School called about my eight-year-old's violent behaviour, what should I do?

[Exhaustedand]

I've just had a phone call from the school to ask me to pick my child up. He's been misbehaving all day - going around and pretending to shoot people, dragging his fingers over his throat in a "slit your throat" gesture and to top it all off, he stabbed another child with a pencil because she was annoying him.

He's eight and has spent the afternoon in isolation because his behavior has been so bad. He's also been excluded from after school club because they don't have the staff there to cope with his behavior.

I genuinely have no idea why or where he's got the gestures from- we don't watch violent stuff and it's something I've never seen any of my immediate family do.

I'm a single mum with another older boy and I'm just at a total loss of what to do next. School are putting a plan into place to give him more support and I'm planning to make an appointment with my GP to discuss things but I don't know how to manage his behavior and to help him. I'm reading the books recommend on my other thread and have been using the things I've learned but I can't see any change on his behavior.

I'd be extremely for any help or advice please!

He's not online at all. He's currently playing Minecraft in creative mode and a cat game.

Yes, he has a new teacher this year. We had problems with her with my older son and I'm wondering how much she's contributing to my youngest's current behavior.

He doesn't play any of those games and his tablet isn't connected to the Internet.

Does it matter what it's called?

He was sat in a small room by himself with a member of staff.

I have a general idea but their dad is awkward and controlling - I've had a lot of arguments about them going every weekend.

Perhaps you and ex need to discuss how to impose discipline and boundaries on him.

The problem will likely then be at your ex’s @Exhaustedand
He is allowing utterly inappropriate content and the consequences is your son is displaying very disturbing behaviour

Basically this. Even if that means you have to grit your teeth

If you don’t want their father to have every weekend, leaving you with the grunt work during the week - then go to court. Obviously.

Weekends are the time we get to enjoy life with kids but not hurrying them out the door to school

Has anyone told him he must stop pointing guns at people and he’ll get a smack if he doesn’t? That will work.Obviously teachers can’t do this like they did when I was at school but you could make it clear that’s what you’ll do if you hear any more of this.

Little boys all ran round at playtime pointing imaginary guns at people when I was at primary school, however they were able to obey orders not to during lessons except the really bad ones, who got smacked and then did as they were told.

He doesn’t need the GP, or at least not as first port of call, he needs clear expectations, boundaries and consequences.

He could be using violent games. You need to check the games he is using. That could be the problem.

if you don’t stop being violent to others DS, I will be violent to YOU 😆

Exactly. A taste of your own medicine works wonders.

My kid bit me when she was little. I instinctively slapped her and she never bit me again. Another kid at the nursery made other children’s lives a misery biting them. A woman had to move her traumatised child from the nursery because of him. I really hope her child wasn’t affected long term.

Yeah it makes total sense to hit someone half your size and scare them into submission whilst simultaneously telling them they must not hit.

He has clear expectations and boundaries. I am not going to smack my child.

Firstly because I don't believe in using physical violence against a child. Secondly because I was smacked a lot as a child and all it left me with is a fear of doing anything wrong or upsetting my parents because I'd get hit. And thirdly because it's illegal in my country.

He doesn't play violent games at home and I don't believe his dad lets him have any screen time.

’a fear of doing anything wrong or upsetting my parents’

If this was also the consequence for your child then that wouldn’t be a bad thing…

Yeah. Obviously all the teacher's fault.

Ffs.

You've misunderstood.

Of course I was punished for being naughty but I also regularly got smacked for things like accidentally spilling a drink, even if I cleaned it up myself. My dad once beat me black and blue for throwing a towel downstairs to him rather than walking down the stairs with it even though I was trying to revise for an important exam at the time. I also got hit for stuff like not coming straight home from school (I always did but had no control over the school bus and would be hit if it was late)

She made my oldest child hate going into school because she was constantly picking at him. I'd regularly get messages and phone calls over things like he was finishing his work too quickly, (even though it was done properly and was correct) or his reading card had been signed in the wrong color pen. One time she phoned me to bring him some different trousers because he was wearing shorts and it wasn't permitted. (It absolutely was permitted per the headteacher and other kids had shorts on too)

She also reduced me to tears at pick up because my dad was critically ill in hospital and I'd forgotten to sign his reading card.

There’s a big difference between being beaten and abused, and a smack on the leg when other forms of punishment haven’t worked.

By all means if that’s not for you, fine, but I would far rather an occasionally smacked child than a violent teenager; which is where this is heading if you don’t get it under control now.

As for the teacher, it sounds like there is just a clash of personalities there. It’s highly unlikely that she is picking on you or your children; she’s just stricter than you.

Hitting in any form is illegal in my country.

He's not violent - he's sitting next to me on the couch right now colouring and playing with his stuffie.

I didn't say the teacher was picking on my child but unfortunately it did lead to him not wanting to go to school. She was also rubbish at dealing with another child bullying my oldest son.

Yes this more than blaming new teacher she’s not making cut throat signs for him to copy!

Your title is literally ‘my eight year old’s violent behaviour’.

Again, these are your words: ‘She made my oldest child hate going into school because she was constantly picking at him.’ He didn’t want to go to school because he didn’t like being told what to do.

And it seems to be coming increasingly clear that, perhaps, you are the problem: you side with your DC over the school, aren’t prepared to enforce appropriate sanctions at home and have an excuse for everything.

You reap what you sow OP. 5 years from now you’ll be back here wondering why your teen is disobedient, swearing at you and bunking school.