Occupation order hearing next week, panicking

[mamacat612]

Can anyone tell me what my chances are or have any experience of this?

I am divorcing my husband, we have one child. I left the family home with our child to go live with family members due to his angry outbursts.

I asked him within a few weeks to please move out of the home and allow myself and our child to move back in. This is for stability for our child. He refused and said he has no where else to go. This is partially true, we moved to an area to be close to my family when we had our child and his parents and family members do live hours away, I don’t dispute this.

I applied for an occupation order on advice.

He is saying if he is forced to leave the home, that he will have no choice but to move back to parents which means loosing his job, or be homeless.

We both earn similar amounts, neither of us can afford a private rental and paying half the mortgage which I have accepted in my statement.

He is saying in his statement that I can get housing benefit and rent with our child and has done a calculation! Or live with family members but I want our child to be back in the family home. My family members can’t accomodate us long term and it’s crapped as we are in a flat.

He has started financial proceedings for the divorce as we haven’t been able to agree with either the sale of the house or buying each other out.

If I am to move back in I can’t afford the mortgage alone and would need him to still pay his half.

I don’t have any concrete evidence of his angry outbursts other than my statement, no other witnesses. But I can’t move back in and live with him until this is all sorted, his behaviour scares me.

For his part he says we did argue at the end of the relationship, but he denies any angry outbursts or intimidating behaviour.

We are both self representing and there will be a legal advisor at the hearing to ask questions.

They didn’t witness him being aggressive or arguments as such but they witnessed the way he spoke to me at times, and some of the incidents of aggression I told them about at the time and was upset.

I mean solid evidence like text messages or police reports etc.

He just says that these people are on my side so of course they will back up what I am saying.

I am not going to pull out of the hearing now as it’s next week and I have nothing to loose? It hasn’t cost me any money.

He was being aggressive I couldn’t live there any more.

The house can’t be put on the market right now, he has gone to the court to sort the financial side of things and we don’t agree on value etc. we’ve both had valuations which are quite different.

Domestic abuse is absolutely not taken seriously. My husband raped me and nearly killed me and our child. But there was no evidence so it's just "allegations" and means nothing.

It's unlikely the court will order him to move out. For anyone in an abusive relationship, the best thing to do is call the police when they are being violent/threatening and gave them removed there and then, and THEN start the process of trying to retain your life. Once you let it all go and walk away, getting it back is near on impossible.

What you are losing is time and energy to focus on the things that need doing
and you are also setting up a very dysfunctional and difficult ongoing relationship with your child’s father which if you want a difficult life for the next 20 years is your choice but not what I would advise

I think to expect him to pay CM, half the mortgage and somewhere for himself to live is unrealistic OP..

You haven’t answered about whether the house is on the market? Or if you have explored the option of a mortgage holiday? Or increasing your work hours?

Not a solicitor (but you haven’t posted in legal so….) but I’d have thought the court would want to see that you have done your very best to enable what you want, but it’s unclear whether you actually have?

As I've said - a report from a domestic abuse service may be accepted as evidence but if it's on the lower end of risk and more situational (end of relationship) than long-standing then it may not be considered sufficient. Police reports are the best evidence.

Then get another one…. Or pay for a surveyors valuation rather than an estate agents. You don’t need to have agreed how the proceeds are to be split before the house can be put up for sale.

He just says that these people are on my side so of course they will back up what I am saying.

Well unfortunately he's not wrong is he? And if that is your only evidence, then it really is "he said, she said".

What age is your child? You really need to try and focus on what is best for them.

How different are the house valuations?

who is holding out for the higher valuation out of interest ?

The court may expect you to let your son live in the house with him in that case if you're refusing what they would see as a reasonable approach. There's no reason technically why you need to be the one with main care of the child

Given you have a young child, did you mention concerns about his behaviour at the time to the midwives, health visitor or doctors or would they have witnessed any concerning behaviour? Would your neighbours have witnessed or heard anything?

Could your husband spend time with the baby at an independent contact centre?

On the house valuation, given neither of you can afford to live there, is there anything stopping you putting the home on the market at the higher price and then agreeing to reduce in a few months if you have not accepted an offer?

why cant you stop breastfeeding and get a full time job?

Sadly you don't actually have any evidence of it. Reports are taken seriously but they cannot upend a person's life and exclud him from his home on the word of someone else - you need corroborating evidence.
Has he always been abusive or has this been since you decided to separate?

That's not fair - you can't judge how bad the abuse was on whether a person is trying to stop contact because anyone living in the real world knows that even abusive parents get contact with their children. My ex was emotionally abusive to me but I still promoted contact with our DS because no contact would have been worse for DS than the limited contact he had. There are no blanket rules here.

I'm not sure what you expect him to do? You have a place with family, if he goes to stay with family he loses his job but you expect him to pay half the mortgage still and I'd guess you'll still want half nursery fees and CMS too. Where's he going to get the money from?
I think you're on shaky ground TBH. No evidence of abuse so nothing stopping him going for custody of the child, which he may well do just to prevent him becoming homeless and/or losing his job. Or he gives up and goes back to his hometown, leaving his job and not being able to cover his share of the mortgage or nursery fees.
You really need to try and come to a sensible and realistic plan between you rather than fighting through courts to try and get all you can.

I want my inheritance back in full, he doesn’t agree.
I am happy with a 50/50 split of equity in principle if it doesn’t include my inheritance.

And the house isn’t on the market as it was a renovation project and I believe there is outstanding work in order to achieve its true value, I don’t believe it can be sold as is where as he does. Either way that is with the court now .

you want the higher valuation ?

I didn’t ask about how you wanted the equity split

you are coming across as combative and irrational

My child is extremely clingy and is suffering with even 2 days a week in nursery at the moment. I do plan to get a full time job in future.

No one has mentioned this as far as I can see op.

You do not have to pay half the mortgage while you are not living in the house op!!!

Just as pp are saying your ex wouldn't have to pay half if he were renting. The same applies to you.

Save the money instead so you can have a nest egg in order to pay a deposit on a rental or to give you some future options.

It may galvanised your ex to sell the house. You need to tell him that you intend to stop paying.

Yes, I want the higher value being honest. I believe he is trying to get it lower on purpose.

Op shouldn't be told to stop bf but assuming she's working pt as DC is in nursery there is obviously some potential for DC having alternative nourishment to bf, so her argument is flimsy on bf alone.

Op you will absolutely be expected to maximise your income by working ft. You may be able to claim some of your childcare costs back if you are eligible for universal credit.

Your stbx will NOT be expected to leave the house if the only option is to relocate to his family several hours away meaning he has to quit his job. That's in nobody's best interests. You both are currently housed, albeit your situation is more delicate.

This could cost you thousands and thousands of pounds in court that neither of you can afford. Do you want to share any figures around your finances so folk can give you a guesstimate as to what you could reasonably expect from the split? (Your potential ft income, his, equity in the home, pensions, etc)?

You can’t afford to maximise the house value unless you are prepared to live in the house with him

no court is going to make him pay the mortgage , not live there and wait for you to “maximise the house value “