Annoying man on train

[Weeeheee]

A couple joined DD(20) and I at our table.

I prefer the aisle seat, so moved to let the man onto the window seat. "You expect ME to sit in there?" I nodded and smiled. He didn't seem happy.

He then joined in with DD and I's crossword clue discussion. He then had the gall to start telling DD the answers to clues he read in the puzzle book that she hadn't even got to.

He wouldn't stop talking at DD, and I was figuring out how to politely tell him to butt out, when his wife/partner said "This is like your dream (to him). I bet he's annoying the heck out of you though. (To me)"

I smiled and said " yes, it is annoying".

I thought that should be enough, but no, the man carried on dominating DDs attention. I sat back, told DD to ask me when she got stuck, and thinking about how to phrase "STFU" when DD said "I thought we were having a lovely time doing this together"

I replied " So did I, but this man won't stop interfering"

He finally got the hint, well his partner did, shoved his own crossword at him, and told him to be quiet.

5 minutes. That's all he could keep quiet for. He just couldn't stop looking at DDs puzzle book, telling her the answers, inserting himself into our conversation.

I asked him directly if he could please stop. Again, 5 minutes of quiet, then leaning over to read the clues, and tell DD the answers. His partner kept telling him to stop, which gave brief respite, but he couldn't help himself getting stuck into our conversation.

We couldn't move away from him, as the train was full. DD didn't want to stop puzzling, so we put up with him, but oh my word!

How on earth would you have dealt with him?

That's not asking. That's a person showing their annoyance I didn't move over for them.

I didn't know they were a couple until they started talking once they were seated.

They wouldn't have known DD and I were traveling together until we started talking when they were seated.

This is what happens when two arrogant prats meet on public transport.

Perfect 😂

The man doesn’t believe in train etiquette about helping people with their crosswords.

OP doesn’t believe in train etiquette about seating arrangements.

Neither is going to change their mind, whatever anyone says 😂

It seems the man wasn’t the only one (deliberately) missing very clear signals and requests …

No good reason to stay in the aisle seat TO YOU @TDODriver .

There may be all manner of reasons they choose to stay there.

If you don't like the window seat in that situation, find an aisle seat elsewhere or stand. Your choice.

You didn’t know they were together but you knew you were travelling with your daughter.
Why didn’t you sit next to your daughter if you wanted an aisle seat and she wanted a window seat?
makes no sense at all.

Yep! In a nutshell.

I love that you've changed your username just to post on my thread. Thank you! Or is it because you're not bold enough to own what you think.

No signals or requests were made by him, deliberate or otherwise.

He was just repeatedly rude and ignored my 2: requests to butt out.

I can just imagine the other aibu:

My wife and I were trying to find a seat on an overcrowded train. The seats available were diagonal across a table.

Once we sat down, the original pair sitting opposite seemed to be travelling together kept talking across the table about a crossword one of them was doing. It was really irritating. Was I being unreasonable to join in with their conversation and annoy the hell out of them for sitting so inconsiderately?

The only person who wasn't being unreasonable at that table was the wife.

I agree the seating arrangement was weird and OP would have been best sitting next to her daughter. I also think that OP was hoping that the train might not fill up and they’d get to keep the table for 4 for the 2 of them. That’s fine, as long as you move when someone does want the seat.

But regardless of that it’s incredibly rude to butt into someone else’s activity like that. I bet he wouldn’t have done this to men. He’d probably also have done it even if the seating arrangement was different

Yes it is unreasonable to fail to book seats and then expect to join in another conversation

That is a person expressing surprise at your bonkers seating configuration without being confrontational or rude.

I was going to asked if you usually struggle to follow social cues but your responses to this thread tell me loud and clear

Then it's an important learning experience for DD. She needs to be able to put barriers between herself and unwanted attention. As a 20 year old woman she will get a lot of it for many years.

Oh it's not hard for me to understand what you did, I just think it's rude. If the train becomes busy you move to accommodate others, not talk across them in your original seating configuration. I am surprised you find that hard to understand 🤷

That's why I said the only person who was not being unreasonable was the wife.

As soon as you realised they were together why didn’t you suggest swapping seats with his wife?

Because she wanted the aisle seat ?

they could have asked her DD to move to the aisle perhaps but really they were lucky to get seats and then rude because they weren’t perfect and wanted someone else’s perfect to be spoilt

Do you travel often by train? I ask because:

• By no means all trains have bookable seats. My regional operator doesn't, and these are not necessarily short journeys, some routes are 3 hours plus.
• Trains are highly unreliable - if you have a connection to make, it's not uncommon for your connecting service to be delayed so you miss the train on which you have booked a seat. Or you're on time for it and it's meant to be 8 carriages but they've only put a 4 carriage train on so all reservations are cancelled. Or the train on which you have reserved a seat is itself cancelled so you have to wait for the next one which is packed.
• On some routes, the reservations fill up about 4 weeks in advance - you don't always know 4 weeks in advance that you will be travelling. I've tried to reserve a seat on Cross Country with 10 days' notice which you'd think would be enough, but no, no reserved seats left.

YABU. And taking up seats like that is just as rude. Very inconsiderate.

If he was bothering you that much, you could have offered to swap. And yet you sat there whilst he continued and still didn’t take the hint.

She would have still had the aisle seat if she moved next to her daughter by swapping seats with the wife like the poster suggested. Just a different aisle seat.

Yes I think this sums it up perfectly.

Did OP book the whole table of 4?

Bad enough making a couple sit diagonally but the intermittent talking on top, oh my god it would be so annoying. Who does this?

I can understand how you could end up sat diagonally if you didn’t realise the couple were together and they didn’t realise you were together and it’s reasonable to want an aisle seat. It’s also reasonable, when a train isn’t full, for a pair travelling together to sit at a table.

The man was rude but I can also see how the seating arrangement with you and your DD talking across him and his wife made it harder for him to ignore you, especially if crosswords are an interest of his. That doesn’t mean you’re wrong to be annoyed he didn’t take the hint though.

What you should have done once you realised the couple were together was ask the wife to swap seats with you so that you still had an aisle but were sat next to your DD. That way the two of you could have done the crossword without needing to read out clues across the table and the husband and wife could have chatted without talking over you.

I find it odd that you didn't both take either one side of the table, or sit directly across from on another. So the set up of talking diagonally across one another was never going to work. But also the man sounded very annoying.

Still not taking all the comments on board then? He likes crosswords - so? Perhaps he’d have done his with his wife and ignored your DD if you hadn’t sat in such a silly way!

You wound him up and he responded. Your DD didn’t want to talk to him, but carried on responding, so he probably thought she was ok with it and you were just telling him to stop because you were annoying, as evidenced in his mind by your bizarre seating move.

If you’d moved into the aisle seat beside your DD or got her to move into the window seat beside you none of this would have happened. You could have talked to your DD and he could have talked to his wife.