Broken leg - now know friends and family don’t care

[Currentlylaidup]

I broke my leg a couple of weeks ago. It’s been horrendous. I live in a townhouse so lots of stairs. Trying to get to the bathroom with a cast has been awful. Trying to do anything has been awful.

I have 2 dc and a DH. DH has had to take time off work because although 1 DC can walk to school the other was being driven by me everyday to a different school. I obviously can’t drive so DH has to do it.

My mother lives literally round the corner from me as do other relatives including my brothers. I had to beg my mother to drop my DC at school and pick them up 2 days last week. She is 65 retired and healthy. Even though she lives round the corner I haven’t seen her in days. When I got back from hospital she did drop in a sandwich for me once and that was it.

Ive had text messages from various relatives saying how sorry they are. No offers of support. Nothing. Lots of lovely messages from people who I thought were good friends but that’s it. No practical help.

I feel so alone. I can’t weight bear so can’t do anything practical and DH is run ragged working full time, looking after the DCs and trying to stay on top of the housework. How lovely I keep thinking if we had some support from our families.

I know I’m feeling sorry for myself but it’s times like these when I wish I was surrounded by a loving family who want to help. If it was my grown up daughter going through this I’d be there for her.

Sorry about your injury. I broke three ankle bones and had surgery and was non weight baring for a very long time - 7 weeks.
Do get occupational health help and tell them how many hours you are on your own each day. Toilet seat riser, bed handle things for getting out.
Agree with others that should be on same floor as a toilet. Watch TV on phone or laptop if needs be.

And sorry but spell it out to your mum what you'd like her to do.

As others have said, ask for help. No one likes to ask others but needs must.

One day you may just realise how awful your message is. I hope when that day comes, your family and friends have more compassion than you.

He isn’t useless! He comes home after a day at work, does dinner, hoovering and then everything over the weekend. He’s knackered too. I don’t think he could be expected to do more.

OMG he comes home after work and does dinner and clears up?! Someone start a gofundme!

Lots of women (including me) do that every single day. It's hardly worthy of a medal.

How appallingly misogynistic

He’s also looking after his wife! She would no doubt do the same for him

He’s also looking after his wife! She would no doubt do the same for him

Is he though if she needs help from others & he is at work?

Im so sorry you havent had the support you need from family and friends.
Dont be dispondent that others think you should just get on with it,its easy to say that when you arent in that situation.
Ive been where you are and i understand how let down you feel.
I was in your situation and was recently widowed so my DH couldnt help!
I just wanted what you want some practical help from family and friends.
Some wont feel much sympathy and would feel your husband should be the one to get on with it and support you more. Many women have fulltime jobs caring responsibilities and mange children. I do understand the pressures and perhaps you should consider asking your immediate family for specific help? i know that is difficult if you usually dont do that. Good luck.

Apparently he isnt if OP wants others to help her

You are infantilising OP to post that, she knows her friends and knows their capacity to help ...and they haven't.

Why else would she post, you are bringing your issues to her post.

You think she'd be railing against abd hurt by the lack of help from friends who work FT and a retired and active, nearby Mum? Just for fun?

To write about the demands of being FT just dismisses OPs stated facts and experience of her situation, it's just insulting and twisting what OP has already explained.

He is still looking after her after work by helping to do the things she can’t do during the day.

Your mum is behaving as my mil would. She wouldn't give any practical help unless I actually asked even if it was to help her own son out. My own mum would have travelled 4 hours to stay with me and filled my freezer.

I would speak to your dh and ask him to take some time off work either using dependent leave if that's possible for a spouse? If not, then he needs to request wfh or use up some of his holidays. If he isn't able to do any of that then he needs to arrange for a cleaner at least once a week till you are in a better position and needs to make simpl meals perhaps using hellofresh or similar. If it was me I'd outright ask your parents or inlaws to make freezer meals that you know your children will eat whilst you aren't able to cook. In addition if mum is retired or able to I would ask that she does all pick ups for the next 6 weeks with your dh doing the school drop offs.

Instead of getting upset or resentful be clear about what type of support you need and ask. Firstly though I would speak to your dh about how he can support you better and where he feels some help is needed.

Best of luck to you op.

But friends presumably are also working full time and many will have their own kids. What help can they give that DH can't?

I broke my wrist quite badly a few years ago. It was an eye opener in terms of how much I suddenly couldn’t manage.
So I’d be explicit in telling people what help you need and when. Then hopefully a few will get in touch for support.

@Currentlylaidup, it depends on which part of your leg is broken, but would you be able to use a knee scooter? These are great for getting around on only one leg, as long as you can kneel on the other.

www.amazon.co.uk/knee-scooter/s?currency=GBP&k=knee%20scooter&ref=glow_cls&refresh=1

So why does she want help from others rather than just company?

Doesn’t seem very practical for the average house!

If she had help with housework and cooking etc during the day, her husband wouldn’t have to do it when he comes home . He needs a break too!

How are her friends meant to do that if they are all working and have their own childcare to sort out too?

No, what most people are saying is 'ask for the help that you need'. You don't like to ask and don't feel that you should have to ask, you want/expect people to know and to offer help. Perhaps you're right to an extent. Your mum (and dad?) just around the corner and presumably doesn't work, so it's reasonable to expect her to pop in. Friends wouldn't necessarily offer, as they would assume that your DH and mum have it covered - plus they will likely have work and families of their own to juggle. It also depends on what help is needed. You mentioned doing the school run, but that requires someone who either isnt working or doesn't have DC of their own. If DH doesn't have annual to take, he should be entitled to parental leave or carers leave, although this is unpaid. You could get a cleaner temporarily.

How am I infantilizing her by stating facts that most people work and have many demands on their time now and aren't available to do ADL and home health care and chores for a friend in her home? She wants some kind of help from friends and family and she won't ask. Her husband isn't expected to ask his friends, why not? Her husband is there and I would bet most people think that's enough. There's been tons of good, practical suggestions in the thread.

She wants people to magically know what she wants and offer that help and that's not going to happen. So she needs to deal with the reality of her situation no matter what her feelings are. Ask for help or find other solutions or just be mad and upset. Her mom is close by, but has OP actually asked her to take the one kid to care or help in the home with housework or ADL?

What, you mean like billions of women do every day?!?

Oh so he needs help.

In which case he needs to ask!

Then this is on you. They obviously know you’re used to just doing things on your own, perhaps you have refused help in the past.

Ask for what you need. They aren’t mind readers.

Do you really think he should be off work for 6 weeks ( at least) without pay? Bugger the bills , the roof over their heads or feeding the children.