Wedding gift etiquette

[WhatWeddingGift]

DH and I are off to the wedding of one of his good friends soon. We’re all late 30s. The invite has the fairly standard ‘we don’t need any gifts but you can contribute to our honeymoon if you’d like’ and then gives their bank details.

We have two kids and consider ourselves to be fairly comfortably off, with combined salaries of around £100k. We rarely go on holiday, and when we do it’s usually camping. The couple getting married earn approximately double this and have no dependents. They go on several holidays a year, so I’m sure they can comfortably afford a honeymoon.

What should we give for their gift? Not giving anything seems a bit mean, but giving money seems a bit ridiculous given the difference in finances. If money, then how much? I’m unsure of the etiquette here.

It is guests like you that I would actively avoid inviting.

Snarky comment about their combined salary and various holidays.

They clearly stated they don’t want a gift but you can contribute to the honeymooon IF you like.

Don’t give anything and frankly, don’t go, you clearly don’t like them very much based on that snarky post.

You clearly can’t go to a wedding empty handed.

I think asking for money is so embarrassing and I don’t understand how people aren’t mortified at the thought. But I’d give £100 for two, £50 if going alone.

Have you not seen how shameless people act.

Just look at social media.

If people want to be ‘embarrassing’ for suggesting people can contribute IF they like, I’d take them up on the IF and not contribute.

Wow.

I like them a lot, actually, and am looking forward to celebrating their wedding. Every wedding invite I’ve ever seen says something about gifts being optional, but I would never usually even dream about turning up empty handed. I’m just unsure of what to do in this particular situation.

As I said, no one is going to go to a wedding empty handed.

It is only ever weddings that it’s deemed acceptable to ask for money and I have no idea why.

It’s been a thing for ages to give money! A friend had a roof tile fund for their somewhat dilapidated cottage. My DD is having contributions towards a hobby her and DH to be enjoy. It’s completely irrelevant what the couple earn. They are probably paying a fortune for you to go to the wedding! Weddings are expensive. You do sound judgy. My DD earns a great deal and fiance around half of her income so are you saying people like them don’t deserve anything?

You don't give gifts, wedding or otherwise, based on the wealth of the recipient.
You give a gift to celebrate their marriage, irrespective of their bank balance. If you want to contribute to the honeymoon, do that. A sum you feel appropriate.
If you don't, then don't.
I really don't know what your camping holidays have to do with anything.

Why then add the details about their supposed wealth, and your own income and lifestyle?
Give them £100. Nice round figure

Thanks. I think we’ll probably end up putting some cash in the card. It somehow seems a little less weird than sending a bank transfer. I’m probably over thinking how much it should be.

Give them a bottle of champagne.

They would probably receive money without asking for it.

It’s irrelevant how much they’re paying to host the wedding.

Yes, a wedding gift shouldn't be based on how much the couple have spent hosting it!

You will soon have people posting about how you should find out how much it is costing the couple for you to be there and pay that, and there’ll be several explaining how, at Irish weddings, they remortgage their homes and sell their first born in order to give the couple £1m.

True! Some of these threads get crazy!

If you're both going all day I'd be looking to give at least £100 to cover your plate. Why wouldn't you give a gift?

Oh, I like this idea! Or we could send them a crate of beer 🤔

I can completely understand why couples who’ve lived together for ages don’t have a ‘traditional’ wedding list as they usually don’t need much. And we do want to give them a gift, but giving money is so awkward 😬

Well I’m Irish and no I’ve never remortgaged my home. But I’m not a tight arse (and neither is anyone I know) and will give the couple an appropriate gift which would cover the approximate cost of a 3/4 course meal and drinks. Usually around £100 per adult, unless it’s a sibling/ very close friend and we’d give more.

Id order them.a wine subscription or something

Or a virgin experience voucher

WTF? The gift ypu buy doesn't depend on salaries!!! I'd get a magnum of champagne and some glasses.

I haven’t given anyone an actual “gift” in over 40 years!

We always give money, and it’s frequently to people who could buy and sell us! I’d never take into account whether or not the B&G are better off than we are.

I don't like the asking for money before being asked but I see no problem with giving cash (most people prefer it) and them earning more then you does not mean you shouldn't give them a gift nor should the type of holidays you have. Your comments are a bit odd to be honest. Are you saying you think you should give nothing?

If it's the son of a good friend of DH I would give at least £100 maybe £150

It's not awkward. You just put it in the card.

It's only awkward if you don't want to give a decent amount.

Give what you can afford but don't be mean spirited about it.

Why do you need to cover the cost of the meal and drinks? Does that mean that a couple on a modest income who have a low key wedding would get less of a gift than wealthy ones who can put on a three course meal?
I'd give them the same, personally.

There’s not being tight and there’s giving hundreds of pounds as wedding presents. It’s ridiculous.

Just out of interest why is giving money awkward? Even when buying a gift it’s easy to work out how much someone has spent on you if that’s the issue (not that it matters, to me it really is the thought that counts!!).

I’m not married so never had to deal with this from that side but go to a few weddings a year and all generally just ask for cash. I couldn’t really care less I either give cash and a small inexpensive but memorable gift, or if it’s someone I know better I may spend all the money on a gift but as I’m close to them I know that would be appreciated and not a waste of everyone’s time. For non immediate friends and family along for cash makes my life easier