My asshole brother is back and causing chaos

[Gricmy]

My DD and I live next door to my parents in an adjoining property that belongs to them. I know that this will make me sound like a sponge but I really appreciate this as a single mom and they have always been such a great support, so I feel bad bitching now. I know that I'm really lucky to have them and they love DD and she effectively has a "real family" to grow up with.

My brother has now shattered this in his usual fashion. Moved in with our parents because his wife kicked him out and everything has been turned on its head. I honestly wouldn't mind if he was a good person but he is absolutely awful to be around and always has been. He was diagnosed with bipolar and narcissism years ago but never accepted this, but I think it will be enough to paint a picture how dreadful it is to live with him.

Since he has arrived he has taken over the whole place as his own. Boundaries are out of the window and everything revolves around him. I don't want my DD to be around him, and I also don't want to see my parents being taken such advantage of. I totally appreciate that I have benefitted from their kindness for a long time now, but I honestly have been trying to pay them back in kind and I have also not been renting rent free.
I think I'd be ok with any person living there apart from my brother in fact. I know that he will erode everything until there is nothing left for him to take and then move on.

Sorry. I know that this was a full blown rant and that the only reasonable thing for me to do is look into moving elsewhere. But I'm so fucking pissed at him and at the way that he treats our parents and everyone around him. And at the way he gets treated like the tragic victim of circumstances all the time.

Rant over. Sorry for venting 😡

Didn’t say I did. I stated my professional interest earlier.

My god I’m so sorry. I was out for most of the day and didn’t see how much had been posted. Maybe a blessing considering how many deleted messages there are.
The locks have been changed. I have started to look at alternative housing but this won’t be quick so the locks will have to do.
DD knows not to talk to him and doesn’t want to anyway because he scares her. My parents seem to be stuck not knowing what to do because he is simply the most domineering person.
As stated several times earlier. His narcissism is the root cause of his behaviour but he gets extra bad when he gets really manic. Like come back home and you find that a ceiling has been repainted because he decided that that was a great idea.
Thanks for all of the really helpful replies. I will also look at the power of attorney thing as a backup. I just hope that it won’t be perceived as me being grabby because that’s exactly what he will accuse me of. He is horrific when angry and gets very destructive.
I’ve messaged his wife but got no reply. I guess she doesn’t want to hear from any of us in case or might think that he instructed me to reach out.
Thank you all so much

Do your folks know you changed the locks?

Was he imprisoned for the GBH conviction?

They do and understood

Will you give them keys? With the promise they are hidden

I don’t think she should under the circumstances as the brother over powers the parents, who fail to keep them safe from him.

No, he got off lightly. As always. I saw what he did that day.
Played the victim card with crocodile tears after.

No I keep the only keys

I think it would be best if you speak with your parents about the POA thing, once you know what's what with it. Might be worth speaking to a solicitor, too.

WOuld your parents be able to keep it from him?

I feel like when you move out, hes going to move into that house and your parents will never be rid of him. Honestly I dont understand why your parents are not telling him to find his own place solely based on him walking around naked in front of their granddaughter. Are they afraid of him because of his temper? The whole situation sounds so hard.

Age UK is a good call. @Gricmy give them a call tomorrow. Have a pen and paper to hand to make notes

"Financial abuse: what is it? | Age UK" https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/health-wellbeing/relationships-family/protection-from-abuse/financial-abuse/

"Domestic abuse – what is it? | Age UK" https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/health-wellbeing/relationships-family/protection-from-abuse/domestic-abuse/

I'd look at the privacy film for windows. Its a cheap interim solution to protect your child from his nudity / exposing himself

You could contact the police about the nudity it isn't technically illegal unless its causing harassment alarm or distress i think thats where you might get him for it sad to say the more trouble he causes and the more you complain the quicker he will move on because eventually he will break a law and be forced out

He won't know that your parents have taken out LPAs unless they tell him. And hopefully they have more sense than to do so.

It's about £80 each to do financial LPAs on the government website. Another £80 to do the health LPAs.
Alternatively a solicitor can help then with them but that would obviously be more expensive. It's so worth it to have them though, whichever way they do it.

The financial one can be used by the attorney at any point with your parents' permission. They don't have to have lost capacity. For instance my mum retained capacity right up to her death, but her paralysis meant she couldn't manage her own banking or bill paying. So my brother and I did it for her with her permission, using our attorneyships. Likewise we checked her accounts regularly, which was how we discovered that one of her carers has been using her ATM card. Without financial LPA we would never have known and the carer would have continued fleecing her.

The carer ended up in court, of course. But it's an example of why your parents need LPAs

OP - please check that there isn’t shared access to your property through the loft.

It may also be worth advising the Police that he is living with your parents and you and DD are next door, and informing the Fire Brigade as he sounds dangerous and unpredictable (they can come and check smoke alarms, install safety measures, when he’s out). You don’t know what caused him to leave/be kicked out of his house, and it could be very serious.

It may also be worth informing adult social care that he is living with your parents. It likely won’t meet threshold for intervention, but at least agencies will be aware.

Discuss concerns with DD’s school, and, if they refer to social care (which they may even if he in theory has no access to your DD due to proximity and, again, not knowing what he has done), welcome this. Professional involvement may help your parents understand the risks he poses to you all.

As advised by PP, set up security cameras covering your entrances (not necessarily visible from the door unless you already have them).

Set a safe word or phrase with your parents, something that won’t arouse suspicion such as ‘oh did I mention I saw Jean the other day’. Consider giving them a secret phone.

Treat this situation as a victim of domestic abuse at risk from a perpetrator.

I hope you are able to relax soon.

I’ll definitely look into this, thank you. Things have been relatively calm today (touch wood), so I take this as a blessing and hope that it stays this way. He is a nasty piece of work when he gets angry and I’d rather avoid this for now.

Sorry to bang on, but my own LPA came in very useful when the sale of my late mum's property came through more quickly than expected and my 'wet signature' was required on a document while I was on holiday abroad. Even though I was mentally and physically perfectly well, the LPA allowed my DD to sign in my place. They're useful things.