My asshole brother is back and causing chaos

[Gricmy]

My DD and I live next door to my parents in an adjoining property that belongs to them. I know that this will make me sound like a sponge but I really appreciate this as a single mom and they have always been such a great support, so I feel bad bitching now. I know that I'm really lucky to have them and they love DD and she effectively has a "real family" to grow up with.

My brother has now shattered this in his usual fashion. Moved in with our parents because his wife kicked him out and everything has been turned on its head. I honestly wouldn't mind if he was a good person but he is absolutely awful to be around and always has been. He was diagnosed with bipolar and narcissism years ago but never accepted this, but I think it will be enough to paint a picture how dreadful it is to live with him.

Since he has arrived he has taken over the whole place as his own. Boundaries are out of the window and everything revolves around him. I don't want my DD to be around him, and I also don't want to see my parents being taken such advantage of. I totally appreciate that I have benefitted from their kindness for a long time now, but I honestly have been trying to pay them back in kind and I have also not been renting rent free.
I think I'd be ok with any person living there apart from my brother in fact. I know that he will erode everything until there is nothing left for him to take and then move on.

Sorry. I know that this was a full blown rant and that the only reasonable thing for me to do is look into moving elsewhere. But I'm so fucking pissed at him and at the way that he treats our parents and everyone around him. And at the way he gets treated like the tragic victim of circumstances all the time.

Rant over. Sorry for venting 😡

They are her landlord
she pays rent
she needs to tell the owner of the property that she’s changing the locks

in any event, the Op loves her parents and her parents love her - so why on earth would she not tell them and throw a grenade on the relationship

do You have a legal tenancy agreement with your parents @Gricmy ? Or are you essentially a guest in their property paying them a token sum of rent?

Also, you can have bipolar and not be a twat. So mental illness isn’t an excuse for acting like this. You want to protect yourself and your child, which is totally understandable.

Unfortunately it sounds like your parents won’t protect you. Which could be a continuation of how they were with you in childhood, so it’s no wonder you’re on high alert. I’m making an assumption there, it might not be true.

Yeah that's true. You could report him ?

He has done it all his life.

okey dokily hon

A personality disorder is not a mental illness. However bipolar is a mental illness.

OP you know your brother and you know that trying to speak to your family will make no difference. People on here do not know your family and some do not understand the effects of his behaviour. It does however seem that you will need to alter your living arrangements. I wish you the very best.

Very well said. I agree that previous poster showed a distinct lack of empathy towards the OP and yet expected the OP to show empathy to a person who has abused her in the past.

Nope personality disorders are disorders, not mental illness....

The man runs around his garden naked, is a domestic abuser and hurt animals as a child. Oh and is a convicted criminal for GBH!!

He is a bloody psychopath! That is definitely a mentally ill (and very dangerous) individual.

The OP needs to use this development as the motivation to move the hell on and away from being so dependent on her parents.

Well I suppose technically they are classed as mental health issues, not illnesses. Does it matter? The funding for dealing with them comes from mental health budgets-social care, not the NHS as a rule unless there are other issues.
What bearing does how PD are classified have on the circumstances the OP is in?

If he is diagnosed with bi polar disorder then contrary to your belief poster yes he is mentally ill very much so with that diagnosis and will be all I er the place especially when things become stressful and anxious. What your parents do is not up to you, your happy to gain and why shouldn't your brother

Well, actually PD are on NHS list https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/

I have bipolar (can be quite extreme when it raises its head!!) and bpd. I don’t go around treating people like shit and causing people to feel the way the OP says her brother does. I also would never let my family use it as an excuse for anything I would do (I haven’t). I know some people are affected by these conditions in ways I may not be, but still. Respect and manners are something that we should all do, mental illness or not!

BPD and NPD are very different in their manifestation.

I don’t know if the garden is overlooked, but I bet the neighbours aren’t impressed

Your not the only one i have a brother who stole money from me and parents. However its bit on his ass as dad didnt know and confronted him. Your brother has something akin to narcissim which is a trait not really you can resolve.

In my opinion, just because they know what they're doing, it doesn't mean they don't have a mental health condition (take psychopaths for instance!)
He's been diagnosed and his behavior isn't normal so I think we do need to acknowledge he is mentally ill, even though I don't think this excuses things as such. But if I saw someone running around naked, I wouldn't think they were of a sane mind.

Besides this, as it's an adjoining property I would purposely keep my distance, stay in your own place and see how things pan out before doing anything drastic, like the upheaval of moving. Your brother might move on soon enough and it could be back to how things were before you know it.

The replies have gone the expected way, admonishing the OP to "be kind", while being distinctly unkind to her.

You don't need tell a landlord if you change the locks, you just need to reinstate the originals at the end of the tenancy.

Incorrect

if there is a tenancy agreement, it will very likely contain standard clause about making changing including locks

i doubt that there is a contract. The Op is a guest by the sounds of it.

Either way, why on earth would the Op not want to tell the parents that she loves and who have done so much for her and love her back!!

People with NPD usually don't seek help or even actively refuse it, this is the nature of this condition.