Should I worry that my 13-year-old has no particular accomplishments?

[Insecurepanda]

My 13 yo dc is not accomplished. Is ok but not great at school. Does not play any musical instruments (gave them all up in primary), has no hobbies apart from playing video games and hanging out with his friends. Doesn’t have much drive.

he’s a really nice person. Gentle, funny, kind, thoughtful, a good friend. But I feel like I’ve let him down by not getting him to be accomplished in some ways.

Is it too late? Is there anything I can do? Or should I just appreciate that he seems happy and let him get on with it?

Can you elaborate on what your accomplishments are?

He's coming up to Duke of Edinburgh age. Is that available to him through school? That would get him doing a sport, volunteering and an expedition.

You haven’t been reading Mumsnet again, have you? 😂😂

None! But I’m quite a rubbish person. All my middle class friends’ kids do so much and maybe that is the secret of their families’ successes?

What do you expect him at the age of 13 to be accomplished in? The majority of people are average, nothing wrong with that.

That’s a good idea, thank you

I guess I’m worried that there is a secret middle class club for all the successful people where they play each other the piano and speak in conversational Spanish and know how to sail

He should have a knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing, and the modern languages, and must possess a certain something in his air and manner of walking, the tone of his voice, his address and expressions.

I jest.

He sounds like a great kid! He'll find interests in his own time.

I wouldn’t worry he has no accomplishments.

i do subscribe to the keep them busy and keep them out of trouble school of parenting teens so personally I’d be trying to get him involved in stuff

he’s a really nice person. Gentle, funny, kind, , a good friend.
You should be so proud that you can say this about him.

They may DO lots of activities but they won’t be accomplished at them. They’re two different things.

There might still be something that floats his boat - my husband took up drumming in his mid-teens and made quite a go of it, still plays in a band now. He’s really good.
I played an instrument to quite a high level and haven’t touched it since I gave it up at 18.

If he’s funny and kind he’ll go far. The main thing is to be happy in life, rather than necessarily to have lots of accomplishments.

This sounds very Jane Austin. There's such a judgement value placed on the word "accomplishment". How will he ever find a husband worth ten thousand a year if he can't play the piano forte? He'll be left on the shelf at four and twenty and live in unhappy penury.

He has interests. He likes video games and is probably reasonably acomished at playing them. But we don't value that as a worthy skill. But playing the piano is worthy. What's the difference? Both are sedentary activities. Both take hand eye coordination and practice.

He's sociable, "gentle, funny, kind, thoughtful, a good friend". That's a very good life skill. People skills are essential for climbing the greasy pole. He sounds fine, he has his whole life to develop interests, take classes, do workshops. It's never to late to try something new. But it's not something you can force another person into

This was my brother at school - didn't like clubs, loved computers and hanging out with his mates, got mainly Cs.
Nowadays he's got a career job, a nice house and is happily married. No kids yet and plenty of hobbies he chose for himself.

I on the other hand joined all the clubs, played an instrument and got mainly A*s...I have a slightly less well paid job, a pretty similar house and two kids so much less time for hobbies!

Essentalially it will be fine in the end. The only thing I'd gently push is some sort of exercise/activity if he doesn't do any already.

He’s a really nice person. Gentle, funny, kind, thoughtful, a good friend.

This matters more than any accomplishments. Honestly, it does. Congratulations on having raised a decent human being.

Not being a thief, drunk, on drugs, avoiding school, or being a yob is an achievement these days. Your son seems to be doing fine.

What's your obsession about the middle class, OP? The kid's 13, I'm not sure what youre expecting. Referring to yourself as a 'rubbish person', even in jest, is a bit worrying to be honest.

I appreciate these perspectives. I think sometimes it feels like everyone is striving to be special and, while my son is special and amazing to me, I’m not doing anything to help him stand out in a crowd. I go about day to day thinking it’s fine but then my friends’ kids do all this extra stuff.

a neighbour’s 13 year old sings in a choir, loves to go wild camping, and is learning Japanese!! To be fair he seems to complain a lot when his mum makes him do anything but he still has all these strings to his bow.

I agree here. That's an amazing person

But how is he more special than any other bunch of kids with interests(whether forced or voluntary)? Is he actually accomplished in any of them? Is he successful? Awards, recognition etc.?

Brava for the ‘Pride and Prejudice’ quote! 😁

OP, I think that you can still ‘take up’ extra curricular activities and it isn’t too late. If he is older then he will probably learn more rapidly?

He's got loads of time and there's no need for him to be ticking boxes because other people's kids have.

My daughter was academically bright but otherwise fairly ordinary at 13...she'd dabbled in basketball, piano lessons and Brownies during primary but nothing had really stuck. She basically liked hanging out with her mates eating pizza and watching Zoella videos.

At 14 she got involved with the local Youth Council which led to her taking a Citizenship GCSE...which has ultimately led to her gaining a degree in Law. She moved to London this morning to start her Masters at LSE with a substantial scholarship.

She's volunteered on various international human rights projects, travelled a fair bit, passed her driving test first time, taken up yoga and strength training, reads avidly, crochets and is a great cook.

Pretty much all of this happened from 16/17 years onwards. No one needs to be a perfectly accomplished, well-rounded individual at 13!

Let him enjoy his teens, when the time is right something will click and he'll be just fine. Besides kind, gentle, funny and thoughtful are character traits you can't just accomplish - he sounds like a great lad already.

Is he happy? Does he enjoy the things he does?

I'd say my lovely 14 year old DD has no 'accomplishments ' ( odd choice of word imho) but she has loads of interests and hobbies. Focus on what they are interested in rather than if they are accomplished or not.

I started bell ringing for d of e 40 years ago, and am still crap.

I had piano lessons for 20 years and cannot play a tune.

I've never had a car accident that was my fault and am good at Excel.

He's doing fine