Annoying man on train

[Weeeheee]

A couple joined DD(20) and I at our table.

I prefer the aisle seat, so moved to let the man onto the window seat. "You expect ME to sit in there?" I nodded and smiled. He didn't seem happy.

He then joined in with DD and I's crossword clue discussion. He then had the gall to start telling DD the answers to clues he read in the puzzle book that she hadn't even got to.

He wouldn't stop talking at DD, and I was figuring out how to politely tell him to butt out, when his wife/partner said "This is like your dream (to him). I bet he's annoying the heck out of you though. (To me)"

I smiled and said " yes, it is annoying".

I thought that should be enough, but no, the man carried on dominating DDs attention. I sat back, told DD to ask me when she got stuck, and thinking about how to phrase "STFU" when DD said "I thought we were having a lovely time doing this together"

I replied " So did I, but this man won't stop interfering"

He finally got the hint, well his partner did, shoved his own crossword at him, and told him to be quiet.

5 minutes. That's all he could keep quiet for. He just couldn't stop looking at DDs puzzle book, telling her the answers, inserting himself into our conversation.

I asked him directly if he could please stop. Again, 5 minutes of quiet, then leaning over to read the clues, and tell DD the answers. His partner kept telling him to stop, which gave brief respite, but he couldn't help himself getting stuck into our conversation.

We couldn't move away from him, as the train was full. DD didn't want to stop puzzling, so we put up with him, but oh my word!

How on earth would you have dealt with him?

Oh there is. It's that.

Agreed. By sitting diagonally and then insisting on that dynamic you were cutting the table in half. For him to communicate with his travelling partner he'd have needed to talk across you two talking across to each other. You should have either moved in to opposite your daughter, or sat next to her. I don't understand why you sat diagonally in the first place? Were you just hoping no-one else would sit there so you'd get the whole table? Because otherwise, if one of you wants an aide and one wants a window, there's an obvious solution to that...

He was rude/oblivious, yes, and so were you.

I think this is the crux of it.

No - it's only on MN that there's is a "right" way to sit on trains.

If you travel on trains as much as I do, you see the MN decorum is just a MN decorum.

So after being told you're annoying and irritating, you'd need to be told again? Goodness me. You must have a very poor sense of social niceties if being told twice to butt out of a conversation isn't enough for you.

Yes, I wondered if your DD was too polite to rebuff him.

He didn’t like you instructing him to occupy the window seat next to you. He was quite spiteful in finding something that provoked you and persisting with it.
I’d have suggested he swap seats with DD “so he could sit with his companion”, texted DD to follow my lead in ignoring him for the rest of the journey.

You saw the station was busy, so it was pretty likely the spare seats would fill up. At that point you should have moved next to your DD. Honestly, use some common sense. All you got was the consequence of your own actions.

While DD was engaging with him I'd have let her get on with it as you did, but she made it clear she wanted you more than him, so when he came back after his first break I'd have said, politely, something along the lines of "Please, we really want to do this ourselves." (assuming DD didn't seem pleased to have his input again, in which case I'd have pulled back again) and after that I'd have escalated.

I don't think the puzzle book is that relevant to the language use. these are just words. It's about increasing the clarity of your commitment in your communication to find his level. If he doesn't recognise that a request made politely is a line he shouldn't cross, you need to up the ante.

I don't see the problem i remember a whole waiting room off people helping me with a crossword once it was nice and kept everyone entertained while waiting

Lots of people making excuses for a mansplainer here. His wife obviously has seen him do this before and enabled his patronising of your DD but was also trying to remind him how annoying it is. He completely ignored everyone urging him to keep his opinions to himself, I would bet because they didn't have a penis.
I personally completely understand where you are coming from OP, having had men comment unnecessarily all through my life, assuming their input is of some degree of importance to me. The fact you actually said he was dominating your time together and he continued shows his self importance and lack of consideration for complete strangers.

Very glad to be single and not the long suffering wife of one of these. Imagine living with it!

As other posters have remarked if I was travelling with a companion I would usually prefer to sit side by side. When the partner is a child they may need help/attention with something so its preferable to sit close.

If the man had interrupted under those circumstances I would have told him (in appropriate teacher voice) to entertain hos own ravelling companion and stop harassing mine.

Some people feel a kind of obligation to entertain any children they see in public regardless of the fact that the children may be accompanied by family. Being child free I have no idea why this may be so. I have never done any more than smile at a random child who is with adults and left the entertainment to them.

Are you one of those cranks OP who insists on booking an aisle and window seat on a plane, and talking across the person in the middle? Similar clueless behaviour.

I would have said firmly and loudly “you are harassing me and my daughter, leave us alone”. If he continued then I would have stood up and shouted “stop harassing us”. If he continued, I would have called train staff / threatened him with arrest by Transport Police, and had him removed from the train.

Goodness me. You must have a very poor sense of social niceties if being told twice to butt out of a conversation isn't enough for you.

Yet many pp are telling you they would have found the seating arrangement you forced the other people into very uncomfortable. But you are just being rude in response to these pp rather than taking on what they say.

I think you are actually quite similar to your rude man @Weeeheee

I thought this was a DebbieSavage post before I checked the username 😂 I do hope it’s satire.

You asked him directly to stop, even his wife asked him to stop and he didn't, so your only other option would have been to put the puzzle book away.

I don't think the seating arrangement came into it, although as a separate issue it is mildly annoying if the train is packed and people are sitting in aisle seats with the window seat empty. It creates congestion in the aisles when people are trying to sit down if aisle seat occupiers are having to get up and move into the aisle to let others sit.

I get that some people may need an aisle seat for a variety of reasons, but in this case there was one free next to an occupied window seat - your DD's - so it would have made sense for you to go and sit beside your DD if she wanted a window seat and you the aisle, once the train became busy.

The diagonal seating has everything to do with this. It's bloody rude to talk across people and you actually moved seats to put him in that situation.

He was getting his own back. I don't blame him.

Unfortunately this really is a factor. You had no way of .aking your conversation private. I think he was being unreasonable but you did not help with the seating

Yup. Agree with this.

I don't know why your daughter isn't telling him to bog off.. perhaps she's a bit shy. But she was engaging with him so he was getting mixed messages.

I think you needed to be completely direct if you wanted him to change his behaviour. I mean you both needed to say , actually we want to do the crossword together, and then she ( your DD) needed to stop engaging with him..TO pick the puzzle up so that he couldn't see it, that might have got the message across.

I do have sympathy because you were having a lovely time together. The diagonal seating unfortunately worked against you in this case .

Thank you @SmallDFartyCarNRG

I'm shocked too that so many women are finding this man's behaviour towards 2 women acceptable, nay encouraging it, because of some perceived slight about seating.

His behaviour was not ok. He was asked to stop twice. He still carried on.

Why is she having to move seats and stop what they were doing just to shut him up? Men often feel entitled to women's time in this way and enabling it doesn't help anyone. Yes it would have possibly helped if they had moved for His Highness, but likely he would have carried on - we all know what these persistent men (who can't take a hint, or 5) are like.

Quite possibly..he may have been doing it all on purpose

As an aside, I don't know what it is about me, but over the years on trains I have been asked by random people sitting next to me for help with their crosswords, quizzes, spot the difference puzzles, word searches and even once for advice on how to word the opening paragraph of an essay about Jane Austen's Northanger Abbey😆

It's got fuck all to do with him being a man and everything to do with the fact that you forced him into diagonal seating and then proceeded like an entitled choose your own word to talk across him.

Don't bring other women like me into this to excuse your own bad behaviour. I need protecting from people like you, not people like him.

I would have found my blood pressure increasing until I exploded with rage! “LEAVE US ALONE AND MIND YOU OWN BUSINESS”