Annoying man on train

[Weeeheee]

A couple joined DD(20) and I at our table.

I prefer the aisle seat, so moved to let the man onto the window seat. "You expect ME to sit in there?" I nodded and smiled. He didn't seem happy.

He then joined in with DD and I's crossword clue discussion. He then had the gall to start telling DD the answers to clues he read in the puzzle book that she hadn't even got to.

He wouldn't stop talking at DD, and I was figuring out how to politely tell him to butt out, when his wife/partner said "This is like your dream (to him). I bet he's annoying the heck out of you though. (To me)"

I smiled and said " yes, it is annoying".

I thought that should be enough, but no, the man carried on dominating DDs attention. I sat back, told DD to ask me when she got stuck, and thinking about how to phrase "STFU" when DD said "I thought we were having a lovely time doing this together"

I replied " So did I, but this man won't stop interfering"

He finally got the hint, well his partner did, shoved his own crossword at him, and told him to be quiet.

5 minutes. That's all he could keep quiet for. He just couldn't stop looking at DDs puzzle book, telling her the answers, inserting himself into our conversation.

I asked him directly if he could please stop. Again, 5 minutes of quiet, then leaning over to read the clues, and tell DD the answers. His partner kept telling him to stop, which gave brief respite, but he couldn't help himself getting stuck into our conversation.

We couldn't move away from him, as the train was full. DD didn't want to stop puzzling, so we put up with him, but oh my word!

How on earth would you have dealt with him?

The diagonal sitting is a deliberate passive aggressive way of putting people off sitting in the empty spaces when there may be other seats available thus keeping the table to themselves for as long as possible until the train is too full.

OP knows she has no right to the whole table but knows how to take advantage of many people’s reluctance to ask others to move. It’s no better behaviour than manspreading really.

How was he even seeing the book? To answer clues further down.

You see I am imagining you are sitting 2 facing 2. (across from each other) - and you said he was sitting next to you.

You don’t think it’s rude to force a seating arrangement such that two separate couples have to talk across each other on a train journey? Really?

And to put it simply, if someone is rude to you, yes, it’s pretty reasonable to be rude back. That’s how I operate anyway. I’m polite to everyone unless they are rude to me in which case (barring I can see they have an obvious excuse - learning disability, emergency etc) I stop being polite. I think that’s quite usual.

If we are being asked to judge who was ruder in this situation, I would say OP as she started it 😂

🤔

I don’t think it’s rude because there is more than one competing desire

a wants a window seat facing forward - perhaps to prevent travel sickness
b wants an ailse seat facing backwards - to help with a knee problem and perhaps also travel sickness ( I do get bad travel sickness - I may be uncommon in that I don’t know )

someone wants them to move so they can sit opposite their partner - perhaps also for valid reasons

there are competing needs and wishes. It’s not a simple “you have to sit facing each other “

I have to say this thread is MN at it’s finest for me. Minute dissection of a fairly trivial and ultimately unimportant social interaction with thoughtful analysis of both OP’s and the other protagonist’s actions and motives from all angles. Excellent stuff.

I do hope OP gains some insight from people’s thoughts.

Probably hoping it would put others off sitting there

Did your daughter tell him to stop? She should have put the book away. Not much else you could have done. There are some people who are just insufferable.

I’m supposed to be writing reports for work but this is a perfect procrastination aid. Why be productive and make the rest of my working week easier when I can dissect a crossword puzzle interactions and pin point the breakdown of society

😂

That’s fine you can sit like that if you want. But ideally don’t then talk over the other couple you forced to sit in a way they cannot easily talk to each other. As I said earlier there’s no way to know what would have happened had the daughter and OP not been discussing the clues across the table. He may have taken this as a cue he could join in. If the OP and daughter had stayed silent OR allowed him to sit next to his partner so he could talk to her then this whole thing might not have happened. It might have. It might not have. But there’s no way to know. At the end of the day the other couple were put in an unusual position where they were not able to talk easily to each other so he talked to the person opposite about an interest he had instead.

It's not clear what Op's daughter wanted. She might have appreciated the comments he was making.

They could have sat side by side.

What amazes me is that at no point did any one of the 4 adults at the table speak out loud to say that the easiest solution would be for OP and the wife to swap seats. All of this could have been avoided with the suggestion that is so obvious to every poster on this thread.

You're her mum (possibly know her better than anyone in the world?) and you couldn't even tell if she was enjoying it or not. Is it unreasonable to think that he might have read her chattiness as her enjoying them doing the puzzle together?

And if he didn't know you were together, from his perspective, you're just a random other person at the table calling him annoying and also trying to join in on doing the puzzle.

Extremely weird to sit diagonally like this. Yes I commute by train daily. This is weird. He was rude.

Two things can be true at once. Yes the man was annoying and rude but you also created an odd seating arrangement which probably contributed to the situation.

Your daughter should have sat next to you, there was no reason for him to sit next to you, the whole situation was avoidable, he was rude but it started out badly,

The man is rude and stupid, and you I'm afraid are rude and entitled

Maybe if the train was empty when op got on they thought, hopefully, sitting diagonally would put people off sitting at the table, I would either sit opposite each other or next to each other.

@TrainEtiquette - I didn't do an advanced search - your username made it obvious you'd name changed just for my thread. Your words have confirmed you did. Thanks sweetie. Loving your commitment to hiding behind a new username.

THANK YOU @MrsDanversGlidesAgain !

@PacificState - my response isn't "I'm alright Jack" it's if you would prefer a different seating configuration, then ask the other people for it. DD would have happily moved to the aisle seat if one/both had asked to sit together.

To all those saying no one spoke to about swapping seats, you're right.

Neither DD nor I said a word, as the seating configuration was not the problem here @Selfbuilt

The problem was a very rude man who had been asked twice to stop inserting himself into our conversation.

It was clear we were together after the train moved off @Wingwalk .

IF the man was inserting himself into our conversation because of some perceived seating slight, then he should have asked for a seating swap to happen.

We travelled home in exactly the same configuration on the journey home.

I recall other travelling pairs sitting in the same diagonal configuration. It's what normal people do when boarding a train and there are seats available at a table. It's not a passive aggressive move to try to keep the whole table to yourself. It's the most comfortable configuration when you're a pair sitting at a train table.

I recall a couple joining another pair across the aisle and shock horror the original travelling pair stayed in their diagonal configuration. Conversation continued across the table for both pairs.

A woman sat next to DD and shock horror she did not include herself in our crossword solving.

@Gengha is absolutely right in saying that a change of seating configuration would not have stopped him inserting himself in our conversation. His wife made it clear he loves crosswords and gave him his own crossword to try to shut him up.

Hope you got the reports finished @SoThatsTheWayItIs .

I didn't do an advanced search - your username made it obvious you'd name changed just for my thread. Your words have confirmed you did. Thanks sweetie. Loving your commitment to hiding behind a new username.

Ah, yes, it is rather obvious. My bad. My username does suggest I’m not the slightest bit embarrassed about changing my name to comment on a thread of this nature so your attempted shaming is water off a duck’s back.

Neither DD nor I said a word, as the seating configuration was not the problem here

Well, it wasn’t a problem for you. It probably was for the man. And then it became a problem for you because of his reaction. But heyho, he probably enjoyed himself annoying you so at the end of the day it’s probably only you and DD who suffered, and you clearly think it was worth it to not have to shift seats so all good really.

Do you also sit diagonally like that when you’re out on a romantic dinner date? As it’s the most comfortable configuration?

Still very weird! 😂

Aibu?

Yes, you both were.

No I'm not!