School called about my eight-year-old's violent behaviour, what should I do?

[Exhaustedand]

I've just had a phone call from the school to ask me to pick my child up. He's been misbehaving all day - going around and pretending to shoot people, dragging his fingers over his throat in a "slit your throat" gesture and to top it all off, he stabbed another child with a pencil because she was annoying him.

He's eight and has spent the afternoon in isolation because his behavior has been so bad. He's also been excluded from after school club because they don't have the staff there to cope with his behavior.

I genuinely have no idea why or where he's got the gestures from- we don't watch violent stuff and it's something I've never seen any of my immediate family do.

I'm a single mum with another older boy and I'm just at a total loss of what to do next. School are putting a plan into place to give him more support and I'm planning to make an appointment with my GP to discuss things but I don't know how to manage his behavior and to help him. I'm reading the books recommend on my other thread and have been using the things I've learned but I can't see any change on his behavior.

I'd be extremely for any help or advice please!

One you agree with

so presumably that means you’d do the same to yours

Roger that

The link to your post a few days about your ds faecal incontinence and development delay are very salient points which changes the whole context og the post.
It is obvious thst your poor ds's behaviour has a much bigger causd than 'echoey classrooms.'
Can you imagine how awful it must be for him to be in a ks2 classroom smelling of shit? He will be a social pariah! It sounds as though he has huge emotional problems !

Like I said, better an occasionally smacked child than a violent, disobedient teen.

But, in light of OP’s other thread, there is obviously a lot more going on that wasn’t included in this post and that should change the answers she receives.

Some years back, I had a high school pupil who smelled strongly of excrement for three years. I kept sending in referrals to the SLT. The parents blamed the boy. (The boy was NT and - according to the parents - responsible for washing his own clothes.)

The smell was so bad that staff were keeping Febreze in their rooms for use after the boy had gone. The janitor got to the stage that he was throwing out chairs instead of cleaning them. (There was no visible excrement, but the smell was awful.)

I went beyond what I was really allowed to say by suggesting that the problem might be anal leakage caused by faecal impaction and this time the SLT persuaded the parents to allow a nurse to speak to the boy at school. (We no longer have school nurses - ISTR that this was a District Nurse.)

It turned out that faecal impaction was indeed the cause. The matter was sorted out and, thereafter, the boy had a much improved social life.

Given the info on the other thread, the OP's son needs urgent medical intervention and also input from the school's Educational Psychologist, given the meltdowns. (The referral process varies from area to area and is likely to be lengthy.)

Right so there’s my answer
yes

There’s a lot of growing holes to this @Exhaustedand

But what is most odd is your adamant insistent regarding what you son does and doesn’t watch, when it transpires he’s with his father every weekend.

The other child is doing this on purpose. They are deliberately using continual minor needling, winding him up over and over until he finally explodes.

Typical of some kids. Siblings often do it. to get the other into trouble. They like seeing someone else lose their shit and get told off for it.

Still not sure what your point is…

No point.

Just I guess another poster that smacks

Having read your other thread OP I think you need to consider that there are a lot of things going on for your son which it seems you want to brush under the carpet. This violent behaviour is not coming from nowhere. He is clearly a child who is struggling. I really don’t think you will be able to punish this out of him.

You don’t seem to want to respond to or address peoples comments about his father. I wonder why not? But anyway separation is hard on kids. And if dad is not a particularly nice person maybe you need to consider if the kids should be in his company every single weekend. You might not be getting angry with DS over the situation with his incontinence and his accidents but you have absolutely no idea how his dad is treating him when this happens at his house.

And it sounds like he’s being bullied at school actually. No wonder the poor child is lashing out. I really think you need to speak with the school and also contact your local family support centre or children’s centre to get advice. He might benefit from some kind of therapy, art therapy or play therapy which the children’s centre may offer or be able to signpost you for. And it’s clear the medical issues need urgent attention, that will be massively affecting his self esteem. His behaviour is telling you that something is really wrong. Happy kids with a positive sense of self worth don’t tend to behave like that.

I know how hard it is being a single mum and feeling like everything is on your shoulders but I really feel this will escalate and get a lot worse if your son doesn’t get the support he needs.

I didn’t answer either way because this is not about me.

Your support for smacking in this incidence is really all the answer there is. 🤷‍♀️

I don’t think @Exhaustedand will be back

The OP has already said that she's seeking GP input, so perhaps that will get the ball rolling.

I agree with the pp who said that some kids will seek to provoke others and this may well be what's happened with the pencil stabbing, but the problem is clearly much larger - the pencil incident has been the last straw.

Im still waiting to hear what behaviour he exhibited to get excluded from an after school club that isnt that violent or terrible?!

@Exhaustedand

So far as after school clubs are concerned, staff aren't obligated to keep a pupil who keeps refusing to follow instructions - it's not safe and there's no requirement to provide alternative provision for him.

Why would she come back when you've completely derailed her thread with your incessant nit-picking?

He's under the care of a consultant at the hospital and we have medication which he takes daily. It is actively being treated under direct medical supervision.

I was in a relationship with the man for over 15 years. I know his habits. I also know that he doesn't have a gaming console and my kiddos don't have any screen time at his house.

More of the same - being silly (running around or dancing, being active) and the new staff members aren't comfortable dealing with his toileting needs.

Apologies for ya know, taking time away from the thread to collect my children, feed them, and make sure their homework is done.

OK, someone else has now provided a link to your other thread and that's very important context, especially as the names he's being called include 'Stinky'. You yourself have said he smells strongly of excrement, stays dirty at school, hides the evidence, is behind and "doesn't listen to his teachers, is disruptive and has "tantrums" or fits of anger if he's challenged."

There is something really wrong here. Is he behaving the same at the weekends? Is he away every weekend? Why is his Dad abusive towards you? Why does your MiL hate you? This is taken from another of your threads about flea bites.

Your son seems to have a lot going on: moving between homes, family breakdown, bowel issues, etc. I think you need to give the full pictures to your family doctor and really have a sit down and chat to unpick why both you and your son are completely overwhelmed at the moment.

Thank you. I hope that they're able to help.

If he’s with his dad every weekend and has zero screen and zero gaming - what is he doing?

The defecating at school is very relevant and was a strange omission