Annoying man on train

[Weeeheee]

A couple joined DD(20) and I at our table.

I prefer the aisle seat, so moved to let the man onto the window seat. "You expect ME to sit in there?" I nodded and smiled. He didn't seem happy.

He then joined in with DD and I's crossword clue discussion. He then had the gall to start telling DD the answers to clues he read in the puzzle book that she hadn't even got to.

He wouldn't stop talking at DD, and I was figuring out how to politely tell him to butt out, when his wife/partner said "This is like your dream (to him). I bet he's annoying the heck out of you though. (To me)"

I smiled and said " yes, it is annoying".

I thought that should be enough, but no, the man carried on dominating DDs attention. I sat back, told DD to ask me when she got stuck, and thinking about how to phrase "STFU" when DD said "I thought we were having a lovely time doing this together"

I replied " So did I, but this man won't stop interfering"

He finally got the hint, well his partner did, shoved his own crossword at him, and told him to be quiet.

5 minutes. That's all he could keep quiet for. He just couldn't stop looking at DDs puzzle book, telling her the answers, inserting himself into our conversation.

I asked him directly if he could please stop. Again, 5 minutes of quiet, then leaning over to read the clues, and tell DD the answers. His partner kept telling him to stop, which gave brief respite, but he couldn't help himself getting stuck into our conversation.

We couldn't move away from him, as the train was full. DD didn't want to stop puzzling, so we put up with him, but oh my word!

How on earth would you have dealt with him?

You started it by enforcing the weird seating configuration.

He was playing you at your own (ridiculous) game

That’s quite flattering. I once had a young woman turn to me on the tube, and out of the blue ask what the difference was between cocaine and crack. I explained as best I could, then we both returned to reading our books.

I’d have preferred a crossword question.

She forced him into the FREE seat

she didn’t change her seat so he could have the seat he preferred because she already had it

you would let a man turf you out your seat? Why ? It’s poor behaviour to demand someone else’s seat

Well that’s you, clearly OP’s daughter didn’t want help.

This is not about men.

it’s about you having no grace or manners and a man passive aggressively making a point.

So now it’s been pointed out to you that many people would dislike and object to the seating arrangement you made the other couple adopt and now the suggestion has been put to you that he may have been being annoying in retaliation to you annoying him, would you do the same again?

Or will you in future still make other passengers sit diagonally across from each other whilst talking diagonally across them, and then seethe and post on MN if they chose to converse with you as a result?

‘I’ve asked you to stop repeatedly. why are you STILL doing it’?

Yes I agree in hindsight.

'Because you have made it awkward to talk to my partner'

i would have raised my voice and made it uncomfortable for him that everyone could hear me ask why he kept interfereing with our conversation even though we and his partner had repeatedly asked and told him to stop and what was it about my DD that particularly made him want to keep bothering her and get her attention.

Very firmly, loudly enough for others to hear but not shouting.

I would then either have suggested that my daughter moved so that he could sit opposite his wife or I would not have engaged in continuous conversation with my daughter across him.

That is just common courtesy.

It’s not really shocking behaviour towards 2 women though. Yes he was boorish and rude. But your seating arrangements contributed to this as it seemed inviting and forced him to be very party to everything you were saying. If you’d let him sit next to his wife it would’ve been less inviting.

‘Shocking’ behaviour would be aggressive or sexual or similar. I think you’re trying to make this an issue of feminism when your own behaviour had a role to play.

If he had refused to let you sit next to DD then talked at his wife diagonally across the table so you couldn’t speak to DD, you would’ve called that ‘entitled male behaviour’ as well

"Then ask me or my daughter to swap seats with you rather than mansplain."

He did, you said no (pretty much). You made it clear that was the seating arrangement you wanted.

If he had refused to move and then talked diagonally across his wife, so you couldn’t converse or sit with DD, this would be a different ‘AIBU’

sigh, there is a kind of universal etiquette though. Strangers in a 4seat configuration sit diagonally opposite each other. People travelling together sit opposite or next to each other.

Continuing to sit diagonally across from each other (I hadn't got that from the OP so my bad) is ok when nobody else is there. You should have either moved to the aisle seat next to your daughter, or moved her to the window seat next to you.

I think what a lot of the seat warriors are missing is that this man loved crosswords. It was evident from his enthusiasm towards dd's book and from the fact his partner gave him his own crossword that was already started, saved from a newspaper, to try to shut him up.

This was NOTHING to do with seating and everything to do with his rudeness.

He was a dick for sure. If you wanted an aisle seat then you should have swapped with his wife and insisted she sat next to him which would have also stopped him being able to insert himself so easily into your convo.

Unfortunately you are so entrenched in your own entitlement about the seating dynamic that you effectively cut off your nose to spite your face. This is what happens when two arrogant prats meet on public transport.

I’m a regular commuter and my trip is only about 35 minutes. It annoys me when people sit in the aisle seat for no good reason and you have to ask them to get up to access the window seat. Sometimes I assume it’s because they’re getting off at the next station and are trying to be thoughtful. But then often they’re still sitting there when you need to get off and you have to ask them to get up again.

In this case being at a table and sitting diagonally and making the other couple sit diagonally across you is rude and would seems designed to deter people from
joining you at the table.

I understand the train may not have been busy before these people got on. I suggest that next time you just get up and move next to your daughter and it will all work more smoothly for everyone.

TBH I’d just have told him - firmly but politely - that dd wanted to do her puzzles herself. And if he’d persisted, I’d have said it rather more bluntly!

But your insistence on sitting in this weird set up contributed to his feeling that conversation was welcome.

You’re turning into one of those OPs who is told they are being slightly unreasonable but doubles down and insists everyone else is wrong.

Yes he was rude and boorish.
But frankly so were you - I would’ve moved to sit opposite or next to DD, not been needlessly obstructive then complained when the cosy new arrangement results in unwanted chat

Were you at a part of the conversation that I wasn't?

When on earth did he ask me to change seats?

I prefer the aisle seat, so moved to let the man onto the window seat. "You expect ME to sit in there?" I nodded and smiled. He didn't seem happy.

Never come across that in decades of travelling

more artificial rules

if your seat is important to you - book it or travel at a quiet time. Else put up with what you find and don’t expect others to make their lives worse by making yours better

haha - nobody is finding it acceptable. I missed that your daughter is an adult though. Teach her to speak up for herself.

As for seating: I have travelled to work almost daily for nearly 30 years on trains. Your way of seating is bonkers and not usual in any country i have worked in.

This is what happens when two arrogant prats meet on public transport.

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