accomodate us long term and it’s crapped as we are in a flat.

He has started financial proceedings for the divorce as we haven’t been able to agree with either the sale of the house or buying each other out.

If I am to move back in I can’t afford the mortgage alone and would need him to still pay his half.

I don’t have any concrete evidence of his angry outbursts other than my statement, no other witnesses. But I can’t move back in and live with him until this is all sorted, his behaviour scares me.

For his part he says we did argue at the end of the relationship, but he denies any angry outbursts or intimidating behaviour.

We are both self representing and there will be a legal advisor at the hearing to ask questions.

this is helpful, thank you. How do I go about that? As I was told I need to pay my half even if I am not there at the moment?
if he doesn’t pay and the mortgage falls into arrears won’t my credit rating be ruined and stop me buying or renting in future?

Did you ring fenced it when buying? So far it looks like you are delaying the sale.

It’s not costing me anything, I am self representing.

His job isn’t a great one, he could get another job surely?

I just can’t get my head around how his needs come before that of our child? Our child needs a stable home?

Lower on purpose - so he can get away from you
more quickly ?

Surprised you want to drag this out, increase animosity, cost you a fortune …

Stupidly, I didn’t. Our marriage was fine until I got pregnant and we moved to be near my family tbh that’s when the behaviour started.

Get away from me more quickly? I left the marriage, he didn’t want it to end?

You all need somewhere to live. Currently you are both adequately housed. Him moving out complicates things catastrophically - I would absolutely expect him to stop paying the mortgage and nursery fees and yes, your credit score will be shit to pieces.

Have you taken any legal advice at all? You are incredibly brave to self-rep but I'm afraid your expectations are wildly unrealistic.

My mind is blown.

You can't refuse to sell the house that he is living in and demand that he makes improvements!!

I'm sure it wasn't pleasant living with him towards the end of the relationship but even from your own account your ex is coming across as the more rational of the two of you. He's even paying you more then he needs to!

I suspect with even more context from the ex the court will refuse all of your requests.

Sorry op. I know it's hard but this is the realistic outcome and the sooner you accept the situation the better. Sort out the devorce asap, split assets 50/50.

You are dragging things out and making it as hard for him and yourself as possible

he may not have wanted this to end but since it has he is being reasonable

your attitude and unreasonableness won’t help your case at all

To be honest you are unlikely to get it back. Just do 50/50 property split. Sell ASAP. It will be less stress for everyone involved. It is not good for the child either. Let’s face it he is not going to move away hours away from his child especially as he is trying to get arranged regular time with his child.

I don’t understand how you are all saying he is being reasonable??? You don’t know anything that has happened since the split, other than us disagreeing on valuations and equity split. Pretty standard stuff in a divorce I would have thought.

He probably wants the lower valuation so he can get a quick sale and move on with life. He hasn't contacted you so it seems pretty clear he has accepted the relationship is over and he wants to move on. It's weird that you are staling it and I think it could be perceived as you wanting to drag things on and make things difficult for him. That is not in the best interests of your child. A quick sale and finding a permanent home for your child should be what you're focused on.

I would be surprised if you got back your deposit as it wasn’t ring fenced. It also comes across that you are delaying the sale. Realistically, renovation work is becoming increasingly expensive and I doubt you will be able to DIY with a young baby. The market is challenging at the moment and if you can’t live in the same home you will need a fairly quick sale so you can both move on. He will need a home for the baby as well as you.

I am also pretty sure he has a new gf and regularly stays away from the house. He removed the door bell camera so I haven’t been able to evidence this properly. He won’t admit it though of course so it can’t be suggested he could move in there. But when I go to the property the fridge is always bare, post piled up, looks unlived in.

What is the % of the equity that you're arguing about? As in how much £££?

Neither of you can afford to complete the renovations and the court will likely order a sale as-is for a sum based on it's current value. You can't waste time or money chasing an inflated valuation on a fairytale renovation that's not going to happen. The house is habitable.

You have to give examples of what happened in these arguments and how they made you feel. Did you feel scared or intimidated by him and his actions or were you just both screaming at each other? Did you leave because you feared he would turn violent? You need to be very specific,

I had to remove myself and baby Johnny from the house because I didn’t feel safe. On X date Mark was unhappy that X happened or that I wouldn’t do Y and was shouting, stomping around, slamming doors, throwing things (a few of these would be enough to show a pattern). This became a regular occurrence happening around X times a day/week. I was scared all of the time and walking on egg shells to not upset him, but even trying to avoid confrontations didn’t help, so I had to leave to protect myself and the baby.

I need to stay in the family home because I am Johnnys primary parent, whilst I could stop breastfeeding, I do everything else, Mark does not do these things. We are currently living with my parents in a X bedroom flat, our baby has no bed there and we are sleeping on the floor/sofa. It’s not safe for a baby to sleep this way…. I have been asked to leave by the end of X (get a letter from them to confirm that, do your parents have any medical conditions etc that make having you and the baby there stressful for them?)

I understand that Mark will struggle with somewhere else to live, however he refuses to sell the home or vacate, but still expects me to pay half the mortgage whilst providing a home for myself and more importantly baby Johnny. I wish to move back to the home to provide stability for the baby whilst the home sells. I wish we could live amicably whilst this happens, but that isn’t possible as I can’t avoid the constant conflict. I have found these rooms for rent in the local area where he could live whilst the house is sold (give examples of ads so the judge could see what it would cost him along with any household bills you could cut to help you both save money to focus on the basics, room rental and mortgage). His expectation that he keeps the home forever whilst I pay half is not realistic and amounts to financial abuse. He earns X and I earn Y. I can claim X benefit which would help me to pay X more on the mortgage so Mark can pay this amount less and put it towards renting a room.

Maybe enquire about a few rooms of your own and if they can’t accept you with a young baby, it will show the court that renting a room is not an option for you.

Add whatever else you can think of and throw it all into ChatGPT. It will tidy it up, remove the emotions and make it sound clear and reasoned (just make sure you read and re-edit anything it may have misinterpreted).

say he removed our child from me in a threatening manner, shouted and was aggressive during arguments.

It sounds like you are reaching a bit here. Courts are not stupid and can tell when someone is laying it on thick. Arguments are to be expected at the end of a relationship and normally it takes two. Men are just louder.
You say you can't work full time because you are breastfeeding.
Sorry breastfeeding is optional but working full time to support your child and pay your bills is necessary. That's just not an excuse.
Unless you can work full time, pay the mortgage i don't think you've got a chance.

Yes that's the risk.

I gave that advice before I read that you were stalling the sale though. That's unreasonable of you. If you refuse the sale AND stop paying the mortgage you would be a dick! You would be forcing him to come up with the mortgage money or ruin his own credit/risk the house without the option of selling which just isn't fair.

He would be forced to take you to court to force the house sale and be a major escalation.

I think if you are taking steps to sell the matrimonial home (because neither of you can afford to buy the other out), you will be able to claim the housing element of UC for 6 months. That's if you don't have (other) assets of more than 16K.

You don't need 'evidence' of how often he goes out, as previous posters have said there's no need for you to be dragging this out, the end result will be less money for you both and a complete waste of time.

Yes he used to slam doors, slam things around, chuck washing for example forcefully, snatch the baby off me forcefully. He has denied this and says that arguments were over parenting and that I excluded him from caring for our child when we were together.

Yes your child needs a stable home. What's stable about moving into a house no one can afford so is inevitably going to be sold or maybe even repossessed because his mum isn't agreeing to the sale knowing full well she can't afford the mortgage?

But if he’s not even properly occupying the house while myself and our child are about to be potentially homeless surely that is relevant? And the fact that he claims to have nowhere to go but is regularly away from the house so he must have somewhere?

I replied before seeing that too.

The house has to go, you may be able to stay there whilst it sells, but you have to accept it’s going. You will be expected to use the equity to pay rent privately if you can’t buy something else. If either of you stop paying the mortgage, both your credit files will be ruined and neither of you will get another mortgage. You’ll also loose equity if the house is repossessed or missed payments need to be made up. There will be lots of fees added for these too.

I can see this thread isn't helping, you're not willing to accept that what you want is simply not going to happen.