Wedding gift etiquette

[WhatWeddingGift]

DH and I are off to the wedding of one of his good friends soon. We’re all late 30s. The invite has the fairly standard ‘we don’t need any gifts but you can contribute to our honeymoon if you’d like’ and then gives their bank details.

We have two kids and consider ourselves to be fairly comfortably off, with combined salaries of around £100k. We rarely go on holiday, and when we do it’s usually camping. The couple getting married earn approximately double this and have no dependents. They go on several holidays a year, so I’m sure they can comfortably afford a honeymoon.

What should we give for their gift? Not giving anything seems a bit mean, but giving money seems a bit ridiculous given the difference in finances. If money, then how much? I’m unsure of the etiquette here.

don't give cash - a friend had wedding presents stolen drom their reception.

Just send a bank transfer. Your card could get lost. Have done this for years. It's not that deep

Just give them what they asked for- put thr cash in a pretty envelope if you want it to feel less transactional than a transfer.

@WhatWeddingGift No. Never do this! No bride and groom opens cards at the wedding these days. Do a bank transfer in advance and send a card without cash in the post. I’d get into the 21st century on this.

I grew up in a culture that would never give money for a wedding so I did take a couple of weddings to get over it, but I’m now a total convert to giving money - so easy and I like hearing what they plan to do with it. I’ll admit as a result I probably don’t give very much, usually £50, or £100 for close family. Tbh £100 hasn’t ’covered a plate’ at a wedding for about 20 years so if that’s the plan the gift should be more like £300.

@Mathair2 It’s not grabby to direct gifting!!! Most people give a gift! Most couples in their 30s don’t went tea towels or a set of cheap wine glasses. If they did, they would have directed guests to a wedding gift register at a shop. They would prefer money so they can spend it on a holiday. That’s perfectly normal in 2026. It’s not grabby - it’s stating a preference so you don’t waste your money!

I don’t see the difference between having a wedding list or asking for cash. You’re still paying money to the couple whether it’s a physical gift or not. Why wouldn’t you want to give the couple something they’d appreciate? Why buy a gift just because you want to when you know it’s not what they want. I’d hate getting cocktail sets etc., when I’ve purposefully asked for no gifts - just more waste!! The memories of their honeymoon will last forever, I’d much rather contribute to that than buy them a gift they don’t want and specifically not asked for.

@PermanentTemporary Not quite sure what you think is included on a plate then? Food at DDs wedding isn’t £300 a head! The whole day - yes, more than this.

Can you not read? I would give £100 for a couple and £50 for a single person. But the trend for asking for money is absolutely grasping and embarrassing.

It's not asking for money though, is it. It's telling people who WILL be giving gifts what you'd like, without having to wait for every single person to ask you what you want. It's a time saver.

Everyone gives a wedding gift so why not save the time and stress by just saying what you want?

It's not grabby, it's saving waste.

Exactly - everyone knows everyone will give a gift. No one will turn up empty handed. So they are asking for money. They’d get plenty of money if they didn’t ask for it too, I don’t know why people embarrass themselves by asking for it.

It’s the bank details thing that makes it embarrassing I think so on the day they’d know who gave what. ‘Oh look at Trish getting stuck into the buffet, she only gave us 100 quid’

i had a tiny wedding, got sent gifts from people who didn’t attend which was really lovely, people like to gift, but it was totally unexpected and tbh I felt bad!
had we had a bigger wedding I’d have just said ‘we have all we need, no presents required’ if people really want to get you something they will.

Why on earth would you give cash in a card rather than doing a bank transfer? No one uses cash much nowadays, there's the risk of losing it or it being taken, then if lots of people do that they might have trouble paying it in as banks are so suspicious of cash now. And no to champagne, they can buy their own with the cash if they want but they might not even like it (I don't). Just give the amount you would have spend on a gift, £100 would be my suggestion too.

I'm another who wonders why so many people seem to dislike their friends on MN.

I have a vague memory around 20 years ago going to John Lewis to buy something off a wedding list apart from that it has always been money. Are gift lists even a thing now?

I was also told that if we didn’t specify what we wanted at ours we’d have to answer the sane question over again as most people want to contribute something.

It's £100 minimum.

We’d give £100-200. I don’t ever consider if someone is rich enough to buy it themselves when buying a birthday gift. I buy it because I care about them and want to give them something nice to celebrate their special day. I would take into account what we earn, but not what they do, because I wouldn’t buy a gift I couldn’t afford.

Giving money is absolutely fine for a wedding gift. Dh and I were the rare sort who didn’t really live together before marriage (for logistical rather than religious reasons, I lived abroad). When we got married, we literally had a few plates and 2 forks and one scratched up cooking pot. We genuinely needed crockery and bedding and towels and a cafetière. Nearly 20 years later, we still eat off those plates and use the cutlery we got as wedding gifts. But most couples don’t need more towels now. I’m grateful for the ease of bank details as I don’t use cash. If you want to give cash in a card, I’m sure that’s fine too.

£100 absolute minimum. Giving money is completely fine these days and you'll make their lives so much easier by doing a bank transfer.

Who decided that rule?

Give them what you would have spent on a gift as cash? I don’t see how it matters what they earn, they haven’t specified how much you have to give them, they have even said they’re not expecting gifts.
I’d probably say £100 is appropriate, or do both £50 plus a physical gift

@MeetMeOnTheCorner I just dont think it needs to be put on an invitation. And I hate the "put it towards our honeymoon" which is probably already booked and paid for by the time the invite goes out anyway!

We got married this year and 100% of people who gave a gift gave money! Approx 95% gave cash, 3% gave cheques and 2% sent money on revolut as they had our phone numbers. We didnt direct anybody to just give cash, its just the way it happened. But FWIW I dont really like the idea of wedding gift lists either. Ive never been to a wedding with a wedding gift directory and have only been to 1 wedding where they gave bank details on the invite and it left a very sour taste in people's mouths as people were paying a lot of money to attend that particular wedding!

Well I’m Irish and I’ve never remortgaged my house to go to a wedding but I can never get over the angst and drama about giving money as a present that I see on here. For any weddings I attend it’s always cash in a card. OP in your situation I’d give £200 or £150. For those who think giving money is odd I remember about 26 years ago my friends sister was invited to a wedding with a wedding list. No one had come across the likes of it before and it was seen as very strange. So it’s mad how things differ.

What a miserable bunch you must all be that you are so easily offended by your nearest and dearest.

£200 for a wedding gift is just ludicrous.

Irrelevant to the thread but what a lovely thing to.do.

It was the context of how much everyone was paying to travel to another continent to attend a wedding and then be handed bank details on top of it was a bit much.