Broken leg - now know friends and family don’t care

[Currentlylaidup]

I broke my leg a couple of weeks ago. It’s been horrendous. I live in a townhouse so lots of stairs. Trying to get to the bathroom with a cast has been awful. Trying to do anything has been awful.

I have 2 dc and a DH. DH has had to take time off work because although 1 DC can walk to school the other was being driven by me everyday to a different school. I obviously can’t drive so DH has to do it.

My mother lives literally round the corner from me as do other relatives including my brothers. I had to beg my mother to drop my DC at school and pick them up 2 days last week. She is 65 retired and healthy. Even though she lives round the corner I haven’t seen her in days. When I got back from hospital she did drop in a sandwich for me once and that was it.

Ive had text messages from various relatives saying how sorry they are. No offers of support. Nothing. Lots of lovely messages from people who I thought were good friends but that’s it. No practical help.

I feel so alone. I can’t weight bear so can’t do anything practical and DH is run ragged working full time, looking after the DCs and trying to stay on top of the housework. How lovely I keep thinking if we had some support from our families.

I know I’m feeling sorry for myself but it’s times like these when I wish I was surrounded by a loving family who want to help. If it was my grown up daughter going through this I’d be there for her.

Right. So you’ve changed what you originally said about sending the text before you discover if you actually need help or not.

I’ve literally said we are paying packers and movers

So why are you incapable then? you still havent explained why you are unable to bung stuff in the washing machine or batch cook now

Alright I’m wondering aloud about what I might do - geez.

This thread is so depressing. Do people not care about their loved ones or help other people?

I’m not debating this with you anymore. People experience pregnancy differently. I’m really sorry that you seem to have no one in your life to call on in your time of need but we do and we will be benefiting from it while you continue to be a martyr and struggle on by yourself. Goodbye.

Why is everyone talking about having babies? This is a broken leg situation, no infant going without food or pregnant mother in distress. If a friend told me they had broken a leg I would commiserate but wouldn't think they needed help unless they said so.

Hope you feel stronger and better soon.
It Will get easier and better soon. X

Yup, all the time. What they don’t do is send out a list of demands in advance that they are perfectly capable of doing themselves.

@AllIwantForChrismasIsAKitchenAidStandMixerreperatedly telling posters who don’t agree with helplessness that they have no proper friends is a really nasty thing to do. I’m gonna hazard a guess that everyone you’ve responded to with the passive aggressive ‘oh I feel so sorry for you’ has absolutely plenty. Just they can put a wash on themselves.

Unnecessary and rude.

Sending out a demanding list on advance needing help is creating drama.

@arethereanyleftatall

Indeed. I have a great circle of lovely friends.

I just dont take the piss which is why they are still my friends 😉🤣

I would be utterly mortified to ask them to scrub my toilet or to batch cook for me when I know these are things I could easily do myself in preparation

Ive been ill for ages. I was vomiting all the time and could hold down food. I lost 2 stone. Id been to A&E on the bus on my own. I couldn't hold down water in the end. I got admitted to the hospital and had emergency surgery. I was in a terrible state. I come close to dying. Ive had some concerned texts and phone calls but no offer of help. I haven't had visitors, apart from my parents, or care packages. Ive decoded to reevaluate because im always tge first person doing stuff and offering support. It's hurtful and lonely when you realise its one sided and not reciprocal.

Sorry, but I just don't understand how I'm infantilizing OP. If anything, she's infantilizing herself. The only thing she's really stated clearly is she wants her mom to come and make her tea. She wants help from her friends but won't ask. She thinks they should know. Well, that's why she's hearing crickets.

Of course an adult can work and take care of a home and kids and provide food and care for their spouse with a broken leg. There have been people in this thread who have made really good suggestions.

I get it's hard to move around if she's got a full leg cast on but she's got to do it because bedrest is going to cause serious complications, especially if it's her femur she broke. She's not completely immobilized. She wants help but refuses to reach out, so she's not going to get the help she wants.

Im meant to be having a planned surgery in a few months. It needs to be delayed now because of the emergency. I won't be having it. I was promised care, food, household cleaning and childcare when I had that procedure. It didn't appear with an emergency so I cant see it happening with a planned procedure.

I feel awful for you. Of course they should be supportive. I hope you feel better soon 🌺 I had an operation and was very ill. Everyone knew but didn’t check in on me, which hurt. I’m always the one running around after family and it wasn’t reciprocated. My BIL knew yet ignored it when he popped in to borrow something. Talked about his poorly elbow. Husband told him, Ethel had an organ removed. He paused then continued to talk about himself! My daughter said, what an arsehole! Just remember when your mum
needs help! She gets a sandwich and a text message too! 🌺

But surely it’s easier for whoever promised you this childcare, food etc to be able to plan it in advance if it’s a planned procedure? I mean, if you suddenly needed daytime childcare tomorrow at dawn because you were having emergency surgery I couldn’t do it, but if I knew you were going to need some on January 22nd to 26th, then I could move things around.

No, you wanted everyone to agree that people are big meanies because they're not queuing round the block, notepad in hand, asking you exactly what you need.

Just text them and ask for specific tasks to be done as required. Simple.

Everyone will automatically assume your husband is looking after you, since that's what happens normally.

Yep. All of this.

She's had plenty of people sending nice messages to her, so her response should have been "Thank you, could I ask you a favour, would you mind picking up my prescription from the Chemist this afternoon?" and etc.

Everyone will assume her husband is doing what is needed. Because he should be, and that's how it generally works. And nobody will know what other help she's got in place already.

She just needs to ask for specific things she needs.

Really, I believe OP just wants her mum to come round and take over all duties for a month or so. She's firmly in the camp of "make excuses for my husband and blame the womenfolk for not being telepaths".

I havent had 1 visit in 5 weeks. They know I can't lift anything heavier than the kettle following the surgery.. Talk is cheap. You know where you stand from actions not words.

Do you think that because a knee scooter wouldn't be able to get someone upstairs in the average house, they should just give up on moving anywhere else easily and freely? Depending on the injury, a knee scooter can get someone around the whole bottom floor of a house, outside, along streets, in elevators, on a bus, in a taxi/car, shopping malls, visiting friends, restaurants, literally anywhere that is wheelchair friendly.... of which there are many places.

Or do you think anyone who can't get up the stairs in the average house should just give up on moving anywhere else as well? Geez - "Don't give anyone a wheelchair because they can't get upstairs in the average house with it - no point in them being able to move around anywhere else either." 😂

Christ, you sound like Eeyore.

OP, you have all my sympathies. It sounds shit and you want someone to see your suffering and help in a way that doesn’t make you feel worse. But, you don’t like asking for help which probably means you give off pretty independent vibes ( I am that person too) so you really truly do need to ask for help. Ask a good friend to do a meal train. Tell your mom you are struggling really badly and need someone to do xyz. If she’s not supportive, try someone else. Maybe she doesn’t want to drive your kids but she’ll do something else. Or get your DH to do it.