Who should go to work tomorrow?

[NotSureICanDoIt]

Today was my first day at a new job - one I am very lucky to have. I probably wouldn’t find another one as good again. Not going in tomorrow will look very, very bad and potentially jeopardise my job.
DP is a GP and has a 30 patient clinic tomorrow.

DD3 is ill. Some sort of virus, fever, headache, sore throat, no appetite. There’s no way she’ll be well enough for nursery tomorrow.

DP thinks I should stay home with her and I think he should. Up until this point I’ve been a SAHM so things like this weren’t an issue. He has never ever had to cancel work before.

Who gets to go to work tomorrow?

I feel your pain - my DH is a GP and when our DC were young and got ill it was always tricky - regardless of what I had on at work he always trumped me with - 'well I've got a waiting room full of sick patients waiting to see me'. Many silent screams. I think in this circumstances you have to trump him but it isn't any easy choice. I hope your new job goes well x

When you a accepted the job what was your contingency for this?
You must have considered your child getting ill.
X

My gp ex used to pull sickys when he was hungover.

It will look terrible if you have to stay off on your first day. Let him.

Just reading the first page and none of the replies so far seem to even give a passing thought to which salary they rely on the most. That's surely a big factor.

@NotSureICanDoIt how's your DD doing now?

I would expect two intelligent people to have considered the need for emergency cover. And organised it.

What a silly and spiteful post. Obvs the OP has not shared what her job entails, but I can well see why her DH would not want to let 30 people down.
It's a really tough call - but as this is MN, the obvious answer is the woman gets to work, the man has to suck it up.

Can you work from home OP?

I do wonder what sort of emergency childcare people think can definitely be organised for an ill 3 year old. Presumably we all know that settings may turn them away, which includes emergency childcare agencies? Obviously a lot of us wouldn't be prepared to leave our poorly preschooler with a stranger anyway, which is what this would realistically be, but even setting that aside.

I agree. My feeling is that under the specific circumstances OP should have gone to work, but they should have discussed in advance how they cope with emergencies early in the probationary period, particularly at this time of year, to avoid the last minute standoff.

Would your response be the same if the woman was a GP? Or would the DH be accused of being selfish for suggesting she let down 30 patients.
I think I can guess.

Many people resort to a friend or family bod to cover. In an emergency.

You go to work. Men need to take time off for sick kids the same as women do. They will have procedures in place for locums or sharing appointments out. It will look really bad if you miss your second day. But you need a plan in place for next time this happens. Friends, childminders, grandparents? If none of these are an option, you are going to have to alternate days off.

Seek out emergency nanny care and just pay for it.
Throw money at it.
It's unfortunately what some parents have to do.

My SIL/BIL had two similar big Tax Consultants jobs.

One year she told me they paid thousands upon thousands for a qualified Nanny to cover them during one winter where their daughter was just picking up everything and creche was a no go.

They had no other choice and just paid it.
This is the reason so many young professional women are saying one and done.

Its so ridiculously hard for parents of young children.

It sort of is if they’re expecting to go to their appointments in less than 24 hours, so I do feel for the 30 patients who might be impacted by this too. I hope you find a solution. Maybe work can let you WFH that one day, even if it’s not officially a thing yet?

Most grandparents are still working. I know for me I have my dad nearby but he is still workin and also can't afford to get ill himself. Same for my sister who works with the elderly so even if she was off work she wouldn't look after sick kids.

I am fully aware that when I go back to full time work I will have to take time off when the kids are sick (which with my kids is a lot) as there is nobody else. Who wants to look after other peoples sick kids!

Not really. This is how women gets stuck in a cycle of low paid work.

They do indeed, but OP has already said that wasn't an option for them. And there was no basis to expect it would be.

It's fine to raise that as a possibility, which of course people already have, but the reality is that there often isn't going to be anyone available at short notice on a Tuesday to look after an ill child other than one of the people who have no choice because they're her parents.

Perfectly reasonable to expect to need emergency cover for a child at one time or another. Rational even.

This is my thoughts on the subject.

Oh, I realise. Just a passing optimistic thought.

It's hardly an attractive offer to anyone is it? Please Granny / friend come & hang out with my sick child & spread it round your family! Even if people have family around they're surely not going to ask them under these circumstances.

It's reasonable to expect to need it, yes. Children get ill. What's not reasonable is the expectation that they'll have arranged emergency cover, because the reality is that it isn't necessarily going to be possible. No getting around that one.

Which means the expectation needs to be that sometimes one of them will have to take a day off work, until OPs probation is complete at least.

Send her to school knowing that you will get a call to collect her

Agreed. Meanwhile the GP DP's high income is affording OP a decent standard of living and high social status ("my husband is a Doctor"!). So she is willing to play games with her 'copywriting' job - with starting salary of £24k and ceiling of c. £45k - which will soon be made irrelevant thanks to AI, just to make a point. So the locum GP gets blacklisted in the local area, and now has to travel 2 hours to his future shifts. If I were in the shoes of the husband, I will be very disappointed/frustrated that OP cannot see the big picture. Sad