My asshole brother is back and causing chaos

[Gricmy]

My DD and I live next door to my parents in an adjoining property that belongs to them. I know that this will make me sound like a sponge but I really appreciate this as a single mom and they have always been such a great support, so I feel bad bitching now. I know that I'm really lucky to have them and they love DD and she effectively has a "real family" to grow up with.

My brother has now shattered this in his usual fashion. Moved in with our parents because his wife kicked him out and everything has been turned on its head. I honestly wouldn't mind if he was a good person but he is absolutely awful to be around and always has been. He was diagnosed with bipolar and narcissism years ago but never accepted this, but I think it will be enough to paint a picture how dreadful it is to live with him.

Since he has arrived he has taken over the whole place as his own. Boundaries are out of the window and everything revolves around him. I don't want my DD to be around him, and I also don't want to see my parents being taken such advantage of. I totally appreciate that I have benefitted from their kindness for a long time now, but I honestly have been trying to pay them back in kind and I have also not been renting rent free.
I think I'd be ok with any person living there apart from my brother in fact. I know that he will erode everything until there is nothing left for him to take and then move on.

Sorry. I know that this was a full blown rant and that the only reasonable thing for me to do is look into moving elsewhere. But I'm so fucking pissed at him and at the way that he treats our parents and everyone around him. And at the way he gets treated like the tragic victim of circumstances all the time.

Rant over. Sorry for venting 😡

Forget the house and him taking it over.

Think about your child and you. You think, and he certainly seems to be, a very dangerous man. Your parents don’t seem to have a back bone between them.

Move out and move on

I don’t blame her for wanting nothing to do with any of us if he is still in the mix.

Has your daughter been asking questions why suddenly not seeing granny and grandad?

I would continue doing your LPA research and download the paper work. Present it to your parents when things are calm and he's not there.
They probably can't make a decision and are too anxious to read through it all online or organise it. I don't think you should be wringing your hands worrying how it looks or that it makes you look grabby. You are protecting them from an abuser. Its up to them to decide that they really don't want that protection and say no.. but if they say they will look into it.. they won't.

I think you should have your iphone set to record, every time you go there..if he's in. So that you can present that to the police next time. Even if it blows over, it would be an accurate record of abusive threats and behaviour. And it would be on record. No need to do anything but its there. Even if and especially if, your DM denies it. It would also be effective with adult social care. I'm sure they've come across this kind of thing before and will know how to deal with it.

A pp mentioned partitioning the garden with a fence.. its a great idea. Would your parents agree to install it whilst you are still there? To protect your DD. Its their property afterall. It might spare your DD from having to see him... Also get some blinds of some sort in the relevant windows.

This must be very hard to live with. But, Just thinking if you do move, you might have to keep going back to protect your parents, so I would look into the adult social care and reporting to the police suggestions, which would add an extra layer of help for them. Best of luck x