My abusive ex is now my police force’s domestic abuse lead

[tobeindoit]

I was in an abusive relationship for four years in my early 20s. It was never physical, but he coercively controlled and abused me. He would repeatedly call me a slag and a slut. He made me afraid to speak to my friends. He tried to stop me going out with my family. He controlled what I wore and how I acted. He’d punch walls around my head.

I’ve just read an article about an awful case of domestic abuse, and there he is, quoted as the domestic abuse lead. I don’t know how to feel. I probably should be angry but I almost feel wryly amused. Of course they’ve made an abusive man the domestic abuse lead.

So angry on your behalf What a fucking tosser

Had they known what record? At the end of the day a possibly spiteful ex would be making unsubstantiated claims about his previous behaviour. I'm sure he would have been investigated thoroughly, I doubt it's worth getting upset it about so many years on.

Is it worth her risking her own well being and peace of mind to do something that will almost certainly make no difference to PC Dickheads career? No.

However do you really believe that it is "not worth getting upset about"? That implies that @tobeindoit is over reacting in a "oh ffs....it was years ago, just get over it" way.

She is a survivor of abuse who now knows that if she is ever abused again or if her female friends, relatives, daughters are ever abused, the man in charge of investigating their abusers is HER ABUSER. How dare you suggest that that is "not worth getting upset about"?!

Investigated thoroughly? You think they investigate whether a man is coercively controlling?

And you don’t think it’s worth getting upset that a man who domestically abused you for years is now leading on domestic abuse for your police force?

Thank you. That was an extremely odd comment.

my female so called close friend for most of my life is very senior in a police service leading in VAWG. we are no longer friends after she minimised the significant abuse i experienced in my marriage, the ongoing post separation abuse i was suffering, the weaponisation of my children causing them harm and completely dismissed my disclosure of multiple rapes and sexual assaults by him as something i just need to move on from. i am just about to withdraw my report of these to the same police force because with her in charge providing that ‘leadership’ on how they are handled, what’s the point? it will go nowhere and i will be further traumatised by the experience.

How awful.

Sounds like it’s not just a few bad apples in the police VAWG departments.

this is an excellent idea - it’s run by Harriet Wistrich the partner of Julie Bindel. You’ll have privacy in your report. I wouldn’t trust the police enough to report it to them directly.

Thank you. I’ll have a look at it but there’s no evidence and he would know it was me regardless of whether it was anonymous.

I actually think this is far common than people know, its abuse of power while these monsters are hidden in plain sight.

& the church…

It does seem to be very common if this thread is anything to go by.