Who should go to work tomorrow?

[NotSureICanDoIt]

Today was my first day at a new job - one I am very lucky to have. I probably wouldn’t find another one as good again. Not going in tomorrow will look very, very bad and potentially jeopardise my job.
DP is a GP and has a 30 patient clinic tomorrow.

DD3 is ill. Some sort of virus, fever, headache, sore throat, no appetite. There’s no way she’ll be well enough for nursery tomorrow.

DP thinks I should stay home with her and I think he should. Up until this point I’ve been a SAHM so things like this weren’t an issue. He has never ever had to cancel work before.

Who gets to go to work tomorrow?

Agree - when I have called in with a sick child (or if I am sick myself but not bed-ridden!), I have always said that I need to be off with them but will fit in bits of work if I can, so it's clear that I'm not available for certain things.

ETA but employees taking emergency leave for childcare is just part of being an employer - better if they are honest about it than pretending no child is there!

Yes to taking leave. No to saying nothing, 'pretending' you're working as usual, but actually needing to spread the hours/workload to accommodate childcare requirements. Many/most people work as part of a team in one way or another - if something is not handed in at the expected time, it may have repercussions on other people's work. So, to assume that it's OK to do the work as and when, around non-work commitments is, IMO, unprofessional.

You'd be able to take a day off to watch someone else's ill child? That's an unusually flexible employer, even if you did owe the friend a day of childcare. If not and it's just about having someone who's free, this is a harder thing to arrange than some on this thread seem to realise, especially on a midweek day (Tues is one of the commoner part timer days). DH and I have pretty much got that but we achieved it by being members of an extended family.

Let's translate;
"Drs wife here, my own needs have been completely subjugated my my husband's job and I've had to convince myself that I don't matter, and to keep myself sane I have to try and convince you too"

No I obviously wouldn't take the day off! Many people are part time or have flexible working patterns so my point again is if you actually interact with family and friends you're more likely to have some kind of back up plan available to ask for help.
Taking the day off as dc has a cold should not be it.

Right, but mine is that organising yourself this sort of network from scratch isn't necessarily doable if you don't have local family/very deep connections.

The reality is that if there's nobody willing and available, which there may very well not be on a Tuesday in term time however you slice it, actually one parent might have to take time off for a cold.

I'd be filing for divorce from someone who thought my job was less than theirs and that stepping up as a parent is optional.

I did have a community of local friends - two worked FT cos their mums did their childcare, one worked from home but had her kid with her (hairdresser so clients often children or other parents bringing their kids/happy for her to have her DD there), SIL and BIL local but no kids at the time so worked FT. None of them could have had a poorly child.

The only person who ever did 'poorly childcare' for us was MIL, who wasn't working (though FIL was), and she struggled to lift the kids so it was a WFH day with us nipping downstairs for nappy changes and highchair lifts. Unfortunately, she moved over 100 miles away before the kids reached school age, so that came to an end.

I think the statement "if people actually interact with family and friends..." is pretty unrealistic. People know who they know, which isn't magically folks who have a day off and no lurgy worries at the drop of a hat on a weekday. Yes, I had people who would grab the kids from school or nursery if the trains were half an hour late, or would cover a school drop off if I had a dentist appointment, but that's a very different ask.

Thank God you are there to monitor this thread - how would the OP manage 😂😂😂🤓

Glad this was resolved, OP.

You refer to him as DP, so I’m assuming you’re not married. Don’t make yourself more vulnerable by ever becoming unemployable so that he can protect his career. It’s too risky for you.

Ah, lovely. Some people don’t have a ‘network’ of family or friends, you see (let alone one who can take the day off their own work at the drop of a hat - how lucky you are!). They have to manage their child’s sickness between them 😊

In all my places of work when someone is fitting WFH around sick child, everyone is accommodating and understanding. Obv it depends what your work is, but I assume the people who find they are able to work flexibly are NOT needed urgently/can reschedule. Just as "I'm expecting my washing machine to be delivered between 1 and 4pm so might have to skip out of the meeting" is OK for many people.

Well done on getting the new role and recognising that this is make or break for you.

Its almost unbelievable that you moved from being a family with a SATP and didn’t discuss what would happen in this kind of situation. Is DP fully on board with the change or is he hoping that you will fail and his life will go back to having you on tap? Or does he appreciate that for you to succeed in this new job you (both) need to invest in your reputation so early in the role.

If the opportunity cost is £500 then it would seem possible to identify some potential solutions in future. Your solution of being able to work around your baby once you are established is short sighted too. Did you need to say this in order to secure his agreement to your accepting the new job.

Give yourself a break and get some solutions lined up for future clashes. You can’t work full time around a baby without support from a partner’s or otherwise.

All the best.

All of my support network (friends) work during the day, the only grandparent alive lives the other end of the country, and other family members are nowhere near. It's not that unusual to live away from immediate and extended family.

In all the (corporate) places I've worked in the expectation is that you’ll arrange cover for anything that may need your attention during working hours, be that a child or a washing machine. An exception can be understood, but it has to be just that - an exception. If you can't work, you take the day off.

There's no way I could not attend a meeting (in person or online) because I have a washing machine being delivered, and I think it's the same for most people working for businesses where the team relies on each other for the work to be delivered.

No other friends or any family near who work part time? Those who have dc usually are p/t.

So what's your contingency plan then, for example your dc have diarrhoea or a temperature and nursery won't take. You just have days off?

Those who have DC and who are part time don't usually want to take someone else's child into their house to infect their own DC, meaning they then have to take their next working day off to stay home with their own kid!

True for a cold, would go double for D+V!! Yes, as a parent, you juggle and agree who has the least-bad diary to collect them early, take the first day off, take the next day off etc.

Obviously if one/both of you is part time, non working days are already covered. But you try and make it as equal as possible between you and acknowledge that sometimes one trumps the other (new job, presentation to the Board that no one else can do etc beats a 'routine' day). A GP's routine day will always involve seeing patients, hence why so many of us agree that OP's working day trumped his this time.

It does depend on your role (and somewhat on how senior you are) - if you are the highest ranking person in the meeting, you can set it for the morning if the washing machine is coming in the afternoon, and do desk work around the actual delivery (which will be between 1 and 5 or whatever, so plenty of scope to get some stuff done).

I can't believe this thread is now comparing letting sick people down with the delivery of a washing machine!

Of course - but if you're not, you can't not join a meeting because of the reasons mentioned above.

Luckily for OP, she's in a role where she's told us she'll likely be able to have considerable flex over her own schedule once she's passed probation. Another reason why it was better for her to be the one that worked today.

I think we can all understand that different work places have different expectations and requirements.
OP has clearly said that she'll be able to manage her workload around the needs of a sick child so we can deduce that she doesn't need to arrange cover for anything that needs her attention during (I assume regular office) working hours.

You’ve been at home to enable his career. He stays home now you have a job, especially as it’s in a probation period. He’s trying to put you back in your box. Don’t let him. Going forward you need to draw up an arrangement for childcare.

Can you ask a friend or family member to sit with dd?

No back up? grandparents?