Misophonia (people eating near me)

[PixieFairySprite]

Does anyone have any tips to help with this?

I think I have had this problem all my life. I couldn't stand my sister eating near me as a child. She leans over her plate and shovels her food into her mouth, noisily. She still does this. I can remember finding it so strange that my mum was very hot on manners but seemed to overlook this. My mum taught me how to place a napkin onto my lap and eat a cake with a knife and I still do these things automatically. I eat with my mouth closed.

Anyway, I couldn't bear my exH being near me and eating, or in fact making any noises. He did used to say that he couldn't even breathe around me and it made me so sad because it's true. There is nothing wrong with his table manners.

I have been with my boyfriend now for 7 years and find I am now experiencing the same thing. We are now living together and very happy but I find myself making excuses when it comes to eating together. I adore him and would love nothing more than to sit and eat with him, which weirdly I had no problem with until recently. Again, there is nothing wrong with his table manners.

Is there any hope for me?

I'm intrigued by eating a cake with a knife - I wouldn't say that's good manners!

Has he not noticed?

Use background noise like play some music or wear headphones when eating with someone.
A friend has misophonia as part of her autism and this is what she does.

Have you never seen cake knives for sale? Do you not own a set? It is very normal.

I didn't post here to critique anyone's else's manners or have my own questioned. If you haven't ever seen anyone eat a cake with a knife, I can't help you. I nearly always eat cake with a knife.

Now, does anyone have any ideas that may be helpful to me?

I think he probably has but how is that going to help me?

I am looking for some ideas from people who have experienced this. Not stupid questions.

Thank you. A useful reply.

I can see why your ex struggled to be around you 😳

I have heard people recommend Loop earphones to help with misophonia. Also heard it can get worse if you are in peri and hrt may help if that's the case for you.

The knife cuts a small piece of the cake and you pick it up
with your hand is it?
I have no help because I have Misophonia so badly that everyone is on edge around me. It’s torture for all of us. And if someone is crinkling at the theatre I will say something. Even someone coughing at the theatre sets me off actually.

i always complained about my sister eating when we were children and it set up a horrible dynamic between us. I’ve only learned recently that it’s a neurodivergent trait of mine to react so strongly to this type of sound.

and funnily enough my parents were extremely strict on table manners. Linen napkins always. Sit up straight. Etc. yet my mother always talked with her mouth full and I had to see and hear the food churning around. I don’t think I mentioned it to her though.

I have to have background noise when I eat with my husband. No matter what he eats, it sounds like he’s eating an apple. We tend to sit side by side at the island so I don’t have to look at him either.

Music, radio on, leave the extractor fan on, play some white noise, background sounds - anything so it's not just silence and chewing.

Also, tell him. Explain it's not his fault, but you hate eating noises. Say you know he's not doing anything wrong, but it makes you irrationally mad, and hopefully he'll understand it's your problem, but it's something he can support with.

We actually put a tv on the dining ropm wall as background sounds. Or dh would be under the patio.

Had your read my post properly you would know that it was me struggling to be around him while eating!

I am SO sorry, I did mean that I eat a cake with a FORK!

Apologies!

Thank you. It really does make me so sad and I get really annoyed with myself about it.

I am interested, if you feel you can tell me, about your other neurodivergent traits?

Our experiences sound so similar. I cannot decide whether it was having to sit near my sister and her awful eating for years that started it in me, or that it was always something that irritated me to the point that I find it intolerble.

There’s no way to ask this nicely but is it solely eating or is there a chance it is people in general, are you very tired or could it be a hormone thing? Just because you seem a bit irritated by people even on here

I read on a MN thread once that when you are irritated by the noise of people eating, it can help to just tap your finger repeatedly (and quietly!) on your arm or leg.

I try and do this, and for some reason it does really help - probably because you are focusing on the tapping and not the noise that has driven you insane in the first place.

Thank you! I will try this.

We always have background music on, if eating at the table, or else we eat in front of the TV. It’s my husband who has the misophonia. I don’t eat crisps near him, which is fine as I’m not a big crisp eater. Occasionally I take myself off somewhere else in the house or garden for an aperitif and some crisps and my book, which somehow feels more of a treat for being something I do by myself. It’s just one of those things, he can’t help it, so we adapt.

i have this. Me and my husband have the tv on really loud so I can’t hear him. Or we eat separately.

Calling completely reasonable posts "gaslighting" is insulting to everybody who has experienced actual gaslighting. It was also not derailing.

Your attitude is terrible for someone trying to get helpful input. Perhaps try a bit more grace about it?

I also note you didn't apologise to @WhatHappenedToYourFurnitureCuz for your incredibly rude reply about "cake knives" and how "normal" they are, when YOU got it wrong in the first place.

Maybe all of MN should just "go away" from you seeing as you don't want to act with any civility?

Op in response to your question I am not trying to gaslight or derail but you do just seem very very irritated and a simple thing like sleep, vitamin d or something food related could honestly be the answer as tii on why something that doesn’t annoy others that much is driving you mad

There is a theory that misophobia is actually a symptom of unresolved anger / anger processing. Worth exploring?