Occupation order hearing next week, panicking

[mamacat612]

Can anyone tell me what my chances are or have any experience of this?

I am divorcing my husband, we have one child. I left the family home with our child to go live with family members due to his angry outbursts.

I asked him within a few weeks to please move out of the home and allow myself and our child to move back in. This is for stability for our child. He refused and said he has no where else to go. This is partially true, we moved to an area to be close to my family when we had our child and his parents and family members do live hours away, I don’t dispute this.

I applied for an occupation order on advice.

He is saying if he is forced to leave the home, that he will have no choice but to move back to parents which means loosing his job, or be homeless.

We both earn similar amounts, neither of us can afford a private rental and paying half the mortgage which I have accepted in my statement.

He is saying in his statement that I can get housing benefit and rent with our child and has done a calculation! Or live with family members but I want our child to be back in the family home. My family members can’t accomodate us long term and it’s crapped as we are in a flat.

He has started financial proceedings for the divorce as we haven’t been able to agree with either the sale of the house or buying each other out.

If I am to move back in I can’t afford the mortgage alone and would need him to still pay his half.

I don’t have any concrete evidence of his angry outbursts other than my statement, no other witnesses. But I can’t move back in and live with him until this is all sorted, his behaviour scares me.

For his part he says we did argue at the end of the relationship, but he denies any angry outbursts or intimidating behaviour.

We are both self representing and there will be a legal advisor at the hearing to ask questions.

No, it isn’t.

It’s not that OP can’t live with him, it’s that she doesn’t want to.

You can't expect him to move out, and either loose his job and become homeless but stay is the area where he can maintain a relationship with his child OR move out, loose his job, move home with his parents and loose his relationship with his child.

The house needs to be sold or he needs to buy you out as you can not afford it. The child needs a relationship with both parents.

The value of the house, is what is is now, not it's potential as a shared renovation project, you have decided to end the relationship, any shared projects end with it.

And you both sound as bad as each other, he was shouty, you want everything your way, he shouldn't be shouty, but I think just reading your thread would make a lot of people shouty (especially 'your' ring doorbell!!).

Living in fear is bad for your health. Living in that toxic environment is also bad for the child.

Glad I'm not the only one who has noticed what the OP has said points towards her being the perpetrator.

Several things she has posted are none of her business such as a potential girlfriend or not getting a better job etc.

I think that the problem is that some behaviours which are abusive over time are, unfortunately, rather common at the end of a relationship.

So far as I understand the situation you moved close to your family into a renovation project.

Your relationship has broken down.

You moved out.

You are trying to maximise equity in the house by delaying it's sale.

You expect you husband to pay half of the mortgage whilst not living in the house while you do this.

You don't want to work full time and somehow expect husband or state to accommodate this.

The major issue is the end points. You cannot expect you husband to pay mortgage for some unspecified length of time to make the most of the house. You also don't get to choose not to work.

A court will look to roughly put you where you were before the relationship. Your inheritance will be taken into account but roughly speaking the court looks to split the equity in the prepositions put in. Ongoing orders for maintenance or support would be very unlikely.

You being RP will be dealt with by CMS not the divorce.

Tbh though, you do need to realise or acknowledge that the court don’t care if he’s selfish. They don’t even care if he’s abusive, unless you are in immediate evidenced danger. They’re not there to care about whether adults are arseholes. It’s none of their concern

Not shouty. Aggressive. Aggressive snatch the child away - which is abusive towards the child too. Women’s aid confirmed his behaviour is abusive.

No matter what you think of the OPs choices, please don’t minimise abuse.

He is not a single man. He is married with a child.

No one is saying that those things are not abuse.

The difference is what you can prove.

DA is harsh & you have to relentlessly report everything to police. Every time he approaches your home you need to call police, every abusive text , every unwanted contact.

Unfortunately it's the evidence that counts not what actually happened.

I would sell the house & get a non molestation order. That way you can get an intermediary for anything to do with the child. That will protect you & the child better.

Womens aid agreed that what the OP told them was abuse but she could have told them anything and it doesn't mean anything in court anyway.

So I am the perpetrator of abuse now? Seriously come off

And what did you do for your own part, op? Stood and smiled? I don't think you're remotely as innocent as you've trying to make out, and most posters here are seeing through you.

I am an actual former victim of domestic abuse, so don't you dare try and tell me how it is.

He is seperated so yes single and free to pursue a relationship, he doesn’t need to wait till the divorce is finalised, and I don’t understand what having a child has to do with his relationship status.

My point still stands.

I don’t believe the house can be sold in its current state. There are no skirting boards, door handles missing, no stair carpet etc etc.

Ifnit was marketed in its current state it would take ages to sell I imagine.

it makes more sense to me that I can move back in, finish the work and market it.

I’m sure you’re not, but arguments are common when a marriage ends, and if you play both sides yes it could be seen as abusive thay you’re leveraging these accusations in an attempt to get money and the house.

You're dreaming if you think a lack of skirting board or doors etc will stop it from selling.

No one is minimising abuse but we only have the OPs word. What she has described I think is not coercive, physical or mental abuse. She has constantly described 1 incident which seemed to escalate which obviously is not acceptable at all. We also don’t know what she’s told Women’s Aid. That fact that all this abuse is happening and her parents are seemingly happy to sell up and leave her too it.

And it makes more sense to him he keeps living there, what’s your point.

Women's aid confirmed OP account of the event could be classed as aggressive, the police and courts are not involved.

At the start of the thread I would have given OP the benefit of the doubt, as would women's aid, and taken her account at face value, but the more of the thread I've read the more I am leaning towards it being 50/50 with both of them behaving like dickheads, or even OP being the perpetrator.

You cannot force him to move out but you can force him to sell it or buy you out. You could have stayed and reported him to the police at the time. But I understand safety was you number one priority at the time. You can present yourself as homeless at the council and they’ll offer you temporary accommodation in the form of a hotel room. They’ll place you on a higher band on the housing list but it will still take a while.

An unpleasant environment in the home is to be expected when a relationship breaks down. It isn’t optimal, but it isn’t abuse.

Nothing you are saying negates the fact that without evidence of abuse, it is her choice not to return to the house.

My parents have to sell up, my father is in ill health and can no longer work, their finances have been affected.

I’m also starting to think the op is egging this up in an attempt to get money and into the house,

His excuse in his court paperwork for snatching our child away is apparently he didn’t snatch them, he just took them which I didn’t like as I was controlling over ththem child and didn’t let him have any input into their care or parenting. Which is simply ridiculous I literally begged him for help with them, he never did night times, took them for a walk or anything. Barely changed a nappy.