Who should go to work tomorrow?

[NotSureICanDoIt]

Today was my first day at a new job - one I am very lucky to have. I probably wouldn’t find another one as good again. Not going in tomorrow will look very, very bad and potentially jeopardise my job.
DP is a GP and has a 30 patient clinic tomorrow.

DD3 is ill. Some sort of virus, fever, headache, sore throat, no appetite. There’s no way she’ll be well enough for nursery tomorrow.

DP thinks I should stay home with her and I think he should. Up until this point I’ve been a SAHM so things like this weren’t an issue. He has never ever had to cancel work before.

Who gets to go to work tomorrow?

Get an emergency nanny. They are expensive and your daughter won't love it but it's 1 day...or maybe a couple of days.

If you can't sort that, do 50/50

Feel for you, very stressful.

You need to delete the first 2 words from your name now

NRTFT

We live in a reasonably rural area. There’s no such things as childminders or babysitters on call (is there anywhere? 😂).

Friends work.
Family lives across the country, all at least several hours away.

This is the case for most of my other mum friends I’ve made on mat leave. This is the real world now.

And yes, I have zero clue how we’re going to get through winter bug season, just as I go back to work.

Your post smacks of a complete lack of comprehension for how many people have to parent.

if replacing him with another locum at short notice is possible then he stays home so that you can establish yourself in your new job … that way patients aren’t impacted and neither is your job
Do you have alternative back up in place as you could get a call mid day about a sick child - who is stepping up then or will you alternate it

Yeah, you must be right - so you can get a job, not make child care arrangements (because it’s difficult/expensive), take days off here, there and everywhere and expect your colleagues and employer to just suck it up. But it will get better because when you Wfh you can look after a sick child at the same time - result! Nice world!

What world do you live in where childminders are happy to accept sick children just for the day, or where responsible teens just hang around waiting for the phone to ring?

Don't know what sort.of job you have, but if possible I'd go and find out if your daughters Ill, could you work from home. Letting 30 po patients down isn't at all good, there could be serious issues for some people. Really this should have been sorted before you got a job, it will be the same when DD is at school, every time she's ill what's going to happen? Is there not a grandparent that could step in?

You go to work. Obviously.
DP isn't the one letting patients down. The NHS is for having no backups in place. Personal life comes first.

I'm a SAHM, I'd be incredibly unimpressed to be called by a friend to mind their sick child all day. Because their time is so much more important than mine. To mind for a morning because someone has a hospital appointment or something like that fine. But not because they're both working and neither will take the time off. If one had an important meeting that day and they needed a few hours cover that's fine but if you can never take a day off because your child is sick because you're a doctor then doctors can't have kids can they. To be a SAHM my family is taking a financial hit so I won't be your back up childcare to avoid missing work.

No, why would I work from home? I’d have to take unpaid carers leave - very standard in the public sector. It would be a hit financially but I’m used to working 100 hour weeks and would still be massively in credit with any flexi time. My colleagues know how supportive I am when the same happens to them so we all pull together.

Gosh, you’re quite judgemental given how little context you’re given, aren’t you?

@FirmSnake its even worse than that, people bizarrely seem to think op is letting patients down by not stepping in.

That's just misogyny. Woman, how dare you get a job without thinking about he will manage his...
Anyway, glad to read OP did go to work. But it shouldn't have even been a discussion.

Well said @Livelaughlurgy

As WOHP, DH and I tended to trade favours with other WOHP for exactly this reason - it was much more possible to be equal (eg doing half the INSET days each or whatever)

Huh? They have childcare but most settings won’t let the child attend if sick.

I think you did the right thing. It's a one off, and you need to take your career seriously too!

This is all the more reason for him to understand short term pain, long term gain for him if you go to work tomorrow.

Why are some people stuck in some sort of bizarre Protestant work ethic. Duty before all else. Get a grip of yourselves. Society is not going to fail because people look after their families. In fact if we were set up to support families to do this more, society might even function better and people might actually be happier. Imagine.

so she should what? Never have a job? Or those of us without nearby family who are willing and able to do childcare are just not allowed to have children?

she has made and paid for childcare arrangements. but nursery will not take a sick child. Neither will childminders.

I mean, that’s nice. But it doesn’t butter the parsnips. OP has secured a rare permanent job in her sector. Announcing “sod your Protestant work ethic, my kid is sick so I’m staying home” probably would be a career limiting move.

If he is genuinely risking lots of people's lives every time he takes a day off, then he was irresponsible to have children. As a GP, he was ideally placed to realise that children get sick and their parents have to care for them. Yet he still chose to become a parent.

I wonder though, if GPs are morally obliged to remain child free, how many people will become GPs? A shortage of GPs also sounds a bit dangerous to me.

And (as we are playing what if) a child with a cold can't go to nursery as they might infect another child, whose grandmother might be medically vulnerable, catch a cold from said child and die.....

It's very difficult, isn't it? Maybe we just have to. All remain calm and accept that sometimes people, even drs, have to take time off work. This particular Dr has been lucky in the past as his wife kindly chose to support him (and endanger her own future) by not working. She is also kind enough to have found a job that will enable flexibility going forwards so that she can shoulder the majority of the childcare once her probation is done.

These sound like super-responsoble decisions to me. Let's not shame this couple.

Man who has it all seemed to get inspired from your post OP (image pending review)

Tbh, having a doc for a dad when poorly is a win anyway?! Hope little one doing much better tonight.

.

There are many GP appointments that can be done by phone.

Anyway, hope your first day went well OP.

But she does have the childcare in place, it just can’t be used due to illness. What the op is proposing in relation to wfh is what a lot of people need to make work when a child’s ill. Yes it’s not ideal but can’t be helped as a one off - it’s very different from not getting childcare and working with a child at home on a regular basis