Annoying man on train

[Weeeheee]

A couple joined DD(20) and I at our table.

I prefer the aisle seat, so moved to let the man onto the window seat. "You expect ME to sit in there?" I nodded and smiled. He didn't seem happy.

He then joined in with DD and I's crossword clue discussion. He then had the gall to start telling DD the answers to clues he read in the puzzle book that she hadn't even got to.

He wouldn't stop talking at DD, and I was figuring out how to politely tell him to butt out, when his wife/partner said "This is like your dream (to him). I bet he's annoying the heck out of you though. (To me)"

I smiled and said " yes, it is annoying".

I thought that should be enough, but no, the man carried on dominating DDs attention. I sat back, told DD to ask me when she got stuck, and thinking about how to phrase "STFU" when DD said "I thought we were having a lovely time doing this together"

I replied " So did I, but this man won't stop interfering"

He finally got the hint, well his partner did, shoved his own crossword at him, and told him to be quiet.

5 minutes. That's all he could keep quiet for. He just couldn't stop looking at DDs puzzle book, telling her the answers, inserting himself into our conversation.

I asked him directly if he could please stop. Again, 5 minutes of quiet, then leaning over to read the clues, and tell DD the answers. His partner kept telling him to stop, which gave brief respite, but he couldn't help himself getting stuck into our conversation.

We couldn't move away from him, as the train was full. DD didn't want to stop puzzling, so we put up with him, but oh my word!

How on earth would you have dealt with him?

Your sitting diagonal to each other was weird. Why weren’t you next to each other?

Why didn't you let the couple sit beside each other, that was really odd. And it would have solved your problem.

If I was sat where he was, I would have been pissed off at you talking over me - you also need to respect other peoples space.

He does sound irritating though.

Were you sat diagonally before the man got on? That’s really strange and makes it difficult for people to sit down too. It would have been assumed that you did it to stop others sitting on the table. You really should have sat next to each other.

He was annoying but you sounded annoying too, taking up a whole table for the 2 of you.

He was infuriatingly rude, but you insisting on sitting diagonally from your daughter and constantly talking to her, once the other seats were taken, was a bit rude too. He was probably protesting about that and trying to make you be quiet.
I like that configuration too at a table, but when the other seats are filled DH and I either sit together or read quietly.

Why does no one on this website actually Say their words.

I would’ve said “stop bothering my daughter” - probably with a swearword in front of it to be honest. I would be furious that’s totally unacceptable.

what’s so hard about this?!

also, you were weird about the seat.

This, really. You can’t expect two unrelated couples to each be able to talk privately if they are seated as you insisted on being seated. So you made the situation in the first place. It was very rude of you to talk across the two of them and stop them being able to talk to each other.

Do you not take trains very often? This is just basic etiquette. By sitting as you were you invited them into your group. You should have either sat directly opposite your daughter or adjacent if you wanted to stay in your own bubble.

100000000% such a weird way to make these people sit!

What do you expect when your seating arrangement was so weird? You annoyed him and he responded by annoying you.

Next time, sit next to your daughter and not diagonally. This way, you are not rudely talking across someone.

OP says that DD was engaging with him. She's grown up enough to tell him to leave her alone, it was a safe space with her
mum there backing her up and the man's wife agreeing that he was out of order.
It's not that one person was entirely right here and the others entirely wrong. OP insisting on the aisle seat played a part , as did DD chatting about the clues.

You can't lean across a table having a chat and NOT expect anyone to interject. You made your puzzling a group event. DD was clearly not bothered or she wouldn't have encouraged the interaction to continue.

Much as I’d be like you and find him annoying, he seems to have responded to DD’s engagement with him.

Yeah, I was annoyed and I missed the DD is an adult

I’ve gotta stop reading this website. It’s probably made up anyway.

Oh, I forgot about the weird MN idea that single people/couples shouldn't deign to sit at a table for 4, as they don't have the right to take up space intended for more.

Yes, we were sitting diagonally. The train pulled into a station that was busier than normal. A person plopped onto the seat next to DD. Then a man asked to sit next to me. I stood so he could sit on the vacant seat next to me. After he sat, they started chatting across the table. So I realised they were together.

DD had the book to herself at this point, so they wouldn't have known we were together.

I've often been a solo joining a pair of travellers sitting diagonally across a table. I have no issue with it, and clearly the travellers travelling diagonally don't either. I certainly don't insert myself into their conversations when I do sit with them, as it's rude.

I'm really quite surprised that people are defending his appalling rudeness.

I’d have told him in no uncertain terms to shut the fuck up. He wasn’t polite so neither would I be

DD is a polite, sociable 20 year old. After the couple left, she said she was replying to him, as she didn't know what else to do.

As a 20 yr old, I get it. I wouldn't have had the confidence to say what I said to him when I was 20 years old.

I talked with her about picking the book up so he couldn't read it or turn it towards himself (he did that a couple of times).

Essentially, she was frustrated, but not frustrated enough to tell him to butt out like I did or to feel confident enough to ignore what he said or did.

Oh, I forgot about the weird MN idea that single people/couples shouldn't deign to sit at a table for 4, as they don't have the right to take up space intended for more.

On busy public transport, nobody should be "taking up space intended for more". Do you not use trains very often OP? If there are two of you and the train is busy you should sit either next to each other or directly opposite. Sitting diagonally and talking over the person between you is not on. Yes he was annoying but you were unreasonable not to swap seats with him.

Sorry but I also think this was the result of you forcing him into the weird diagonal. Why on earth didn't you say lets swop seats so we can all chat to our travel companions more easily. I would have been very cross at being forced into that set up.

If the table for 4 is empty and the train is quiet, of course I sit there.

If the train becomes busy, then of course others sit on those seats.

I don't know what's hard for you to understand here.

These threads are always filled with the perfect withering put down that would shame the pest in their tracks and even lead to an apology. Real life is different.

Then you say something. Don't be rude.

DD and I were fine before they sat down.

He clearly loves a crossword and appeared to think his manly help was needed. It was needed so much he turned the book to himself so he could get a better look at the clues and kept inserting himself into our discussion.

That was the issue here.

Not the seating.
Not our conversation.

Him.

His rudeness.

He’s a dick but so were you for enforcing the weird seating dynamic. If you’d moved he could have annoyed his wife instead.

You were wrong to sit that way. Usually when people do that, it’s to stop others sitting in the remaining two seats. It pisses me right off. I had a young DC with me once and was desperate for seats. I came across two people sitting like you were, asked if the seats were free, got a nod and an annoyed grunt - but they made me and my DC sit diagonally just like you did. The man opposite DC then spoke to him. It wasn’t actually friendly, it was a kind of passive aggressive ‘friendliness’, presumably designed to make us move.

So, it’s impossible to judge whether the man on your train was being rude because he couldn’t control himself, or because you had pissed him off by making him sit diagonally from his partner.

Anyway, it should have been your DD who said something to him not you. The fact she didn’t didn’t help at all as he probably thought it was just you fussing and she liked him helping.

Next time sit properly and then this is less likely to happen.

There is no "wrong" way to sit on a train @BreatheAndFocus #sigh

Yes, there is - as you’ve found out…
Re your last post above that, if we ignore the seating, the man was annoying but your DD should have spoken up. She didn’t and that’s why he continued.