Wedding gift etiquette

[WhatWeddingGift]

DH and I are off to the wedding of one of his good friends soon. We’re all late 30s. The invite has the fairly standard ‘we don’t need any gifts but you can contribute to our honeymoon if you’d like’ and then gives their bank details.

We have two kids and consider ourselves to be fairly comfortably off, with combined salaries of around £100k. We rarely go on holiday, and when we do it’s usually camping. The couple getting married earn approximately double this and have no dependents. They go on several holidays a year, so I’m sure they can comfortably afford a honeymoon.

What should we give for their gift? Not giving anything seems a bit mean, but giving money seems a bit ridiculous given the difference in finances. If money, then how much? I’m unsure of the etiquette here.

This ‘cover your plate’ trend drives me absolutely crackers and I hope it ends soon.

I think it's a terrible idea. So transactional.
They're hosting a wedding, not running a restaurant.

Begging for money to pay for your wedding….absolutely common as muck!

If I know someone well I would choose gift the more unusual eg we bought vintage cocktail glasses for a relative who said no gifts.

for my wedding I said do not bring gifts but we would be having a collection for the food bank - we ended up with 2 estate cars full of food and £500 which kept them going for a bit.

This isn’t what’s happening.. and that’s part of the reason I gave context around earnings. It’s just a lack of options around presents. I do want to give them a present, but I don’t want to give them some tat they don’t want, and wasn’t sure what the appropriate amount to give is.

Well, several of us have suggested £100, so maybe that?

That's brilliant!

Btw we did get given champagne, a beer subscription and a picnic hamper basket

I absolutely love this! Tbh they’d probably be thrilled with a charitable donation.

The invite has the fairly standard ‘we don’t need any gifts but you can contribute to our honeymoon if you’d like’ and then gives their bank details.

Then they wouldn't have asked for contribution to their honeymoon. It's often those who are wealthy who are the most greedy. But give a charity donation and come back and tell us if they were happy 😉

@Sookisssss Yes! That’s my point! DD isn’t asking for, or expecting more, because it’s an expensive wedding! Guests are largely decent earners and she’s been generous at 40 weddings she’s attended! It would be a bit off of someone turned up with cocktail glasses. They don’t need or want them. People should give whet they can afford and what the couple earn is irrelevant. But it’s reasonable to ask for donations to honeymoon or even roof tiles! They are both important to the couple.

You see I hate the charity giving present - it seems so virtue signally to me!

I think £100 is pretty common but only if you can afford it.

I think it’s very weird to ask for money. Just don’t say anything about gifts and graciously receive what’s given, which is likely to be money anyway.

£100 in cash, easy

Contribute to a charity they support….everyone wins!

@Sookisssss But no one wants tat or money spent on stuff they don’t want. That ship has truly sailed. For example my DD hasn’t room for more glasses. They have a small flat. It’s not difficult to contribute to a fund for a honeymoon or something else and weddings are about pleasing the couple, not sticking to your own rigid rules. It’s not as if people don’t know the value of gifts anyway, but who really wants to waste money and have their gift sent to a charity shop.

I find it really cringey when the couple ask for honeymoon handouts. Personally I would get them a £100 love to shop voucher and a nice bottle of champagne to toast their marriage 🥂 I am a dinosaur 🦖 though when it comes to social things!

Wedding are a celebration you invite people to attend. Not a money making opportunity.

No it’s not. It’s absolutely cringeworthy and embarrassing. Advice your daughter not to beg for money.

*advise

Its so cringy to put that line and bank details on an invite. Seems very grabby. But honestly I'd just oblige and give cash in a card. Why gift them something knowing they dont want anything? Especially if they are close friends, why go against their (grabby, cringeworthy) wishes? Whatever you would've spent on a present just pop the cash equivalent into a card?

I'd gift £100 and a bottle of champagne.

Just transfer the amount of money you feel comfortable giving. They are good friends of your DH, they clearly don’t want physical gifts. Several people on the thread have mentioned giving a bottle of champagne but lots of people don’t want or like champagne and there’s a risk they end up with a cupboard full. Either that or a merry go round of people regifting the same few bottles of champagne at every event because no one wants it

@Sookisssss How could you go to a wedding , presumably of people that like you enough to invite you and NOT give £ 100s as a gift . ? What is your alternative - a £30 voucher ?

Whenever these threads come up, EVERY TIME WITHOUT FAIL it's clear that a lot of people on mumsnet don't actually like their friends/family they're attending weddings for.

There seems to be some kind of thrill that a couple have asked for money (IF you wanted to get gift) because they don't want a load of tat/30 bottles of champagne and then you always get those posters that say "when someone asks for money, I always just get them a bottle of champagne because it's so rude to ask for money" 🙄

Do these people not like their friends? It's so weird!

A friend is telling you that they don't want boxed gifts but if you WANT to bring a gift which is normal if someone is having a party of some kind, you can just bob some money in a card/bank transfer and everyone suddenly thinks their friend is a greedy pig and this time someone has actually said they'd get a love2shop voucher 😂 Mumsnet at it's finest.