Occupation order hearing next week, panicking

[mamacat612]

Can anyone tell me what my chances are or have any experience of this?

I am divorcing my husband, we have one child. I left the family home with our child to go live with family members due to his angry outbursts.

I asked him within a few weeks to please move out of the home and allow myself and our child to move back in. This is for stability for our child. He refused and said he has no where else to go. This is partially true, we moved to an area to be close to my family when we had our child and his parents and family members do live hours away, I don’t dispute this.

I applied for an occupation order on advice.

He is saying if he is forced to leave the home, that he will have no choice but to move back to parents which means loosing his job, or be homeless.

We both earn similar amounts, neither of us can afford a private rental and paying half the mortgage which I have accepted in my statement.

He is saying in his statement that I can get housing benefit and rent with our child and has done a calculation! Or live with family members but I want our child to be back in the family home. My family members can’t accomodate us long term and it’s crapped as we are in a flat.

He has started financial proceedings for the divorce as we haven’t been able to agree with either the sale of the house or buying each other out.

If I am to move back in I can’t afford the mortgage alone and would need him to still pay his half.

I don’t have any concrete evidence of his angry outbursts other than my statement, no other witnesses. But I can’t move back in and live with him until this is all sorted, his behaviour scares me.

For his part he says we did argue at the end of the relationship, but he denies any angry outbursts or intimidating behaviour.

We are both self representing and there will be a legal advisor at the hearing to ask questions.

You have no more right than your husband

you have choices - live with him or live out of your suitcase

you don’t have a choice to throw him out , make him jobless and expect him to pay anything

that’s reality of life during an acrimonious split

Couldn't someone have phoned him?

Of course you need to pay your half if he doesn’t cover it all. You will ruin your credit rating (same as he would).

Sorry but you are wrong. I am not taking my child to live in a house where there is someone aggressive who throws things around. Thats not safe. Seriously.

Hmmmmm!!!!

I hope you've successfully anonomised this thread, as this will be gold dust to him in court this week.

You are coming across as nuts and abusive, an experience judge will, like mumsnet, quickly see through you.

Op please continue being advised by your solicitor not some random online. The majority are wrong anyway. And yes screaming and shouting to the extent you are afraid and feel intimidated and threatened is abuse and it will very much turn on the evidence you have given in your witness statement and any oral evidence under examination. Good luck for next week.

This is a choice. It maybe a valid choice, but it is still a choice,

Myself and my family members absolutely will not be in the house when he is there, how many times do I have to say he is aggresssive

He wouldn’t answer to me or my family. And I couldn’t just have a random contractor turning up to do work when he knew. Nothing about it could I

Oh I love an escalation

it was shouting at you that no one else witnessed

now it’s throwing things and your family acting as witnesses

because you realise at least how weak your initial claims were

Then don’t. That’s on you. A court won’t force you to, but it won’t remove him because you would rather he wasn’t there.

You can hide your number.

What on earth are you on about. You think you a turn uo in court, say anything you please, with no evidence, the other party saying otherwise, and the court just says sure, let’s kick him out, ?? So whomever claims abuse first wins?

You could have behaved like a grown up and arranged 2 or 3 quotes from local handymen like he asked rather than trying to send your family around at a time when this would be totally inappropriate.

You could have also attended with the tradesman for the quotes, and then if he was aggressive as you say he is you would have independent witnesses!

Surely at this point you call the police. Its a joint home and you have just as much right to access as he does, so you are entitled to come and go and do work on the home too. If he refuses you access, you call the police, if he gets aggressive you call the police and then this is also documented.

She said that all along. Please don’t minimise women’s experiences of abuse.

Police won't attend to assist her getting access to the house. Only if she does get access and he becomes aggressive.

trust me I know him he was just being obstructive

You are both being obstructive.

At the moment you are point scoring against each other and both making demands that the other sees as unreasonable.

You want him to make himself homeless in order to pay half of the mortgage whilst you live in the house. Can't you see how unreasonable that is? He won't get offered any form of housing whilst he owns his own house.

You really need to be more flexible and willing to let some things go. Agree to put the house on the market at the lower asking price if he agrees to let your family get the necessary home improvements finished as quickly as possible.

There's no doubt the house will have to be sold so focus on how you can achieve that. Then you can each go your separate ways.

Where’s the money coming from to do the work on the house? Even if you are getting family members to do all the work for free (which would be unusual) you still have to buy materials. This doesn’t make sense. You say you have no money and then suddenly you want to finish doing up the house with all these family members. Can’t you live with some of them if your parents are moving?

The judge isn’t going to give a shit about this thread

OP doesn’t have a solicitor

I've run a few of these and they very much turn on the evidence. The fact you don't understand what is in my previous post says it all really.

Op is being treated horrendously on this thread and it's absolutely shameful.

He says he did argue but denies angry outbursts and intimidating behaviours

which she later calls “shouting at her in front of the child “

I think OP the only option is you move back in and if (when?) he's aggressive / throwing things / scaring you and or your child - you call the police immediately and get it recorded. As well as it being dv recorded, he might be told to leave.