Who should go to work tomorrow?

[NotSureICanDoIt]

Today was my first day at a new job - one I am very lucky to have. I probably wouldn’t find another one as good again. Not going in tomorrow will look very, very bad and potentially jeopardise my job.
DP is a GP and has a 30 patient clinic tomorrow.

DD3 is ill. Some sort of virus, fever, headache, sore throat, no appetite. There’s no way she’ll be well enough for nursery tomorrow.

DP thinks I should stay home with her and I think he should. Up until this point I’ve been a SAHM so things like this weren’t an issue. He has never ever had to cancel work before.

Who gets to go to work tomorrow?

It will be nearly impossible to another GP locum on the day as there is lots of demand for locums in the OP's area.

It seems about 50/50 as to who goes to work here. Both the OP and her DH need to. On balance, I think she probably should as she may put her job at risk otherwise.

I think chances of this happening are slim to none. Locums drs in a hospital, especially more junior colleagues are easier to get at short notice. Most locum GPs will have jobs planned in advance at GP practices they have worked at before, like OPs partner has.

didnt say this in my previous post but also agree with pp that both splitting the day would also be a good solution - something that my DH and I have had to consider before too.

I called in on the second day of a new job because of a very poorly DC. Work were actually really nice about it and I've never had another absence since. Every appraisal I've had has been really positive and it certainly didn't affect the way they view me. My employer before would have been arseholes, but then they were awful to work for anyway. Some of the posters on here sound unhinged and really quite nasty!
You won't have time now, but maybe look into having a nanny for DD. My friend is a nanny and will still look after a poorly DC, so it seems a bit more reliable than a nursery.

I am a hospital consultant and have not called in sick for 25y as I feel too guilty. So I have not cancelled a clinic or ward round ever. But you know what, I would take the day off in this instance. My partner returning to the workforce would be a big deal and I would support them.

Though I assume the appts will be cancelled. Doubt they will be able to get a locum for this morning. Possibly the afternoon at a push.

You're in your probation period, and it's only your second day, so yes you need to go into work. Your husband may be a GP, but he'also a Dad, and there are going to be times going forward when he's going to have to prioritise his child. The surgery will have to find another GP, no it's not ideal but life happens.

I work in a school, and there's times when teaching staff have to stay off work due to their own child being unwell. The school has to find another staff member to cover or get a cover teacher in from an outside agency.

Going forward you are both going to have to share the load of childcare if your child is sick, and eventually school holidays and inset days. You shouldn't be the default parent, just because you're a woman or made to feel that your job doesn't matter.

This. The problem with being a SAHM, even just for maternity leave, is that by the end of that period, however short, men tend to assume the kids are, mainly, your responsibility, especially if they are high earners.

Take it from someone who, like most women, ended up doing lower responsibility jobs that allowed flexibility to take care of the kids, so the husband could progress his career to provide for the family: men die, get ill, run with the secretary, disappear for days pursuing hobbies, are kicked out by their wives so, don’t let him be the one provider, you don’t have any control over the future, protect your child and own future by ring fencing your career.

My high earning husband often said “I earn more, my job is the priority”, and he was right… he never prioritised anything but himself, he is not with us since DS was young and due to prioritising his job for years… I have been raising his son alone working very long hours in low paid jobs that have limited DS’s opportunities greatly. We could have had a good life, I was the higher earner before marriage, but… like most women, I let him put his job first.

He stay at home, nip this in the bud. You both have responsibilities, he needs to respect your job as much as you respect his.

Women doctors can and do cancel appointments if their kids are ill, does he get his way just because he is a man?

I bet he cancels all his appointments without thinking much of it if he feels unwell himself so… don’t enable him to treat your job like shit.

In this case I think I would ask DH to phone nurse on call and have her attend to DC in a spare room of his surgery.
DH pops in to see DC and oversees nurse on call.
You should go to work for the probation period as often as possible.

Obviously you should go in

OP should go in. It'll cost them more than £500 if this loses OP the job, which it very well might as not coming on the 2nd day looks appalling.

I know the op has now recognised they should have a back up plan but I've no idea how people have dc, then gets jobs without any thought for the very common situation that we have here.

No op a hcp can't cancel 30 patients due to no childcare as a dc has a cold, no you can't ring in sick on your second day. Ask a friend, you must have one?

Could you do half the day each? You go in in the morning and explain the situation, ask to go home at lunch to swap with your husband?

I think him being a GP does change things, if you’re one of the patients who has waited weeks for an appointment and it gets cancelled on the day it’s not great.

I’m a manager and a mum and this offer looks to me like you’re both trying and wouldn’t have an issue with it. It proves this won’t be an ongoing issue if your DC is ill as both their parents understand they have to take their share. It annoys me as a manager that there are staff who have a partner but they are the ones that have to always duck out.

What?? Take a dc with a virus into a place full of sick people and have 'nurse on call' tend to it? Hcps have jobs, they aren't childminders.

A 3yr old sick dc in a spare room at dh's place of work. What could possibly go wrong.

to actually say you’ve never taken a childcare day off in 25 years, right after saying you got an office full of junior staff to watch them if needed 🤣 we’d all be able to say we didn’t need childcare if we had - er - childcare!!

Side points, I bet none of those staff felt able to raise with you how unfair it was that they had to look after your sick children, risking catching it themselves - they couldn’t safely say no to you as partner! Also, the idea of bringing sick kids into a gp practice unnecessarily 😫

‘Ask a friend, you must have one’….ye gods.

Mmm, I'm sure they do have at least one friend between them, but available at short notice to look after a sick toddler on a weekday? There's no 'must' about that.

I know, right?

I considerate myself very lucky to have a large, close, supportive circle of friends and family. But those people work themselves! Or don’t live nearby! Or have kids themselves and can’t take on a sick child in case they all catch it! I mean it’s not rocket science to understand this, surely?!

Ye gods indeed.

How can people have dc and not have any kind of plan for if they're sick once they both have jobs?

Newsflash coughs and colds are incredibly common in 3yr olds.

The dh is allegedly a gp, he's supposed to be intelligent and a problem solver did he never say you know what we should start interacting with family, friends and neighbours in case we are ever in a situation where our dc needs looking after. Seemingly not. Doesn't fill you with confidence on their ability in their day to day job looking after 30 ill people.

As an aside ... I dont either .... and ??? Nice that you do ... some people just dont

Especially as OP has posted saying nobody's available. But even then, people shouldn't assume. Me and DH actually do have family close by who'd be available and willing, but it's not a given.

I hope the OP will come back to tell us what was decided at the end.

Who went to work op?

Thank you for you information. FFS of course a doctor is allowed to treat their own family in the case of an emergency.

This is not an emergency.

My DH is an airline pilot and has taken the day off before at short notice to look after a sick child. If he can do that your husband can miss one day in 3 years to look after his child!

Of course its makes a bloody difference! He's not provided her with the security of marriage, but you expect her to sacrifice her career to enable his, putting herself in a more unstable situation? Why?

I'm not interested in the emotive crap, its not up to me to care about his responsibilities, that's HIS job. He decided to have this career and have a child, its HIS responsibility to find a way to make that work, that doesnt involve OP sacrificing her career. Women dont exist to facilitate mens lives.

And lets get some perspective, 1 day off in 3 years does not suddenly make him unreliable.