I work nights and my family don’t seem to understand I need to sleep

[cometsgoat]

I work permanent nights 4 nights a week, 10pm till 6am. Been doing it about 2 years now and generally it suits me and the money is better than when I was doing days. Problem is I dont seem to be able to get a decent amount of sleep without it becoming an issue at home.

I get home about half 6, have a shower and something to eat then go to bed around 7.30. Usually try and sleep till 2ish before getting up. My partner works part time in a school kitchen so she’s up early with our youngest who’s 4. Her daughter is 15 and obviously has school and her own things going on. I’m not expecting the house to be silent all day but the tv can be heard in our bedroom, doors banging, shouting up the stairs etc. I’ve asked if they can just keep it down a bit while I’m asleep but apparently I’m expecting everyone to tiptoe round me.

Saturday was the latest argument. I’d finished my last shift that morning and went to bed expecting to get a few hours in. My partner had arranged for her daughter to have a friend round and they were watching tv downstairs. It woke me up twice so I went down and asked if they could turn it down a bit. My partner got annoyed with me for coming down and said they were just trying to have a normal Saturday and I couldn’t expect everyone to sit in silence because I work nights.

I do understand that the house is meant to be lived in and I’m not saying the kids can’t make any noise at all. There’s a difference between normal noise and having the tv blaring though surely. I work to help pay the bills and the extra money from nights makes a difference to us so its not as if I’ve chosen to do this for no reason.

The other issue is my partner thinks I should be getting up earlier at weekends instead of sleeping half the day away. I have tried it and I’m absolutely knackered by the evening. I want to spend time with them as well but I also need to sleep at some point.

She says I should get better earplugs or sort the bedroom out rather than expecting everyone else to change what they’re doing. We do have curtains that block most of the light and I’ve tried earplugs but I can still hear things, especially if someone is shouting.

Am I being unreasonable to expect them to keep the noise down for a few hours while I’m asleep? I dont expect the whole house to revolve around my shifts but I dont think asking for a bit of consideration is unreasonable either. Just interested in what other people with night shift partners do really.

I agree, that post was utterly unreasonable.

It is well known that night shift workers are endangering their health. Imagine begrudging them adequate sleep - which it does not seem the OP is getting even at the best of times.

ChatGTF
That is a great post.
I worked night's for ten years taking 999 calls.
I agree that people don't understand how much life goes on at night and the grief you get from people for daring to sleep in the daytime. i used to explain that I had done a 12 hour night shift.
Another thing that used to annoy me is people expecting you to go to bed straight after a night shift. Day workers surely wouldn't do that.

This was 2001 to 2003 before so called gentle parenting

Exactly I said the same thing IRL You wouldnt expect someone who finished at 5.30pm to be in bed by 6,30pm

The absolute disrespect for nightshift workers on this post is horrific. If you have a heart attack in the middle of the night you’ll all be wanting the paramedics, ambulance technicians, nurses, receptionists, doctors, surgeons to be just as capable as if you had one during the day but half on you don’t think they deserve a decent sleep

JenniferBooth
So many of my relatives and friends didn't seem to understand that I didn't want to go straight to bed after my night shift. I got bored of explaining it in the end.
I would often have a meal and a glass of red wine to wind down, especially after a really stressful shift. I'm not saying every night shift worker should do that but I always had a good sleep afterwards.😀

I haven’t read all the replies - when my husband works nights we have a deal that we can make reasonable noise early in the morning (upto about 11am) because that’s when he’s in deepest sleep and doesn’t disturb easily. After 11am until he wakes up he disturbs really easily so we are extra quiet. He usually wakes up anytime between 11am-2pm. I don’t mind being quiet for those couple of hours, it’s just respect, he needs to be awake and rested to do his job overnight. We did this when the kids were young too, I’d take them out or we’d do quiet activities.

Yes this. I'd tell them one more time be quieter or you'll go back to working days and there will be less money for them.

WT Actual F.

HangingOver
I can only surmise that that poster had been at the gin bottle from early on in the day!😀

Pontificating about when the OP is reasonable to get up also neglects to mention when the night shift ends. I did find it easy to get straight into bed but even so, working until 6am meant I was in bed by 7.30am at the earliest - an hour’s commute and the basics of getting out of the door at work and coming home and cleaning my teeth etc. Add eight hours to that and you get to 3.30pm. I would generally get up at 3pm. After all, no-one thinks it’s unreasonably lazy to go to bed at 10.30pm and get up at 6.30am, do they?

It works for you but not your family. They can’t just be quiet all through the holidays and weekends. Unless it’s outrageously more money, the lower pay for doing day shifts is the price you pay for a job that works with your family 🤷‍♀️
not saying this is the case but I find some men prefer shift work like this because they get out of the drudgery of parenting; the school runs, getting ready to go out, making meals, bedtimes etc and use the excuse of shift work. Your partner might ‘only’ work short shifts but she’s also providing childcare as your 4 year old doesn’t need wrap around childcare or school holiday childcare and your teen has someone at home when they get in. The cost of holiday clubs can be huge so you’re saving by her working term time only!

I think the rest of your household are being very selfish!
it’s not hard to be quiet

Nights are brutal and they are being pretty selfish in not accommodating your need to sleep. It's not like you are trying to lie in after a night out on the town. I think you need to be really clear with them about the things you would all have to go without if you have to go back to day shifts. I could never get on with earplugs but find sleepbuds really good. You can play relaxation music through them which helps block out the noise. I can recommned Soundcore ones which aren't too expensive and are very comfortable in the ear.