Who should go to work tomorrow?

[NotSureICanDoIt]

Today was my first day at a new job - one I am very lucky to have. I probably wouldn’t find another one as good again. Not going in tomorrow will look very, very bad and potentially jeopardise my job.
DP is a GP and has a 30 patient clinic tomorrow.

DD3 is ill. Some sort of virus, fever, headache, sore throat, no appetite. There’s no way she’ll be well enough for nursery tomorrow.

DP thinks I should stay home with her and I think he should. Up until this point I’ve been a SAHM so things like this weren’t an issue. He has never ever had to cancel work before.

Who gets to go to work tomorrow?

I really don't know why so many posters have trouble grasping the concept that there is quite a variety in WFH scenarios. I'm recently retired, but I had a very flexible schedule; most of my work was solitary (writing, editing, etc.), and I had very few meetings. No sick children (quite past that stage), but I was the main caregiver for my elderly mother during a significant portion of my employment. In addition, not all jobs are "corporate." I worked for a charity that has very flexible working conditions, which is why I stayed with them for more than 20 years.

It matters because the law treats unmarried partners differently to married ones when the relationship ends.

There's posts on here most months from unmarried SAHPs, who've found themselves shafted because they sacrified their earning potential and pensions in order to allow a male partner to focus on his career, without any corresponding entitlement to a greater share of the assets to reflect this if they split. Hence the advice to an unmarried mother is invariably to protect her earning capacity.

As for future locum work, even in your invention, you caveat it with an 'if they have other options' which means you understand they might not. The OP has said there's lots of demand locally so it won't be an issue, and she knows more about her area than you do. How hard is that to understand?

You are on probation and it’s your second day. You must go! Seems like he doesn’t value your new job. He’s never missed a day so…… It’s not unreasonable to miss 1 -4 days a year due to child illness. That’s literally 1 a quarter.

I just think you need to get childcare sorted, that includes paying for it? I don’t see why anyone would have to forego work in this scenario, it seems quite short sighted.

@thepragmatic DP won't be the first or last pre-booked locum that has had to back out because of a poorly child or family emergency, or even their own illness. Yes, if he rang up and said 'can't make it, going surfing' then that would be different but... humans are gonna get sick. As GPs will know...

He's far less likely to be blacklisted than OP is to get a black mark in her probation period (which luckily didn't happen cos she went to work today)

How do you arrange paid childcare for a sick child? OP does have paid childcare - child was too unwell to go.

Which childcare takes poorly children, when their usual nursery won't take them?

It sounds like it must be simple, since you have declared they 'just need to get it sorted'

So who did go to work in the end?

OP did. She posted this morning to say so.

I take it there are no "village" options? If not it has to be him. Sounds like she needs a doctor anyway! Seriously, would his mother come running to save him from having to take the day off? Ny teenage relatives? Whst about whoever you use to babysit? Failing all that you've facilitated his career up to now. His turn.

Teenage relatives who are 18 or below are likely to be in school on a termtime Tuesday, and in university/college/work if over 18.

She isn't going to be well for a few days OP. It won't dissappear over night. So you need a plan for the next 3 days. My sons just got over something similar. He was ill for 8 days. He ended up on antibiotics for chest infection & tonsillitis. He was very ill indeed bless him. Hope she's well soon though poor lamb. I do hate when such young children are ill, they don't understand why.

No grandparents or aunties who could stay with her? You ought to have a fallback plan in place. My children were ill one after the other throughout primary school.

Our fall back plan was 'parents alternate looking after the kids'

Grandparents and aunties are often (a) far away and (b) working themselves.

Whilst the OP was understandably very worried about it, there really wasn't much likelihood that one day off very early in her employment was going to jeopardise her employment.

Surely the overwhelming majority of employers wouldn't want to begin recruiting someone else and would accept "I'm really sorry but I haven't managed to get a childcare plan in place yet, it's come up so quickly. I promise it won't happen again."

It's also pretty unlikely she had a desk full of work with close deadlines waiting for her on day two.

And really, if they did let her go, then they were going to take the slightest excuse to sack her in future anyway.

This thread sounds a lot more like "it's time to make him do his share" than a pragmatic joint decision about loss of current and future revenues, letting down other people and potential job loss.

He should step in whilst you get through probation. First impressions......

Whilst the OP was understandably very worried about it, there really wasn't much likelihood that one day off very early in her employment was going to jeopardise her employment.

And there really isn't much likelihood that the DP will get blacklisted from locum work and people will die of cancer because he cancelled a locum session last minute. Didn't stop posters posting that BS, though.

They can get a locum GP to cover.

There's a good chance this illness stretches over two days and OP has been in the office today explaining that DH has covered today but she may have to do tomorrow - that will go down better than a call at 9am on her second day.

100% agree with this!

You keep making these assumptions that taking the second day off wouldn't be a problem, but you have no idea if this is true. The number of employers for whom this would mark one's card is clearly higher than zero.

Neither does the point about taking the slightest excuse to sack her in the future hold either, because OP has been clear that she expects to be able to work around sick child incidents once probation is passed.

You need to look at child care in the long term because you can't only agree to work during your child's nap times and I know from things I've seen in my years in the workplace that it can be seen as a health and safety risk for a company to allow you to take care of a small child whilst working, they don't want to be held responsible if you are busy working and the little one say turns a hot tap on burns themselves because they aren't being watched or any other incident a small child could get themselves into.

Going against the general view here. The doc should go to work. People need doctors. They do not need copywriters. Copywriting can be summed up by saying it's trying to persuade the gullible to buy crap they don't need

Surely a locum can cover your husband clinic

I've been an employer, I've worked in lots of places, incidentally with a lot of copywriters. I don't know any place that would have sacked her for being off today.

When I mentioned "slightest excuse" in future I wasn't referring to further child care issues.