Occupation order hearing next week, panicking

[mamacat612]

Can anyone tell me what my chances are or have any experience of this?

I am divorcing my husband, we have one child. I left the family home with our child to go live with family members due to his angry outbursts.

I asked him within a few weeks to please move out of the home and allow myself and our child to move back in. This is for stability for our child. He refused and said he has no where else to go. This is partially true, we moved to an area to be close to my family when we had our child and his parents and family members do live hours away, I don’t dispute this.

I applied for an occupation order on advice.

He is saying if he is forced to leave the home, that he will have no choice but to move back to parents which means loosing his job, or be homeless.

We both earn similar amounts, neither of us can afford a private rental and paying half the mortgage which I have accepted in my statement.

He is saying in his statement that I can get housing benefit and rent with our child and has done a calculation! Or live with family members but I want our child to be back in the family home. My family members can’t accomodate us long term and it’s crapped as we are in a flat.

He has started financial proceedings for the divorce as we haven’t been able to agree with either the sale of the house or buying each other out.

If I am to move back in I can’t afford the mortgage alone and would need him to still pay his half.

I don’t have any concrete evidence of his angry outbursts other than my statement, no other witnesses. But I can’t move back in and live with him until this is all sorted, his behaviour scares me.

For his part he says we did argue at the end of the relationship, but he denies any angry outbursts or intimidating behaviour.

We are both self representing and there will be a legal advisor at the hearing to ask questions.

You have somewhere to stay
he would lose his job if he stayed with his family
how do you expect him to pay mortgage if he loses his job ?

Child or children?

If it’s one child and they’re at nursery I don’t think your “breastfeeding so I can’t work” argument holds much weight.

House on the market asap. Ask your mortgage provider for a 6 month payment holiday and then if your parents’ move to retirement accommodation completes before your own house sells, your choices are move back in, rent or keep begging him to go, but the system does not owe you what you think it does.

I struggle as to how the two of you can’t put your heads together and hatch a plan for the good of your child.

The obvious thing is to sell the house and each take the equity to buy a small flat in a cheap area.

I can’t think of any other resolution that is going to work here, except if he fixes his anger outbursts.

OP you need to pick your battles, he could turn around and demand 50/50 custody and you wouldn't be able to stop itm if he is largely leaving you and the child alone I would take that as a win and sort yourself out. You need a full time job, and to sort housing for you and your child while the divorce goes through

You need to get the house on the market as soon as possible to facilitate a clean break. You can stay with your family in the meantime. If your husband has to move several hours away to live with his family and loses his job, he won't be able to pay his half of the mortgage or any CMS. You need to be pragmatic. Can he afford half the mortgage, rent and CMS? These are things the Court will consider. Even if you think he should move into a bedsit/houseshare, he cannot be compelled to and might move back to his family which will leave you in a worse position. He is correct, you will be entitled to UC, HB, CB and CMS plus at present you do have accommodation. Occupation Orders are relatively rare these days.

A mortgage payment holiday does seem the best course of action while the house is on the market. That would enable both of you to rent locally. Have you asked your lender? Is the house on the market?

This won’t work op, you can’t expect to ban him from his property and pay half the mortgage , and the court to take your word for domestic abuse and statements from your family and mates, it doesn’t work like that, have you not taken legal advice at all?

the house needs to go on the market now. You both split the equity and part ways, or you both live in it till it’s sold,

you can’t prove domestic abuse, as you’ve no evidence of this, and irs his word against yours and of course you’d say that to get in the house and of course he’d say he didn’t to stay in it, so the court will not take it into account.

as such they will see it as your choice not to live there and of course they won’t make him pay for you to do so,

Surely all domestic abuse is one word against the other?

This doesnt sound realistic. You say hes a single man and you have your child. You are also a single woman.

The child is shared.

You both need a home.

If you cant live together, quite frankly.you have somewhere local to go that doesnt mean a loss of income.

I wouldnt be surprised if its thrown out of court.

If your non molestation order is granted would that give you the confidence to move back in until the house is sold?

A family member of mine had to do this - her now ex DP stopped the abuse once it was granted and they essentially lived separately without speaking for 6 months until the house was sold. It was a crap situation but it was temporary and she got to live in her home.

You are simply not listening to people who are giving you good advice here. You blithely say that your husband can leave and live with family, although you accept that means him moving. If he moves away and loses his job, how is he going to continue paying CMS, half of nursery fees and half a mortgage! Be realistic! Get the house on the market now and in the meantime the court will expect you to live together, most likely.

Absolutely no-one wants to minimise abuse but from what you say you have had some loud arguments and shouting between you - that unfortunately includes many marriages in this country! If you find family members to testify to the arguments, you can bet he will find friends and family who will testify that you were both involved. Very few marriages end quietly and harmoniously.

I would rather be on the streets than move back into a house with him!

Unfortunately for you OP what you deem to be fair and what are his legal rights are not the same . You say that you are self representing but maybe you should see a solicitor to clarify for you what your options are . And your ex has to agree .

No it isn’t

sometimes - often - other people have witnessed something. In my case the marriage councillor picked it up

it may be the neighbours hearing things

often the is violence - physical - that leaves marks on a person or on the wall

or it’s just a series of phone calls made over time to a friend or a domestic abuse charity that swings the balance - X phoned me several times in great upset and she sounded really scared

so no sometimes there is history and evidence

And sometimes you just have to walk away and be grateful you are safe even if justice isn’t served

and to be fair lots of women do that - grateful for the escape

So does he.

I am listening to people. The reason I am panicking is because I don’t know what I am going to do if this order is refused.

And I keep being told domestic abuse is taken seriously but then from the comments it seems like it’s not?

Your child won’t be homeless.

bottom line - if you can’t afford to stay in the house then It’s sold and you live somewhere you can afford.

He is as single as you are. And as much of a parent as you are. I usually have sympathy for women who have faced domestic abuse, but you are playing the pity card like a professional.

They measure that on arrests, charges, convictions etc.

The court will have to consider everyone's interests. Yes the child's will be the most important but they will consider his circumstances - if he's several hours away then will that affect contact with his Child. Is that in the child's best interest.

Why was the non-mol refused? You can't just get a non-mol as he has the right to challenge it

The occupation order is not impossible but your chances of getting him to pay are very slim.

You definitely need legal advice & representation.

Stop trying to get the order . It’s wasting your time

with no evidence you focus is in keeping safe not getting justice. And whilst shouting can be a sign of increasing problems - in and of itself it isn’t dangerous

how long can you stay at your parents ? Are there other friends and family you can stay with?

is the house on the market ?

have you arranged a mortgage holiday ?

You're going about this completely wrong.
You won't get to stay in the house AND have him pay half the mortgage.
Either move back in and sell up ASAP and deal with him.
Or ask for a payment holiday so you can rent somewhere until It sells.
I do have empathy for victims of domestic abuse, but he can't be that bad if youre willing to let him have your child weekends etc. Most women who have lived with abusers will fight tooth and nail to keep their kids away from the perp.

It is but harsh as it sounds without evidence of arrests, charges & convictions, medical & child protection it's your word against his.

If he's saying it's arguments on both sides due to a failing marriage & break up then unless you have evidence to back up the violence & abuse then in court it essentially never happened

Rereading your posts, you initially say that you have no evidence of the arguments and aggressive shouting but then later say that you have family and friends who will provide statements attesting to this - which is correct? Have your family really noticed this or are they going to say this in an attempt to be helpful?

Wow. Okay?!

No that's not the case at all.

You have to repeatedly call police, report, give statements, have your injuries documented, have your own phone records scrutinized.

Then go through the lengthy court process to get convictions.

You shouldn’t have moved out. Move back in so your child has a stable home. Get the house on the market now. If he becomes threatening, all the police