Who should go to work tomorrow?

[NotSureICanDoIt]

Today was my first day at a new job - one I am very lucky to have. I probably wouldn’t find another one as good again. Not going in tomorrow will look very, very bad and potentially jeopardise my job.
DP is a GP and has a 30 patient clinic tomorrow.

DD3 is ill. Some sort of virus, fever, headache, sore throat, no appetite. There’s no way she’ll be well enough for nursery tomorrow.

DP thinks I should stay home with her and I think he should. Up until this point I’ve been a SAHM so things like this weren’t an issue. He has never ever had to cancel work before.

Who gets to go to work tomorrow?

I am a medic who had kids with a support network who then all rapidly died. No friends locally who don’t work during the day and would be able to take a kid at short notice. Also if kid is sick they generally want you.

Just answering for myself here, that all my answers up thread have fuck all to do with the fact he's a man.

If a mumnsetter’s neighbour asked them to take their sick kid for a day there would be an “AIBU neighbour wanting me to take their sick kid for the day” post where everyone would agree the neighbour asking would be taking liberties.

Thats not OPs problem to fix, its a far larger problem with the system.

His career will not come to a grinding halt, you're right. Someone's life could, though.

His wife isn't going to lose her job for being late the time it will take to call emergency child care services.

If they're not married yes that absolutely does make a difference to what we're talking about. The need for OP to protect herself and her position could not be more fundamental here.

Of course it's not the OPs problem to fix, it was just being explained that all the people who keep repeating "them just get a locum" don't know what they are talking about.

There isn't a problem with "the system" of covering absent GPs, there's just a problem with a pair of feckless parents who didn't think this through and one who assumed that as soon as she got through to "working from home" she wouldn't need child care for a sick child, and that in the meantime the child wouldn't get sick!

And lets get some perspective, 1 day off in 3 years does not suddenly make him unreliable.

He's a self employed locum. When booking him, nobody is looking at how many days he's had off in 3 years they are only looking at whether he filled the gap he was employed to fill.

We don't know, but If, for example he's been contracted for one day then it's the whole contract and nobody who knew about this absence and how it came about would book him again.

Of course mn is expecting op to take responsibility for all this.
She should sacrifice herself, her new career and feel like the second class citizen in her relationship, all because the nhs apparently isn't capable of managing when one gp needs to take a day off.

I understand her fears but it's really unlikely that she's going to get sacked if she explains that she hasn't got the child care in place yet and has been caught out and sorts emergency cover for tomorrow at the latest.

If, however, they discover that she planned to use "working from home" as her way of coping with children being at home sick then they may be entirely happy to see her go ......

HE’S AT HOME! Child got worse overnight and was sick so nursery a total no-go. I stuck to my guns and repeatedly explained my position and job worries and eventually he gave in.

By wfh I mean that I can spread my working hours out as it suits me. So before she wakes up/during any nap/after she’s in bed. Certainly wouldn’t try and work whilst caring for a poorly child.

You must live in a dream. What emergency cover is there for a sick child who can’t go to nursery?!

I have no family nearby and my friends who live locally all also work so aren’t around to drop everything and look after my sick child!

Well done you.

Why is he a locum? Could he get a permenant position with a special leve policy. Not that it changes today's situation regarding patients, but would offer him finacial and contractual security going forward.

Enjoy your day.

Thats completely not the OPs problem. I'm in probation in a new job, my second week, and no way would I be off this early on. The husband's practice will cover/contact patients. OP will need flexibility going forward and may not get it if she's off so soon.

Pay a childminder that you have on call
Pay a babysitter you have on calL
OP must be able to afford this.
Reciprocal arrangement with friends.
Friends
Relatives
BUT don’t accept a new job when you’ve got NOTHING in place at all.
Live in the real world.

I'm a Paramedic with no support network, I coparent DD, the deal is if she is sick on his day he has reponsibility for her, if she is sick on my day I have her (defined by whose house she should be sleeping in that night). Obviosuly if I'm off on his day or vice versa we sort it like grown-ups, but we are both working parents.

Also, Doctors have a tendency to marry Doctors, so I'm not sure how all these irate posters think that will pan out on sick days!!

For future times you need to set up someone who you know you can rely on to provide emergency cover. A child minder or a responsible teenager who is doing a child care course as this is likely to happen again.

Why should OP not accept a job, her DH has?

I'd love to know where all these childminders/ babysitters and non working friends who are happy to take and be infected by a sick child are?

And as for relatives, some of us don't have them, there is such a thing as death!

There's just not enough information for you to say it's really unlikely. And it's not only sacking, it's also failing probation OP needs to be concerned about. Even in the best case scenario that emergency childcare for an ill kid was available, this is absolutely a risk OP needs to consider. She doesn't know her employer yet well enough to ascertain how much of a problem this is likely to be, so you certainly don't.

Agree: Also, why should op put plans in place for next time.
Her dp has had three years of not having to consider these issues. He can now have three years of having to put plans in place.

No she doesn't, the GP practice will have a special leave policy, and whilst as a Locum her DH won't be eligible for it in financial terms (his increase pay covers this anyway through financial planning) it will respect that fact that even GPs are human and have kids, their own health, elderly parents etc.

I quite agree that OP and DH should've talked about this in advance, but all this stuff about reciprocal friend arrangements is rather optimistic. As is on call babysitting and childminding for ill kids. Do you really think childminders, who have ratios, are keeping places aside for a child they might not even be willing to look after even if it was one of their usual mindees?

I don’t know why people are being so weird about this. At my workplace it is incredibly standard for everyone to work from home when their child is ill. People are nice about it because they realise these things can’t be helped.

Remote working can be a klaxon for daft generalisations on MN. It's been posted plenty of times before that some remote jobs are flexible enough that you could do your shift once your partner gets home and make the time up that way, but some posters still can't see beyond their own experience.